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The Blonde Mountain Climbers


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Eleven women climbers were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope

suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Rainier. Ten were

blonde, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one of the

party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and

everyone would perish.

 

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.

 

Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would

sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.

 

The blondes applauded.

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Top 11 worst things for your belay to shout to you while you struggle with the crux.

 

11. Falling!

 

10. You know, I've wanted to try climbing for years.

 

9. Hold on, I've got to go pee.

 

8. My god, you're going to die.

 

7. Dyno for the jug you can't see!

 

6. If you fall now you'll deck out.

 

5. Your fingers must be REALLY aching by now.

 

4. Hey SK, I can see right up your shorts from here.

 

3. Your last piece of pro just fell out.

 

2. Am I supposed to be doing something with this rope?

 

And, the number one thing you don't want to hear from your belayer ....

1. Hmmm, looks like you read the guidebook wrong, this one's an E7 not a VS.

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Nice list [laf]

 

That reminds DFA of one of his first trad leads (possibly his very first) on a fine 5.7 at the Greensprings crag in So. Oregon. It's an inside corner in a dihedral, and the belay is actually on a ledge about 20' off the deck (4th class or 5.0ish to the ledge). 'Twas a roasty hot summer day, making for greasy climbing. DFA struggled mightily up the intimidating line, pumping himself silly fidgeting in gear every few feet. About halfway up the route, the Doctor looked down to the ledge to see his belayer passed out from the heat with his head hanging over the side. Upon being hollered at (somthing along the lines of "Hey! What the fuck are you doing?!"), the delinquent belayer stirred and clambered confusedly to his feet, and managed to remain upright for the remainder of the pitch. So perhaps number 12 on the list of things you don't wanna hear from your belayer would be a thud.

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