StuPiD LaWS

[EWolfe]

 

WASHINGTON

 

State Law:

 

--All lollipops are banned.

--A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town."

--It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.

--People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.

--All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle.

--It is illegal to pretend that one's parents are rich.

--You are not allowed to breastfeed in public. (Repealed)

--One may not spit on a bus.

--When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed.

--You cannot buy meat of any kind on Sunday.

--It is illegal to attach a vending machine to a utility pole without prior consent from the utility company. Furthermore, if permission is granted, the vending machine may not be less than twelve feet from the ground.

--No person may walk about in public if he or she has the common cold.

--Destroying a beer cask or bottle of another is illegal.

--It is illegal to entice girls away from the Maple Lane School for girls.

--X-rays may not be used to fit shoes.

 

Local Law:

 

Auburn:

--Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.

 

Bremerton:

--You may not shuck peanuts on the street.

 

Everett:

--It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window.

 

Lynden:

--Dancing and drinking may not occur at the same establishment.

 

Seattle:

--You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.

--One may not spit on a bus.

--Women who sit on men's laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term.

--No one may set fire to another person's property without prior permission.

--It is illegal to carry a fishbowl or aquarium onto a bus because the sound of the water sloshing may disturb other passengers.

 

Spokane:

--TV's may not be bought on Sundays.

 

Spokane County:

--Strippers may not come closer than four feet to any customer.

 

Waldron Island:

--No structure shall contain more than two toilets that use potable water for flushing. -San Juan County Ordinance NO. 7 -1995 (Passed June 7,1995)

 

Wilbur:

--You may not ride an ugly horse.

 

source

 

[catbirdseat]

"Waldron Island:

--No structure shall contain more than two toilets that use potable water for flushing. -San Juan County Ordinance NO. 7 -1995 (Passed June 7,1995) "

 

This might not be so StuPiD. Fresh water is scarce in the islands. Some of the smaller islands have to bring in water by ferry. I'm sure BillyGoat knows more than I do.

 

[lummox]

catbirdseat said:

"Waldron Island:

--No structure shall contain more than two toilets that use potable water for flushing. -San Juan County Ordinance NO. 7 -1995 (Passed June 7,1995) "

 

This might not be so StuPiD. Fresh water is scarce in the islands. Some of the smaller islands have to bring in water by ferry. I'm sure BillyGoat knows more than I do.

stop it. being stoopid yurself that is. as if fewer toilets would limit the number of shits and flushes.

[murraysovereign]

lummox said:

catbirdseat said:

"Waldron Island:

--No structure shall contain more than two toilets that use potable water for flushing. -San Juan County Ordinance NO. 7 -1995 (Passed June 7,1995) "

 

This might not be so StuPiD. Fresh water is scarce in the islands. Some of the smaller islands have to bring in water by ferry. I'm sure BillyGoat knows more than I do.

stop it. being stoopid yurself that is. as if fewer toilets would limit the number of shits and flushes.

 

The key words here are "potable water." If you want more than two toilets in the house, they need to be either composters or incinerator style or chemical, or they have to use recycled water to flush (bathtub / shower / sinks all drain into cystern that is used for flushing). You can still have as many toilets as you want, but only two can use drinking water. Makes sense to me, in fact why should any toilet use perfectly good drinking water to flush, except as a last resort? It's probably just a matter of time before this sort of thing becomes standard regulation in a lot of places with limited access to clean water.

[lummox]

murraysovereign said:

why should any toilet use perfectly good drinking water to flush, except as a last resort?

cuz you can drink it.

[murraysovereign]

lummox said:

murraysovereign said:

why should any toilet use perfectly good drinking water to flush, except as a last resort?

cuz you can drink it.

 

Not after it's been used for flushing - at least, not in my country. But hey, you guys have always kind of gone your own way, so we'll just leave you to it.

 

Bon apetit.

[Ratboy]

Won't someone think of the dogs??

 

 

[ketch]

Don't knock the rules sometimes there fun. It used to be in wenatchee that you had to have a police escort to operate a motor driven vehicle inside the city limits. One apple blossum weekend a certain group of dirt bags showed up at the city limits and insisted that the police escort us to our camp site on the other side of town. One car every 15 min. A bunch of tourist thought we were some kind of important folk. The po po made sure that we knew we could get ticketted for ANY infraction. Monday the law was gone but it was fun for the moment.

[G-spotter]

Hey, are lollipops still illegal in Washington? I can hook you guys up with some Chupa Chups.

[ken4ord]

Hey, are lollipops still illegal in Washington? I can hook you guys up with some Chupa Chups.

 

Damn Canadians are always pushing the illegal stuff across the border.

[Billygoat]

On Waldron, indoor plumbing has been a recognized sign of the End of Days, and more than one toilet, a mark of the devil which signifies a willingness to lead one's neighbors astray. The next thing you know, they'll have to get license plates for the three cars they have out there

[Dechristo]

A buddy of mine swaps one license plate between two trucks (Toyotas) and one plate between three bikes (Harleys).

[lI1|1!]

I shot a moose, once. I was hunting up-state New York, and I shot a moose, and I strap him on to the fender of my car, and I'm driving home along the west side highway, but what I didn't realize was, that the bullet did not penetrate the moose. It just creased the scalp, knocking him unconscious. And I'm driving through the Holland tunnel - the moose woke up. So I'm driving with a live moose on my fender. The moose is signaling for a turn, y'know. There's a law in New York state against driving with a conscious moose on your fender, tuesday, thursday and saturday. And I'm very panicky, and then it hits me: some friends of mine is having a costume party. I'll go, I'll take the moose, I'll ditch him at the party. It wouldn't be my responsibillity.

 

So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door. The moose is next to me. My host comes to the door. I say "Hello. You know the Solomons". We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored. Two guys were trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half. Twelve o'clock comes - they give out prices for the best costume of the night. First price goes to the Burcowiches, a maried couple dressed as a moose. The moose comes in second. The moose is furious. He and the Burcowiches lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious. Now, I figured, is my chance. I grab the moose, strap him onto my fender, and shoot back to the roads, but - I got the Burcowiches. So I'm driving along with two jewish people on my fender, and there's a law in New York State ... tuesdays, thursdays and especially saturday.

 

The following morning the Burcowiches wake up in the woods, in a moose suit. Mr. Burcowich is shot, stuffed and mounted - at the New York Athletic Club, and the joke is on them, because it's restricted.

[Billygoat]

holy shit!

 

[MisterMo]

You stayed gone.....a week?

 

What's more destructively addictive: heroin, nicotine, or spray?

[G-spotter]

sucka

[ZimZam]

Woody Allen ?

[lI1|1!]

Woody Allen ?

 

yup.

[Off_White]

You stayed gone.....a week?

 

What's more destructively addictive: heroin, nicotine, or spray?

 

Read the date on the post, this is vintage MisterE from 2003. MisterE is gone, at least for a bit.

[archenemy]

apparently he OD'd

[MisterMo]

Oops.