Republican Natl Convention Agenda

[willstrickland]

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE, New York 2004

 

6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell

6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)

6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment

7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong

7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries

7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner.

8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children

8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)

8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The government of the future

9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"

9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong

9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The real cause of forest fires

9:30 PM Break for secret meetings

10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas

10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy

10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho

10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare

10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt

10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans

10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong

10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: A drain on our nation's economy.

11:10 PM Hillary Clinton piZata

11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: Evolutionists: The dangerous new cult

11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.

11:35 PM Blame Clinton

11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies

11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself

12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

[AlpineK]

[catbirdseat]

Brilliant

[willstrickland]

I like this one best:

 

EPA Address #2 Trees: The real cause of forest fires

[AlpineK]

It takes fuel to start a fire.

[Skeezix]

Unless it's interrupted by the big expected terrorist attack...

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

 

Jackpot!

[olyclimber]

Interesting, the announcement of those possible terror attacks. I'm not saying that they aren't based on actual information, but they will certainly allow "additional security" to keep protesters away from the RNC (and the DNC) as well as the G8 in Georgia. Tinfoil, anyone?

[bunglehead]

 

That's what I was thinking!