Metalhead_Mojo

Q. What do Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common? A. They both have little boys pants half off. Q. What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? A. He drowns. Q. What's the first thing a woman should do when she leaves the woman's shelter? A. The dishes, if she know's what's good for her. Q. What do anal sex and spinach have in common? A. If you were forced to have it as a boy you're going to hate it as an adult. Q. What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind lady? A. Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone Q. What does a Jewish pedophile say? A. Hey kid, wanna buy a piece of candy? Q. What is worse than a dead dog on your piano? A. An infected pussy on your organ. Q. What's 12 inches long and stiff in the morning? A. Crib death. Q. How can a man tell if his wife has died? A. The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up. Q. Why did God create yeast infections? A. So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt. Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz 2 Men? A. He thought they were a delivery service. Q. Did you know why there was only one black crew member on Challenger? A. They didn't know it was going to blow up. Q. How does the redneck mother know when her daughter is having her period? A. Her son's dick tastes funny. Q. How do you know if you have a high sperm count? A. Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows. Q. What do you do when your dishwasher breaks? A. Kick her in the ass and tell her to get back to work. Q. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? A. Nothing, the bitch has already been told twice. Q. How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark. Q. What does a redneck call safe sex? A. Marking the sheep that kick. Q. How many L.A.P.D. police officers does it take to beat the hell out of a gang member? A. None, he fell down. Q. What is better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics? A. The ability to walk. Q. What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A. "I feel like a kid again." Q. How do you know when a redneck is on her period? A. She's only wearing one sock. Q. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? A. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries. Q. What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? A. He wiped. Q. What is the definition of a redneck virgin? A. A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers. Q. How many men does it take to open a can of beer ? A. None, it should be open by the time she brings it to the couch.

A RedNeck walked into a lawyer's office wanting to file for a divorce. The lawyer asked, "May I help you?" The RedNeck said, "Yea, I want one of those dayvorces." The lawyer said, "Well...do you have any grounds?" The RedNeck replied, "Yes, I got about 140 acres." The lawyer said, "No, you don't understand. Do you have a case?" The RedNeck said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The lawyer said, "You don't understand. I mean do you have a grudge?" The RedNeck said,"Sure I got a grudge, that's where I parks my John Deere." The lawyer said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The RedNeck said, "Oh yes, sir, I got me a suit alright. I wears it to church on Sundays." The exasperated lawyer said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The RedNeck said, "No, we both get up at 4:30 in the morning." The lawyer then said, "Well, is she a nagger or anything?" The RedNeck said, "No she's a white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce."

A Muslim was killed in a car accident. He arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter says "I'm St. Peter. Welcome to Heaven". The Muslim says "Nice to meet you Peter but I'm a Muslim and I want to meet Muhammad." St. Peter says "Sure, no problem. Climb up that ladder behind you and you will meet Muhammad." The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top and there stands Moses. Moses says "Hi I'm Moses. Welcome to Heaven". The Muslim is very excited - "Moses, it's such an honour to meet you. But like I told St. Peter, I'm a Muslim and I really want to meet Muhammad". Moses says "No problem. Climb up the ladder behind you and you will meet Muhammad." The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top, and he can't see anything but bright light. He sees this figure before him and asks "Who are you?" The figure responds - "I am God. Nice to meet you. Welcome to Heaven". God walks over and shakes his hand. The Muslim is stunned - he can hardly speak. He says to God "Sir, it is such an honour to meet you - I can't believe it - this place is great. But I'm a Muslim and, no disrespect intended, but I really want to meet Muhammad." God says "Oh. You're here to see Muhammad. I see. No problem. Have a seat. Get comfortable. Can I get you some coffee or something to eat?" The Muslim says "I would love a cup of coffee" God yells into the kitchen... "Hey Muhammad. two coffees!"

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

There was 2 gay lovers getting ready for work in the morning. One of them started jacking off with a condom on. The other one asked," What are you doing?" He replied, "Packing your lunch."

A doctor says to his patient in his hospital bed, "I have some bad news and some good news." The patient says,"Give me the bad news first." "Well," says the doctor. "Your illness is so severe that we need to amputate both of your arms." The patient gasps in horror. "It is also necessary to amputate both your legs to limit further problems." The doctor says, "And to save your life we have to remove your tongue." Patient in bewilderment says, "No arms, no legs, no tongue, shit that is bad news! What's the good news?" The doctor with a smile replies, "See that nurse with the big tits and the tight ass......I'm fucking her tonight!"

true dat

just because a particular animal is cute and cuddly doesn't exempt it from the food chain...everyones gotta eat

i have that ozzy mp3, ran across it a while ago when d/l some other chit, i always wondered who ozzy hooked up with for that one, it is a curiosity for sure

i once knew a girl who had the flaming lips...a prescription from the doctor cleared that up in a couple of days

after that visualization, i just may need counseling

from the title of your post, i knew i shouldnt have clicked on it

Joy To Your Partner

Mtguide, i hate to be the one to break the news to you, but it was illegal long before bush or ashcroft were around.

but federal law still supercedes state law, so that wont be the end of it just yet

times may change, but standards must remain

fag

right now, all econimic indicators are up, and by next year could end up higher than when bush took office, AND with a net gain in jobs. the whole iraq situation will be closer to being wrapped up too. these are the only 2 points the dems have to bash bush with. when that rug is pulled out from under them what will they do? they have no plan as it is, they just attack bush and finger point. they will be left giving each other reach arounds on election night. unless some major event happens, bush will make easy work of the democrats in '04

A group of first-year medical students is gathered around an operating table for their first anatomy lesson with a dead body. "As a doctor, you'll need to develop two key skills" the professor begins. "The first is stoicism. You can't be disgusted by anything involving the human body." The professor then rolls the body over, sticks his finger into the corpse's ass, withdraws it and sticks his finger in his mouth. "Now do the same" he instructs. The horrified students hesitate, but eventually take turns dipping a finger into the cadaver's anus and then sucking on it. When everyone has finished, the professor continues, "The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and then I sucked on my index finger. Pay attention."

this is just plain wrong...

the Mirror has always been anti-bush, this is nothing new for them...once again, consider the source

keep telling yourself that over and over, and someday you may start to believe yourself.

is anyone really that stupid to believe in that crap??

yet another advantage to living inside the Molson Curtain