>REASONS WHY: "I AM STAYING NAVY:
>1. Yesterday sucked, today sucked, tomorrow is going to suck, and
>this
>seems to be a pretty solid forecast for the rest of my enlistment.
>2. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year training
>for
>something that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never do.
>3. WWWDWOA? (what would we do without acronyms?)
>4. Taking simple daily tasks and breaking them down into nuclear
>physics before doing them.
>5. Having to attend a brief prior to carrying out any task more
>complicated than picking my nose.
>6. Being a personal servant (that's basically all I am) to any one of
>the 300 thousand people in the navy who out-rank me.
>7. Being a grown man and having somebody inspecting me everyday to
>make
>sure I shaved, put my clothes on properly, and put my shoes on the right
>feet.
>8. Where else would I have the chance to be stuck on a ship with a
>couple hundred people in the middle of nowhere for six months at a time?
>9. Standing "watch."
>10. Being guaranteed at least two hours of sleep for every 24 hour period
>of time.
>11. Getting relieved late after standing watch for four hours with a
>bullet-proof vest on, a 20lb helmet, and a 20lb rifle in the middle of a
>typical Floridian summer day.
>12. Having to wear a "cover," or hat, every time I want to go outside.
>13. I love cleaning the same places over and over and over until either
>the
>paint comes off or my hands are bleeding.
>14. I couldn't live without having to write a "request-chit" to do
>anything
>other than breathe or wipe my ass, only to have it disapproved and turned
>down with a lame ass reason as to why they turned it down.
>15. Where else do you get the chance to spend every night in a bed the
>size
>of a shelf in a typical closet?
>16. Without the navy's influence and good teaching, I would never have
>realized that you can sweep water with a broom for hours every time it
>rains.
>17. There just isn't that many jobs out there where you can rest assured
>that everyone you work for is just waiting to screw you over any way they
>possibly can.
>18. If I got out, I would surely miss the idea of waking up every morning
>for "muster."
>19. Standing duty.
>20. If you really want to have fun in life the best way is to go live on a
>ship all year round even when it is in port, and only go visit your
>relatives and friends back home once or twice a year, after begging for
>three months for your boss to let you go and rescheduling your trip 3 times
>to fit the ship's schedule.
>21. Knowing what words like "scuttlebutt" and "bulkhead" actually mean.
>22. Getting to wear civilian clothes whenever I am not on the ship.
>23. Getting to eat meat that comes in boxes labeled " not fit for human
>consumption" and "for institutional use only."
>24. Where else would you have the chance to be out at sea for 38 days
>straight, about ten miles off the coast of the Virgin Islands and not pull
>into a port once? What really made that great was that the captain told us
>we were going to pull in every week, then we never did. It is really good
>for your mental health to be strung-along like that.
>25. Getting "random" drug tests every couple of weeks. I was "randomly"
>picked for every test for almost two years straight. Not many people can
>testify to taking about 50 drug tests in the past two years without having
>ever been caught doing drugs in my life.
>26. Waking up every morning and going to "quarters" where a piece of paper
>is read to me even though it is posted on the wall and on the ships
>internet, both of which I have access to. I guess I can't read.
>27. Blowing compressed air throughout every crack and
>dust/dirt/asbestos/germ filled crevice in a space with no ventilation and
>spending the rest of the day in that space. Preferably, the space would be
>filled with dust and dirt that has been building up for at least 20 years.
>28. Going to medical complaining of severe heart and chest pain after
>completing REASON #27, and being told to come back during "sick-call" the
>next day.
>29. Wearing the same uniform as an auto-mechanic and having to iron it
>everyday and get a new one every time it gets a stain on it so that you are
>inspection-ready.
>30. I love the fact that my opinion has about as much influence as my
>sister's pet iguana's. The only opinions that matter come from people
>wearing khakis.
>31. Because no matter how much I hate my job, I have to respectfully
>request to get a different one. Even then it is only if my "chain of
>command" permits.
>32. You do not have to respect the person, you have to respect what they
>wear on their collar.
>33. I love living in a room with 180 other guys; half of which cannot lift
>a toilet seat to piss and don't have a clue what a shower is for.
>34. Having the bedroom, showers, and toilettes for the above listed 180
>guys in one stinky room.
>35. I hate sleeping. Go Navy ! Yeah f*cking right.
>36. I love the fact that the military wonders why we have so many people
>around the world that hate our country. I am sure that us being bullies
>and
>telling the world what they can and cannot do, then ignoring those rules
>ourselves has nothing to do with it
>37. I hate good food.
>38. I love the " you are U.S. ambassadors" speech.
>39. I hate spending time with my family.
>40. Not only getting to do my own job, but getting stuck with as many
>collateral duties as my chain of command wants to give me.
>41. "SWEEPERS, SWEEPERS, MAN YOUR BROOMS. GIVE THE SHIPA CLEAN SWEEP DOWN
>FORE AND AFT. SWEEP DOWN ALL LOWER DECKS, LADDER-BACKS AND PASSAGEWAYS.
>TAKE ALL TRASH TO RECEPTICLES PROVIDED ON THE PIER. NOW SWEEPERS"
>42. Having to change your computer password every two weeks to keep
>terrorists from hacking into our email or printing PQS or even playing a
>innocent game of solitaire.
>43. Having a "PQS"(personnel qualification standard) for any job you might
>have to do more complicated than itching your nuts.
>44. I love the fact that you get paid more if you have more kids to take
>care of. I call it the "crack-head reproduction incentive." This
>encourages
>thousands of young sailors less mature than most ten-year olds to have as
>many kids as possible.
>45. There just aren't many fields to work in where adultery is considered
>to be a good thing to put on your eval.
