history and the use of the F word

[Scott_J]

There are only 10 times in history the "f word" has been acceptable for use:

10. "Scattered @#$%ing showers.... My ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC

9. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC

8. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 566

7. "Look at all them @#$%ing Indians!" - Custer, 1876

6. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926

5. "Where the @#$% am I?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937

4. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938

3. "What the @#$% was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$%'s going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1999

And number 1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

1. "Geez, I didn't think they were that @#$% serious" - Saddam Hussein, 2003

 

[Off_White]

Here's one for you Sisu:

 

An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better! " he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that"?

 

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him."

 

"That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear."

 

"Exactly."

 

[JoshK]

[allthumbs]

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband kissing a beautiful redhead.

 

She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps up, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

 

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

 

[sk]

After the catholic church invented prostitution because a proper wife would never be sexualy active, they invented a sign that said

 

F.U.C.K.

 

fornicating under consent (of the) king

 

[Fejas]

 

way to go cathlics!!!

[Scott_J]

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, won't eat it if they know what it is - so does not tell them His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner?" "You'll see", says his dad. They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating. "Ok," says her dad, "here's a hint: Its what your mother sometimes calls me.

 

The girl suddenly screams at her little brother, "Spit it out! It's asshole!"

 

[sk]

[Scott_J]

"American Pi"

all rights reserved

lyric © 1997, 1998, 2000 Lawrence Mark Lesser

May be sung to the tune of Don McLean’s “American Pie”

 

CHORUS: Find, find the value of pi,

starts 3 point 1 4 1 5 9.

Good ol’ boys gave it a try,

but the decimal never dies,

The decimal never dies.........

 

In the Hebrew Bible we do see

the circle ratio appears as three,

And the Rhind Papyrus does report four-thirds to the fourth,

& 22 sevenths Archimedes found

with polygons was a good upper bound.

The Chinese got it really keen:

three-five-five over one thirteen!

More joined the action

with arctan series and continued fractions.

In the seventeen-hundreds, my oh my,

the English coined the symbol PI,

Then Lambert showed it was a lie

to look for rational pi.

He started singing .......... (Repeat Chorus)

 

Late eighteen-hundreds, Lindemann shared

why a circle can’t be squared

But there’s no tellin’ some people --

can’t pop their bubble with Buffon’s needle,

Like the country doctor who sought renown

from a new “truth” he thought he found.

The Indiana Senate floor

read his bill that made ? four.

That bill got through the House

with a vote unanimous!

But in the end the statesmen sighed,

“It’s not for us to decide,”

So the bill was left to die

Like the quest for rational pi.

They started singing ........ (Repeat Chorus)

 

That doctor’s ? in the sky dreams

may not look so extreme

If you take a look back:

math’maticians long thought that

Deductive systems could be complete

and there was one true geometry.

Now in these computer times,

we test the best machines to find

? to a billion places

that so far lack pattern’s traces.

It’s great when we can truly see

math as human history--

That adds curiosity...... easy as ?!

Let’s all try singing..... (Repeat Chorus)

 

 

[Scott_J]

Statistics England is hiring mathematician. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: One has a degree in pure mathematics, the 2nd in applied math and the 3rd a B.Sc. in statistics. All three are asked the same question: "What is 1/3+2/3?"

The pure mathematician: "It's one."

The applied mathematician: "It's 0.999999999."

The statistician: "What do you want it to be?"

Edited May 5, 2003 by sisu_suomi