jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 10 pounds of shit in a five pound bag looks like someone set his face on fire and tried to put it out with a bag of nickels built like a brick shithouse i feel like the ground floor tenant in a two story outhouse Quote
EWolfe Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 "That's opening a real can of worms." "Dirtier than a shithouse rat" "Once bitten, twice shy" "First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me." "Elementary, my dear Watson!" "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Quote
cracked Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 "Elementary, my dear Watson!" The annoying thing is that in ALL of the Sherlock Holmes stories, NOWHERE does he say this. Either "elementary" OR "my dear Watson", NEVER the two together. Now that was have the crucial bit of history cleared up, carry on. Quote
Dru Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 Dumber than a bag of hammers. Not the sharpest crayon in the box. A few bricks short of a load. All hat and no cattle. She's so full of shit her eyes are brown. About as useful as tits on a bull. When you've got a hammer in your hands everything looks like a nail. Dumb as fuck. We can do this your way or the right way. Quote
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 queer as a three dollar bill he couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a bass fiddle he couldn't the broad side of a barn he couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat he's full of piss and vinegar he went ass over tea kettle nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs Quote
ScottP Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 "First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me." And the Shrub variant: "Fool me once, shame ... shame on ... you." Quote
Dan_Harris Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 If it doesn't fit, force it. If it still doesn't fit, get a bigger hammer. Hornier than a 3 balled billy goat. Dumber than a sack of potatoes. Lights are on, but no ones home, The blind leading the blind. Two wrongs don't make a right, but 3 lefts do. Quote
Fejas Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 uglyer than a mud fence! Dumber than a box of rock! What ever floats er boat! one in the hand is worth two in the bush! he with small hammer pounds all night long! don't bit off more than you can chew! don't eat what you can't shit! beter off dead! you get less action than an ugly seventh grader! It was fun and it was real, but It wasn't real fun... Any body like the Cable Guy? - Wetter than a bus load of fat women on their way to the Ricky Martin consert! More frustrated than a legless Ethiopian watching a donut roll down a hill! Mader than Jesse Jackson having to answer the white curtace phone at the airport! Mader than a skin-head havin to watch the Jeffersons! Quote
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger ~confucious Quote
arlen Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 This is pretty much better than a lyrics thread Quote
willstrickland Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 Man sitting in mountain outhouse is high on pot - ScottFucious Quote
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 if she's old enough to crawl, she's in the right position if she's got muff, she's old 'nuff Quote
sk Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 (edited) want in one hand, shit in the other and see wich one gets fuller faster Edited March 12, 2004 by Muffy_The_Wanker_Sprayer Quote
Mtguide Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 I first heard that one as a kid in Texas,stated as a "fresh fucked fox in a forest fire".Little better alliteration for emphasis that way. Quote
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 it's like tryin to stick a wet noodle into a slot machine Quote
glacierdog Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 My dad is the king of these, Shit fire and save the matches (don't ask I don't know.) Raining like a cow pissin on a flat rock. I'd take a bite a'her and pray for lockjaw. Hotter'n 2 squirrels in a wool sock fightin for respectability. colder'n a welldiggers butt in february. There's a thousand of his I can't remember. I should get him to post here. Quote
willstrickland Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 Drunker than a bicycle. Older than dirt. Uglier than sin. Hangin' in there like a hair in a biscuit Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit Quote
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 she looks like she took a nose dive from the top of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down like two peas in a pod birds of a feather flock together eat shit and die she's madder than a wet hen Quote
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