>46. Because no-one outside of the navy speaks our particular brand of
>english. Try explaining how you swabbed the deck on the forecastle(but
>only
>the slick-deck), while field daying. And how the head was OOC so you had
>to
>get water for the cadillac from the scuttlebutt, but seaman Jones was
>sky-larking so you had to put him on report...I mean Whiskey Tango Foxtrot:
>it's enough to make you say FTN.
>47. I want a job that will not allow me to go home and see the birth of my
>child. I think that it would be cool to have four kids and not see any of
>their births.
>48. Hey, at least you can retire from the navy in twenty years. When you
>get out you can go work at a company with a former third class that you
>treated like shit, only difference from then and now is that he will be
>your
>boss.
>49. When you get out you will only be 38-40. You still have your entire
>life ahead of you. Yeah, okay, I want my life to start at 38.
>50. I like to watch the same movies over and over for six months straight
>because that is the only form of entertainment I have.
>51. "Excuse me, I noticed that you have exceptionally large shit-stains on
>your underwear...would you like to do our laundry together?
>52. What? You are going on leave? You better go and shave before you
>leave this ship.
>53. Oh, look...There's the boss. We better all stand at attention until
>he
>tells us we can move. Do they do that in the civilian world too?
>54. Is that local time or Zulu?
>55. I want to work somewhere that has total control of my paycheck so that
>they can take half if I mess up.
>56. If I get in trouble out in town I would like to get woken up the next
>day at 6 am and have to stand in front of my boss, manager, assistant
>manager, and anyone else who has nothing better to do so that they can all
>chew my ass.
>57. Please seclude me from the outside world for six months; I want no
>news, no sports, and no word from home because you cut off my e-mail.
>Thank
>you, may I have another?
>58. Can we be tested to make sure we are physically-fit every six months,
>only please make exceptions to this for enormously fat 30+ year old first
>classes and above.
>59. "Sorry guys, the fog is too heavy for us to pull in. I guess we'll
>have to just anchor out and look and the basin all night.
>60. It's always fun to try and explain what a Petty Officer is to
>civilians(those not affiliated with the military(i.e. 99.5% of the
>population.) The literal meaning: Petty: of small importance or
>consequence; trifling, trivial. Officer: a person appointed to a position
>of authority or command in the armed forces. So someone who commands
>something of small importance? Not only that but you get to have grades of
>Petty Authority. Petty Authority Second Class or Third Class. How much
>importance can that actually have?
>61. Where else can you pay taxes to pay your own paycheck?
>62. You take an oath to support and defend the Constitution, and after
>that
>the Constitution doesn't even apply to you.
>63. We spend weeks honing our skills at making our ship air-tight and then
>when it rains water gets in.
>64. Because only during magic shows and navy working hours are the rules
>of
>logic suspended.
>65. Because no-matter how stupid you are, you will eventually get promoted
>by accumulating points for not getting promoted.
>66. Because where else can you get your teeth drilled and fucked up
>whether
>they need it or not ?
>67. I like constantly fighting the gravitational pull from leaning 10
>degrees one way ALL the time.
>68. I like getting my mail two months late.
>69. Nothing beats being told that you can't email your family and friends,
>unless you wear a tan belt. Again Go Navy...f*ck that too.
>70. Where else can you get given shots by people who claim to practice
>medicine that didn't even graduate from high school, and can't even
>pronounce the name of the drug that they are injecting you with?
>71. Because if you've had enough military bullshit for one lifetime and
>you
>want to quit, you can rest assured that the navy will do everything it can
>to fuck you over for the rest of your life.
>72. Because it's fun to go to medical to get your eye checked out and have
>the corpsman point a light in your eye for ten minutes until you are blind
>and then to hear them say, "that was cool, let's try the other one."
>73. Why did our parents even bother giving us first names?
>74. IN what other job can you do things NOT the RIGHT WAY, but the NAVY
>WAY?
>75. Sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day long until about 4:00pm,
>even though I finished all of my work by ten in the morning is really fun
>to
>do every FUCKING DAY...it builds character.
>76. Where else does the Super Bowl Halftime Show incorporate five-minute
>long commercials about suicide prevention and "Name that State" trivia?
>77. Who really wants to have any control over their life anyway?
>78. I want to eat nothing but fish and/or chicken and rice as the main
>course of every meal for six months straight.
>79. After I work diligently for twenty years at the same job I want to get
>promoted to the statues of "chief" so that I can share an office with 30
>other people that is called the "goat locker." Preferably, this office will
>not have a view.
>80. Because though the Navy's policy is sought to be followed by all in
>the
>Navy, yet the Spruance policy can overide the Navy's policy at the blink of
>an eye. Example: Milpersman says this, Spruance says that...Lets go with
>the
>Spruance one...
>81.Here's an idea...Lets go to work at 7:00 am, get underway at 4:00pm,
>keep
>working until we have a General Quarters Drill at 1000pm that lasts until
>midnight or 1:00 in the morning. Then we can wait in line to take our
>showers in the nasty ass shower stalls and go to sleep for maybe 3 hours
>just to get up and do the same exact thing the next day.
>82. Lets run a General Quarters Drill and then tell the crew that they
>can't take a shower afterwards...what the fuck is that shit???????
>83.GO NAVY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No Don't....Go To College.....
>84. Flight Quarters for 11 hours straight.
>82.Put some of these reasons in the Navy commercials with the Godsmack
>music
>and see how many people the Navy suckers in then.
>83.Sweating your ass of for 10 hours on a working party, then collapse and
>go to medical and having them tell you your not hydrated enough even though
>all potable water is secured.
>84.
>
