minx Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take 'The Psycho Path' 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It. 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't Work? A Stick. 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers. 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes 'Whack, Damn!' A Bad Skydiver Goes 'Damn! Whack.' 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag. Substitute the word "Snowboard" for Harley. That is how I first heard that joke. Big Lou told it. How do you hide your rent money from your snowboarder roomies? Answer: under the bar of soap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenderfour Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 what do you call a one-legged dog? It doesn't matter, he won't come to you anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bohanon Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Seen that new drink, Smirnoff Ice? I’d like to see them come out with Papsmirnoff Ice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan_Harris Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 Did you hear about the dude who broke his leg while raking leaves? He fell out of the tree. Why don't men have to worry about mad cow disease? Becuse they're all pigs. (My wife is standing here with a bat and making me write this one. ) Two muffins were in an oven when one says, "It's hot in here!" The other one says, "Holy shit, a talking muffin!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunglehead Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 How do you know when a snowboarder's been in your house? They're still there! How does a snowboarder introduce himself? Sorry, dude!! What do you call a snowboarder in a business suit? Defendant. BA-DOOM-CHA!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sobo Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 "Mommy, mommy, mommy! I don't wanna go around in circles anymore!" Shut up, ya little shit, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bohanon Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return, I expect to see it completed." Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work.. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions. Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire. "Why, that's exactly what you asked for," said the artist smugly.. "No! I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer's last thoughts!" "And there you have it," said the artist. "I call it, 'Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians.'" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gripped Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 "Mommy, mommy, mommy! I don't wanna go around in circles anymore!" Shut up, ya little shit, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!" MILF? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thelawgoddess Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 where's my groaning graemlin??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 He shoulda painted an arrow cause that was probably the last thing to go thru Custer's brain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thinker Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 Actually, he probably shot himself in the head before the natives got to him. His was one of the few white bodies on the battlefield that wasn't ritually mutilated, often a sign of bad karma...such as suicide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mothboy88 Posted February 15, 2004 Share Posted February 15, 2004 What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has pricks on the outside... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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