OlegV Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Hope, I might get some valuable advice here, ‘cause we, climbers is the breed of the twisted-minded, brilliant and the most inspired people in the world. The story is about my son, who is growing to be pain in the butt. The kid is a troublemaker, yet, he is smart, he is capable, he has a potential for anything in the world. He has the wrong raw models – you know the kind of kids who are unmotivated, lazy and whose parents gave up on them. He is trying to be popular in the wrong way. My wife and I are very active physically and mentally – no matter what happens, we keep going, we often away from home – many say you guys don’t spend enough time with kids. I say - baloney! We do more than many other ‘conventional’ parents do: how many parents take their kids on real adventures – because they are too obese and unmotivated themselves? Alex has seen anything in his life: jungles, underwater caves full of sharks, mountains, videogames, telescopes, music, plenty of TV, foreign countries. Yet, he is growing to be a jerk. Oh yes, he doesn’t know what the real hard work is. I hate to see him growing up as a weak, selfish and uninteresting person. Just like average teens in this country. Here I ask a simple question, how do you start changing this? Feel free to give me a craaap, brothers! Quote
foraker Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 If he likes staying in one spot, chain him to a tree out back and give him a cord or two of wood to chop. Quote
TyClimber Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Oleg, how old is your lazy son? My advice is not to worry too much. I grew up in what sounds like the same situation as your kid, and still went through my own shithead phase. I think that is part of the normal growing up Thing, it has to do with rebelling against whatever it is that your parents do. So, since you and your wife are active and smart, your kid is going to be lazy and stupid for a while. Thankfully most of my friends and I grew out of this stage. Personally, now that I have grown up I am back to climbing and am actually a professional cyclist. So, DON'T PANIC! Quote
TyClimber Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Or then again what do I know, just chain him to the tree Quote
catbirdseat Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Most kids don't want to do what Mommy and Daddy like to do. Ask him what he'd like to do and then send him off by himself to let him do it. Quote
foraker Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 You need to have some meetings with some Professional Certified Counselors and stuff to help him discover his True Path and then you need to enable him to Realize that path without Controlling him or Criticizing him. Quote
OlegV Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 Thanks, Alex just turned 15. I hope, this is just a shithead phase not his character for the rest of his life. There are plenty of examples, kids never grow out of this phase. Quote
DPS Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Oleg, He sounds just like my daughter, maybe the two should meet. Quote
Norman_Clyde Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 (edited) Popular culture, especially the American version, is sick and perverse. It teaches people that they deserve to sit still and be entertained. Most of the glorious capitalist economic engine devotes itself to pandering to a person's most slovenly, selfish, brutish impulses. My feeling is there is only one reasonable strategy to raising a decent human being in the midst of today's popular culture: parents need to make it completely clear to their kids that popular culture is the enemy and must be resisted at every turn. You must do this with no apologies or regrets. I don't mean that the family can never watch TV or movies or listen to popular music or shop at the mall; but families need to make it clear to their kids that 21st century popular culture degrades the human spirit. The exceptions to this statement are very few. In my house, we watch no TV and own no video games. We do rent videos but we limit what our kids can watch. My 13 year old is currently in a rage because we are not letting him watch most of the violent R rated movies his friends all saw back when they were 7 or 8. He's run out of PG-13 movies and now he feels deprived. Mass media, plus all his peers, encourage him to believe that viewing video entertainment of his choice, no limits, is a fundamental right like free speech or food or the air he breathes. He accuses us of living in a fantasy world where we wish it were still the 1930's. We tell him we'd travel back in time if we could but sadly this does not appear to be an option. Of course I have no idea if our strategy will work. But so far it's the only way we feel comfortable proceeding as parents. Edited January 17, 2006 by Norman_Clyde Quote
Camilo Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Overbearing parents can be as big a pain in the ass as neglectful ones. If he's a teenager, he probably just wants some space and for you to leave him alone. Probably sucks for you, but that's what I wanted at that age. Oh yeah, and make him get a full time summer job. It'll make him appreciate his leisure time quite a bit more. Quote
underworld Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Oh yeah, and make him want to get a full time summer job. he won't get one if he HAS to... Quote
Dru Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Oleg, He sounds just like my daughter, maybe the two should meet. Then you could soon be a grandfather! Quote
OlegV Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 I completely agree with you, Norman. I often feel in the middle of the game 'pulling the rope'. The other side always wins. MEDIA... To tell you the truth, I thought of taking a big sacrifice (or adventure) and leaving the mainstream world - moving to the remote part of Alaska and living on your own resources in complete isolation. You don’t need a time machine. Quote
OlegV Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 Oleg, He sounds just like my daughter, maybe the two should meet. Then you could soon be a grandfather! Quote
foraker Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 How about no allowance and if he wants anything even slightly spendy, he has to pay half, which means work? That's the way my parents handled it. Seems to have worked out ok. Of course, I grew up in Anchorage before and during the pipeline days so maybe I already benefitted from the lack of popular culture. Quote
TyClimber Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Norman, dude be careful!!! If you don't watch out you are going to end up with a 35 year old anti-social virgin living in your basement! I think telling your kid that popular culture is evil is only going to make him feel alienated and uncomfortable dealing with everyday life. Simply put, everyone has to come up with a way to deal with the real world, maybe its not a perfect place but one has to adapt at one point or another. The people who are successful in life are the ones who can embrace the culture they live in without the negative aspects of that culture dragging them down. If you raise your kid in a vacuum he or she is either going to be socially inept for life or its going to get very ugly when they hit college. Quote
TyClimber Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 In an attempt to clarify, kids who aren't exposed to popular culture have a very hard time making friends with other kids who have grown up with it. Quote
Dru Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Re; moving to Alaska.... Did you know that rural inhabitants have higher obesity rates, lower life expectancy, higher rates of nicotine, alcohol, and drug abuse, and higher rates of domestic violence than city dwellers? Also, they listen to more country music and more frequently reported sexual encounters with farm animals (rate 3 times higher in Kinsey report). If you want to raise your kid right you should head for a cosmopolitan urban area, not the wilderness. Quote
foraker Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 In an attempt to clarify, kids who aren't exposed to popular culture have a very hard time making friends with other kids who have grown up with it. Exhibit 1: Home-schooled kids of religious parents who don't like every kid in the neighborhood. Quote
OlegV Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 How about no allowance and if he wants anything even slightly spendy, he has to pay half, which means work? It seems he doesn't need much money or anything at all. Just, as you said, he wants to be left alone in his room. Scary. The main problem though is not just the lack of interests and poor grades, but never ending lies. Quote
OlegV Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 Re; moving to Alaska.... Did you know that rural inhabitants have higher obesity rates, lower life expectancy, higher rates of nicotine, alcohol, and drug abuse, and higher rates of domestic violence than city dwellers? Also, they listen to more country music and more frequently reported sexual encounters with farm animals (rate 3 times higher in Kinsey report). If you want to raise your kid right you should head for a cosmopolitan urban area, not the wilderness. We lived in New York City for 10 years. Getto Quote
cj001f Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 It seems he doesn't need much money or anything at all. Just, as you said, he wants to be left alone in his room. Scary. The main problem though is not just the lack of interests and poor grades, but never ending lies. Have you thought about a psychiatrist r.e depression? Quote
Dru Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Hell ya, get him hooked on Ritalin and Prozac! Quote
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