jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 happier than a puppy with two peckers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 10 pounds of shit in a five pound bag looks like someone set his face on fire and tried to put it out with a bag of nickels built like a brick shithouse i feel like the ground floor tenant in a two story outhouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EWolfe Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 "That's opening a real can of worms." "Dirtier than a shithouse rat" "Once bitten, twice shy" "First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me." "Elementary, my dear Watson!" "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracked Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 "Elementary, my dear Watson!" The annoying thing is that in ALL of the Sherlock Holmes stories, NOWHERE does he say this. Either "elementary" OR "my dear Watson", NEVER the two together. Now that was have the crucial bit of history cleared up, carry on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 Dumber than a bag of hammers. Not the sharpest crayon in the box. A few bricks short of a load. All hat and no cattle. She's so full of shit her eyes are brown. About as useful as tits on a bull. When you've got a hammer in your hands everything looks like a nail. Dumb as fuck. We can do this your way or the right way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 queer as a three dollar bill he couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a bass fiddle he couldn't the broad side of a barn he couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat he's full of piss and vinegar he went ass over tea kettle nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottP Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 "First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me." And the Shrub variant: "Fool me once, shame ... shame on ... you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan_Harris Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 If it doesn't fit, force it. If it still doesn't fit, get a bigger hammer. Hornier than a 3 balled billy goat. Dumber than a sack of potatoes. Lights are on, but no ones home, The blind leading the blind. Two wrongs don't make a right, but 3 lefts do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fejas Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 uglyer than a mud fence! Dumber than a box of rock! What ever floats er boat! one in the hand is worth two in the bush! he with small hammer pounds all night long! don't bit off more than you can chew! don't eat what you can't shit! beter off dead! you get less action than an ugly seventh grader! It was fun and it was real, but It wasn't real fun... Any body like the Cable Guy? - Wetter than a bus load of fat women on their way to the Ricky Martin consert! More frustrated than a legless Ethiopian watching a donut roll down a hill! Mader than Jesse Jackson having to answer the white curtace phone at the airport! Mader than a skin-head havin to watch the Jeffersons! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger ~confucious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arlen Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 This is pretty much better than a lyrics thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willstrickland Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 Man sitting in mountain outhouse is high on pot - ScottFucious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whirlwind Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 he who laughs last.. thinks slowest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whirlwind Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 if there's grass on the field play ball Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 if she's old enough to crawl, she's in the right position if she's got muff, she's old 'nuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sk Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 (edited) want in one hand, shit in the other and see wich one gets fuller faster Edited March 12, 2004 by Muffy_The_Wanker_Sprayer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mtguide Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 I first heard that one as a kid in Texas,stated as a "fresh fucked fox in a forest fire".Little better alliteration for emphasis that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 don't shit where you eat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layton Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 Prettier than a new set of snowtires Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 happier than a pig in shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 it's like tryin to stick a wet noodle into a slot machine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glacierdog Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 My dad is the king of these, Shit fire and save the matches (don't ask I don't know.) Raining like a cow pissin on a flat rock. I'd take a bite a'her and pray for lockjaw. Hotter'n 2 squirrels in a wool sock fightin for respectability. colder'n a welldiggers butt in february. There's a thousand of his I can't remember. I should get him to post here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willstrickland Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 Drunker than a bicycle. Older than dirt. Uglier than sin. Hangin' in there like a hair in a biscuit Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjd Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 she looks like she took a nose dive from the top of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down like two peas in a pod birds of a feather flock together eat shit and die she's madder than a wet hen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.