NEED REALLY FUNNY JOKE...

[lizard_brain]

Q: Why did the skeleton burp?

 

A: He didn't have the guts to fart!

[glacier_dup1]

"My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Riley."

 

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."

 

"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

 

"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

 

"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight."

[forrest_m]

a old man and his wife are having problems with their sex life, it just isn’t what it used to be. so the man goes to a sex therapist for advice. the therapist tells him to hire a young man from the neighborhood to come to their house and wave a towel over them while they make love. the man is a bit puzzled, but he picks a strapping youngster and gives it a try, but it’s no use. no improvement. he goes back, and the therapist sighs, and says, well ok, have the young man make love to your wife while YOU wave a towel over them. this seems to work much better, and soon the young fellow brings the mrs. to a screaming orgasm. the old man is very satisfied with himself, and taps the young man on the shoulder and says smugly: “now, sonny, THAT’S how you wave a towel!”

[Alpine_Tom]

There's always the venerable bartender jokes. To wit:

 

A priest, a rabbi, and a horse walk into a bar. Bartender looks up and says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

 

That's kind of short though. This is better anyhow:

Three women are sitting at the bar talking about their husbands. One says, “My husband is a professional football player, and he’s so strong and muscular, when we go to bed he just takes me by storm, and I just love it.”

The second one says, “My husband is a violinist, and he’s so sensitive and tender with me, and I just love it.”

The third one just stares into her drink for a while. Finally she says, “My husband is a Microsoft salesman. He just sits at the end of the bed and tells me how great it’s going to be when I finally get it.”

 

[ 09-13-2002, 04:23 PM: Message edited by: Alpine Tom ]

[James]

quote:

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Originally posted by Alpine Tom:

“My husband is a Microsoft salesman. He just sits at the end of the bed and tells me how great it’s going to be when I finally get it.”

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nice!

[Muir_on_Saturday]

Q: Why did Trask cross the road?

[Muir_on_Saturday]

A: His dick was stuck in a chicken.

[allthumbs]

For you homos looking for a good time, call Muir on Saturday-

He's easy, he's greasy, he works on the street.

And whenever you see him he's always in heat.

If you leave your fly open he's down on your meat.

[Off_White]

this is supposed to be the world's funniest joke:

 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

 

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

 

Here's the story: http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10/03/joke.funniest/index.html

[b-rock]

quote:

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Originally posted by Off White:

this is supposed to be the world's funniest joke

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The article also said that generally speaking, jokes with ducks are funnier than jokes without.

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Off White:

this is supposed to be the world's funniest joke:

 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

 

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

 

Here's the story:

http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10/03/joke.funniest/index.html

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