John, you seem to be suffering from an attitude problem. I'm just trying to warn you that you may find it hard to get help if you go around calling everyone a "turd". and you still need to describe the objective. i don't think your project will be successful unless you gather requirements, document everything to CYA, herd the cats, and ensure there is not scope creep.
i need a new job in the climbing industry (one that pays very well, of course). i wish my biggest projects right now where ones involving rock or mountains. woe is me.