For years I've read stupid posts and have decided that rather than lash out at these folks, I'd help them out a bit. This is how I see it: There are pigs that can manipulate joysticks, yet some of you morons can't even seem to make an intelligible post. If you can't spell or use proper punctuation and grammar, don't post. In fact, here are some helpful guidelines so you can know when NOT to post:
• If your keyboard doesn't work, don't post.
• If you're going to be cute and use the word "tha" instead of "the," don't post, it will only piss people off.
• If you're an idiot and don't know what an "argument" is, don't post (this means you, Mr. "I don't know the difference between a proposition and a quarrel," you dumb fuck).
• If you tend to use the acronym "LOL" a lot, don't bother trying to remember not to use it in the post, it's just easier for you to not post. Whatever it is that you have to say probably isn't important because you're an idiot.
• If your post starts out with the phrase "I'm posting because I'm bored," save my IGNORE function some wear by not posting.
• If your age (this includes mental age) consists of a single digit, DON'T POST, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.
• If you want to show me what a righteous and forgiving person you are by cursing others to hell don't bother, we’ve heard it all.
• If you found your kids looking at cc.com and you don't want them to read it anymore, learn to discipline your children and spare us your incessant bitching.
• If your post ends with "I guess I went off on a tangent," you're a dipshit, quit wasting time.
• Don't beg folks to post in response to your post, if your writing was that great to begin with, you'd probably have something better to do than to beg strangers on the internet to respond your witty retorts.
• I know you think you're the first person to discover the lame ass Pamela Anderson picture, and although everyone enjoys the timeless of looking at plastic tits with airbrushed nipples, assume that everyone has already seen it and DON'T POST IT HERE OR ANYWHERE ELSE. To be on the safe side, format your hard drive and cancel your internet account.
• If you find yourself using a thesaurus more than twice per post, you're an idiot. Stick to what you know: drinking $6 frappuccinos and reading the latest Anne Rice novel while you write entries for your stupid blog that nobody reads.
• "Dope" is not an adjective.
That about covers it for now. If you're going to post and you're not sure whether or not it's stupid, play it safe and presume it is. Together we can make Spray idiot-free.
