allthumbs Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 don't know who wrote this bitch, but I can relate * 1 star hangover No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap, which has given you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries. ** 2 star hangover No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels. *** 3 star hangover Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball hero watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke-yet you haven't peed once. **** 4 star hangover Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Grover Cleveland HS, class of '84. ***** 5 star hangover, aka "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell." You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the **** fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your otherwise empty house. ****** 6 star hangover Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nut smacker" You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow managed to getup before you. You try to lift your head. Not an option. Then you inadvertently turn your head too quickly and smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair. Suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your forehead......the stamp on the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers. You wonder if God actually remembers the deal you made with him last night. __________________ Quote
Fence_Sitter Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 (edited) deleted due to the contents being really mean Edited June 9, 2003 by Fence_Sitter Quote
Sphinx Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 So what the fuck is the point of getting rip-roaring drunk? Quote
allthumbs Posted June 9, 2003 Author Posted June 9, 2003 Be sure you lock your doors and windows at home. A local man was murdered in his home over the weekend. Detectives found him face down in the bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk and cornflakes, and a banana was sticking out of his butt. Police suspect a cereal killer. Quote
iain Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 Always good to come back on a Sunday evening to see one of the standard weekend threads: Re: I'm reallly wsated rright now Re: I'M DRUNK BWAHAHA Re: lock up yer wimmin Re: Hangovers Quote
EWolfe Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 Paul_detrick said: been there done that Got the frickin t-shirt... Quote
micajones Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 ** after 6 hrs on the Columbia river yesterday. Life is good. Quote
thelawgoddess Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 squamish pub club: or make that: or make that: Quote
Fejas Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 That hangover list is the absolute truth... I've seen all 1-6 star hangovers and loved every min of it... Quote
Fejas Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 starting at #3 / trying to brush the teeth in the back and the tougne just makes you vomit... Quote
thelawgoddess Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 yeah, doesn't that just suck? you try to get that nasty acid out of your mouth and what happens? you get a nice clean mouth for about 30 seconds. and then you're right back where you started. ugh. Quote
iain Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 yum, gotta love the post college party kisses. charming no wait, more like Quote
thelawgoddess Posted June 9, 2003 Posted June 9, 2003 dude, what kind of class-less chicks have you been kissing? ick! Quote
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