How to get a teenage kid of the couch?

[DirtyHarry]

He worked at the local library, not sure it cranked up his spirit.

 

Maybe the excitement was too much for him.

[minx]

You should set him down in front of a computer with an Internet connection, get him and logon on CC.com, and introduce him to spray. Soon, he'll have no time to do anything wrong. Plus there is an incredible amount of moral fiber to be found here.

 

not to mention the bad spelling and grammar he can pick up.

 

oly, i thought you were on to something when i read the first part of the post. if Oleg logs him onto spray, the kid is likely to run screaming from the house. some folks might not see this as the kind of activity they want for their kid but at least he'd be off the couch and expressing himself.

[OlegV]

make sure hes not slipping into drugs, ...consider moving elsewhere in oregon... consider an exchange program...what high school is he attending in portland?

He got 'good' 17-18-year old friends, nearly drop-outs. My wife now has the part time job plus Alex's shcool job, so she can keep an eye on him. He goes to Tigard High, and it sucks!!! Moving is an option, but he'll find the right dudes anywhere we go. It happened before. What's exchange program???

[OlegV]

if he goes to live in russia, does that mean he gets draft eligibility, drafted into russian army and sent to chechnya?

Yep, he would be recruited to the russian army at age 17. You could play hooky for a while (for 8 years!) - like by breaking your legs, harming yourself with chemicals and so on. But if they find you, there is a good chance you’ll join the ‘the oily war against terror’ in Chechnya. When I served 2 years in the russian army (fortunately not in Afghanistan) we had a guy who had severe birth defect in his heart. They still kicked his ass calling him weak bastard. Glad the guy didn’t die after all of this. The bottom line, the kid growing up here, will be harassed and physically humiliated in the army to the stage when he doesn’t want to live anymore...

[ashw_justin]

He got 'good' 17-18-year old friends, nearly drop-outs. My wife now has the part time job plus Alex's shcool job, so she can keep an eye on him. He goes to Tigard High, and it sucks!!! Moving is an option, but he'll find the right dudes anywhere we go. It happened before. What's exchange program???

 

That can't be good. Sadly enough, a 15-year-old will believe and respect an 18-year-old more than they will respect their parents.

 

What are his interests? Surely there must be something wholesome or constructive that you can encourage?

[chucK]

Oleg,

You sound totally negative about your boy. I'm sure he feels it. At an age when kids are rebelling (becoming adults and feeling they are capable of making their own decisions), it's tough to steer them. Especially if you have such a negative relationship that he will think anything you suggest is a punishment.

 

My suggestion would be to lighten up and save the battles for things that you consider are very dangerous (things that will get him killed, arrested or you sued and bankrupt). Once he doesn't think everything coming out of your mouth is a criticism, he might be more amenable to some steering.

[Ireneo_Funes]

I think chucK's got a point. Save your energy for the serious stuff...you might think sloth and apathy is pretty bad (and I'm sure it is hard for a parent to deal with, especially since you & your wife are so active yourselves), but it could be worse, like he could be getting arrested, hurting others, whatever.

 

On another point, I think a trekking vacation in Tibet sounds awesome, but it's probably the last thing that your son would be into right now, judging from what you've said about him. And it wouldn't be much fun for you if he wasn't into it. Save it for 5-10 years down the line when he realizes that you're an OK guy after all.

[OlegV]

Oleg,

You sound totally negative about your boy. My suggestion would be to lighten up and save the battles for things that you consider are very dangerous (things that will get him killed, arrested or you sued and bankrupt). Once he doesn't think everything coming out of your mouth is a criticism, he might be more amenable to some steering.

 

Feel too much Dostoevsi in my mood? Maybe. Of cause, we have our moments of trust and fun together. What hurts, he can completely destroy this next day.

[Ireneo_Funes]

You moody Russians!

[selkirk]

Funny thought:

We are all posting about our own teenage experience as if we all turned out so great.

 

Speak for youself! I'm fucking fantastic!

[Bogen]

Hey Oleg, sorry to hear that you are having trouble.

 

Tell me, what does he do in his room? Internet connection in there? PS2? When I got my kids back, they were 6 and 7, and playing a lot of nintendo by themselves in the basement. I just sat down with them and played along. Watched the same things they do, played the same games. I still do 10 years later. I don't know if that would work for you guys at this stage.

 

One thing, from my experience and also the recurring theme in the responses here, is that the patterns established pre-puberty reassert themselves in adulthood, despite the rough transition that some folks face.

That is to say, the wonderful child he was will resurface.

 

Reconcile yourselves to the fact that he is having a rough time, and be there for him in whatever capacity he can handle.

 

Perhaps you are feeling guilty, wondering what you did wrong. Even if you did something "wrong," you must let go of your expectations and self-doubt, and simply try to make him feel comfortable around you. (requires alot of the inner "ommmm" LOL)

 

 

Why don't you bring him up here for a day or 2. Leave him with my kids and we'll go climb something (have to be easy though, I'm in bad shape...)

[DirtyHarry]

Problem with kids today is they don't have any chores. Nintendo should be burned. Get your kid a heard of cows or goats and make him tend them and if he wants to eat he has to slaughter one.

[Dru]

Nowadays they have VIRTUAL chores - gotta walk the Tamigotchi, level-up your nymph barbarian in Everquest, and pimp your ho in GTA San andreas.

[DirtyHarry]

How do you know that shit? Sketchy.

[selkirk]

My sister and I always had a few basic chores, but could always do more at minimum wage. Seemed to work out pretty well plus the occasional hazard fee for sketchy bathrooms.

[cj001f]

Nowadays they have VIRTUAL chores - gotta walk the Tamigotchi, level-up your nymph barbarian in Everquest, and pimp your ho in GTA San andreas.

Dude, now you hire some Chinese dude to do those for you. Damn, selkirks parents must have loved him - he got minimum! My chores were piecework at rates well below local contractors (for equivalent quality work)

[Dru]

Nowadays they have VIRTUAL chores - gotta walk the Tamigotchi, level-up your nymph barbarian in Everquest, and pimp your ho in GTA San andreas.

Dude, now you hire some Chinese dude to do those for you. Damn, selkirks parents must have loved him - he got minimum! My chores were piecework at rates well below local contractors (for equivalent quality work)

 

This is the answer to OlegV's problem. Send his son to labour in a Chinese virtual sweatshop. He can sell it by telling him that he will be "paid to play video games all day".

[OlegV]

Tell me, what does he do in his room?

...................................

Why don't you bring him up here for a day or 2. Leave him with my kids and we'll go climb something (have to be easy though, I'm in bad shape...)

 

Hey Adrian! Glad to hear you're here! Check your PMs!