Dream Team

[pope]

Trip Report: Darrington 2002

 

Part One: Prologue to a Dream(er).

 

Late last Friday night, Pope realized that he'd left his alarm clock over at

the college, and he was supposed to meet Dwayner at 5 a.m. backwards of the

REI. With little sleep and ample beer in his veins, there was no way he was

going to make the early morning appointment without an alarm clock, unless...

 

At 1 a.m. Saturday, Pope cruised into the dark lot, parked his subcompact

behind the Federal Way REI and pulled his sleeping bag over his head. Maybe

twenty minutes passed before bright lights shone through the car window, and

an authoritative voice informed him that he wouldn't be allowed to sleep

there. The security cop suggested that Pope should cross the street and check

in at the Marriott. "Yeah, sure buddy. That's just what I'll do. Thanks for

being so helpful," replied Pope. Rent-a-cop pulled away, and Pope went back to

sleep.

 

Within minutes, a car screeched to a halt, and a flashlight banged against my

window. Mr. Security Cop again explained that there would be no overnighting

in that parking lot. "I'm not moving. You'll just have to ignore me. I'll be

gone at 5 a.m. Do I look like a thief, a needle junkie or a sport climber?"

asked Pope. "You won't sleep much with this flashlight poking in your face all

night," he responded. Then he threatened to call his superior. "Your superior? Well that

doesn't narrow the field much now does it?" Pope retorted. Pope shrugged,

and the security cop followed through with his threat.

 

The dispatch apparently told him to quit messin' wid da Pope, and that was the

end of the harassment for a while until he returned to give Pope a wake-up

call the next morning, and to explain that he didn't like making exceptions to

the rules. "This lot's got the lowest crime rate in Federal Way, which if you

didn't notice, isn't the safest place. This lot is safe because I'm doing my

job, and I don't mind being "the bad-assed security guy" if that's what it

takes to do the job." Just then, Pope noticed that the letters T-H-U-G were

tattooed across the four fingers of Rent-a-Cop's right hand. Pope was not

intimidated and once again went back to sleep until Dwayner arrived "right on

time" with his usual line, "I thought you meant that you wanted me to leave MY

HOUSE at 5 AM!" He suggested that we immediately find a pay phone and call

Big Lou to report the security guard for his attempts to impede our pursuit of

big wall excellence.

 

Part II: The Climb

 

With some trepidation, I left the fate of my car in the hands of Rent-A-Thug,

hoping that it would still be there on my return with its tires unslashed and

no new obscene grafitti plastered on its win-dough! Besides, the

Dwayner-mobile has all of the comforts of home, especially after a brief stop

for a damn Egg-A-Muff, Bacon Egga McBiscuit, with all the trimmins. And a

large coffee to go please. Dwayner referred to the delightful young lady who

took our money as a "behemoth". It wasn't true, she was HOT!. Dwayner fell

asleep at the wheel twice on the way to the park 'n ride lot in Seattle; I

woke him up by pouring a cup of steaming coffee on a sensitive part of his

anatomy located in his crotch. The caffeine must have taken its effect

because he woke yelling. "You've just managed to scald 80% of my epidermis!" Soon enough, we reached the park 'n ride where we met the world

famous Mattp and his buddy Greg. In the car on the way over, me and Dwayner

discussed whether it would be appropriate to greet Greg, who neither of us

knew, as "Sparky". The discussion was as hot as the coffee in Dwayner's

crotch but we ultimately decided that it would be o.k. When we did meet Greg,

Dwayner clammed up and just shook his hand, sans the "Sparky". We then drove

to Darrington. Greg had some music going with this song that went, "All I

want to do, is have some fun..." Pope looked at Dwayner and he looked at Pope and

they gave each other a high-five. Then they climbed Dreamer on Green Giant

Buttress.

 

On the way home, we stopped at some place....it was dark so we didn't knows

where we be, but Greg pulled over and we bought chips and adult beverages.

Dwayner also bought a Moon Pie and I think it hurt his feelings when no-one

else would sample the wretched thing. We wanted to wash the big wall off our

hands but a girl went into the bathroom and didn't come out for a good long

time. One can only speculate........but when she finally left, it smelled

like someone had sprayed a complete canister of floral scented RAID to cover

up a mysterious and devious odor. I fidgeted nervously all the way back

wondering if my car would still be parked. You know, you CAN trust them guys

in the green vest at the REI because the pope-mobile was waiting and intact,

in fact, it looked as if it had been waxed and polished.

[Juan]

In other words, you climbed Dreamer. Matt said you guys had fun. Way to go.

 

=;-)

[mattp]

For those who have been wondering, Dwayner and Pope are indeed real people. Here they are:

[Matt]

Wow! That is a really big pack!!! What do you have in there? Beer?

 

Thanks for the pic Mattp!

[chucK]

Maybe it's full of all the bolts that they pulled further on down the route? If you look close you can see the crowbar slung on the back.

[pope]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Juan:

In other words, you climbed Dreamer. Matt said you guys had fun. Way to go.

 

=;-)

---

Or I could have written something like:

 

"We climbed dreamer, using ropes and such, and we struggled mightily, at times having not so much as a fingernail purchase on that flint-hard, flawless granite. The conditions, theys was good."

 

However, I think you'll agree that the supporting details of this monumental adventure are too important to be omitted.

[Matt]

Pope:

 

I have heard you say you don't do sport climbs. I was wondering if you tried the Urban Bypass variation to Dreamer? Some might call it a sport climb-- it is all bolts and they are placed very close together. What did you think?

[pope]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Matt:

Pope:

 

I have heard you say you don't do sport climbs. I was wondering if you tried the Urban Bypass variation to Dreamer? Some might call it a sport climb-- it is all bolts and they are placed very close together. What did you think?

---

I didn't get a very good look at it so I don't know. I will say (again), there are certainly applications of bolting that seem acceptable. I'm impressed with the work MattP and others have done on routes like Safe Sex, and even some of the bolts that have been reportedly added to Dreamer seem to make sense. Not all of the adventure has been squeezed out of it; in fact, it still presents some run-out, challenging climbing, and we can only hope it maintains this flavor.

 

Regarding sport climbs, don't you think that having ten new, 80-foot sport pitches along the base of Green Giant Buttress would kind of degrade the place?

[Smoker]

Approach beta please... how long in measure of time,

is the "trail" straight forward?

 

Thanks, its next on my wish-list

 

smoker

[Bronco]

Thats kind of a funny picture, it looks like you guys are crawling on a big horizontal slab. Did you really climb or is this a conspiracy cooked up by Univeral Studios? I know you guys are connected.

[Greg_W]

That looks like some of the same props/backgrounds they used to film the "moon landings" on back in the sixties. As if we actually flew to the moon; yeah, right.

 

Greg

[mattp]

Smoker -

The approach is straight forward for someone who has been scrambling up and down peaks along the mountain loop highway. I would not recommend Teva's. It takes about an hour and a half.

[Smoker]

Thank you.

[Juan]

Smoker:

 

You'll never make it.

 

= )

[Smoker]

Ha, ha..maybe so

 

but I'll have fun getting lost!

[mattp]

If you pass a black bra, you are on the right trail.

[layton]

I remember that bra, slightly disturbing concidering the area!

 

Also, if you pass a rotting corpse that resembles a dead crack whore wearing black panties...you're on the wrong trail .

[Smoker]

Yum!

 

I knew I was afraid to ask where the panties were.