Bronco Posted March 11, 2002 Posted March 11, 2002 Andy Rooney On Prisons: Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisonersinto my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And ifthey don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator. Andy Rooney On Ads In Bills: Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now?Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels.... I write, "Could you throw this awayfor me? Thank You." Andy Rooney On Fabric Softener: My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me (sniff), 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes. Andy Rooney On Morning Differences: Men and women are different in the morning. The men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, 'How can he want me the way I look in the morning?' It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve. Andy Rooney On Phone-In-Polls: You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% that say "I don't know." It costs 90 cents to call up and vote and they're voting "I don't know." "Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone." (Says into the phone) "I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up looking proud.) "Sometimes you have to stand up forwhat you believe you're not sure about." This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 per minute to say "I'm not in the mood". Andy Rooney On Cripes: My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.' Who would that be, Jesus Cripe's? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'? Andy Rooney On Grandma: My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Outentering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday. Quote
wrench Posted March 12, 2002 Posted March 12, 2002 quote: Originally posted by Bronco: Andy Rooney On Grandma: My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Outentering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday. that was just unnecessary! damn. makes me want to jump in the shower like in the crying game. Quote
rodeo Posted March 12, 2002 Posted March 12, 2002 Dang Bronco. Just when I thought that Trask was about the most twisted individual on this board. You're running a tight second right now buddy. (--Climb on,,, Quote
catbirdseat Posted March 24, 2003 Posted March 24, 2003 Andy Rooney is baaack... France's Upaid Debt (to the US) Â Note the last two sentences: Â "The French have not earned their right to oppose President Bush's plans to attack Iraq. Â On the other hand, I have" Quote
chelle Posted March 24, 2003 Posted March 24, 2003 Thanks Bronco. I needed a few laughs after studying chemistry for the past 6 hours. Quote
Dwayner Posted March 25, 2003 Posted March 25, 2003 Â Hey it's me, Mickey Rooney! I didn't say those things above, but I used to be in a lot of snappy movies with Judy Garland. The crowds loved us and I still sign autographs. Ever seen one of my films? Go and rent one tonight at Bockblusters. Hey! Howdya like that one? Did y'catch that? It's really supposed to be "Blockbusters" but I switched it around for some unexpected knee-slappin' comedy! Maestro! Play a few bars while I treat these folks to a little softshoe! Ta da! Keep 'em wantin' more, that's what I say!!! Â P.S. That's me on the right, yuckin' it up in one of my many film classics! Luvya, Mickey. Quote
catbirdseat Posted March 25, 2003 Posted March 25, 2003 Who's that on the left? His face is so screwed up it could be anybody. Is it Jerry Lewis? No, it's not. Who then? Quote
Dwayner Posted March 26, 2003 Posted March 26, 2003 The man with The Great Mickey is none other than Robert Strauss, a fine actor whose specialty is making odd faces when startled, baffled or otherwise surprised. Here he is with the lovely Elizabeth Montgomery: Â Â Quote
Bronco Posted March 26, 2003 Author Posted March 26, 2003 catbird, did you actually do a search on rooney? yur a sick man! Quote
catbirdseat Posted March 26, 2003 Posted March 26, 2003 Which Rooney? My son sent me an e-mail with the war piece by Andy Rooney and I went and found the source. It was Dwayner who came up with the Mickey stuff. I guess it was just free association. Quote
Bronco Posted March 26, 2003 Author Posted March 26, 2003 eh, I guess what I meant was - Â Did you perform a search on Cascadeclimbers.com for "rooney" so you wouldnt create a duplicate thread in spray? Â sorry for the cornfusion, carry on. Quote
Alpine_Tom Posted March 26, 2003 Posted March 26, 2003 catbirdseat said: Andy Rooney is baaack... France's Upaid Debt (to the US) Â Note the last two sentences: Â "The French have not earned their right to oppose President Bush's plans to attack Iraq. Â On the other hand, I have" Â Yes, America has always stood foursquare in defence of freedom and opposing tyrany. That's why, for a year and a half AFTER Germany invaded and conquered France, we kept diplomatic relations up with Hilter. Â Seems like I remember something from gradeschool about some guy named Lafayette? Ah, never mind. It probably wasn't important. Quote
catbirdseat Posted March 26, 2003 Posted March 26, 2003 Bronco said: eh, I guess what I meant was - Â Did you perform a search on Cascadeclimbers.com for "rooney" so you wouldnt create a duplicate thread in spray? Â sorry for the cornfusion, carry on. Mea Culpa, I am a sick bastard. Now Dru has done the same with the Wet T-Shirt Thread that was dead for three months. Quote
allthumbs Posted March 26, 2003 Posted March 26, 2003 catbirdseat said: Bronco said: eh, I guess what I meant was - Â Did you perform a search on Cascadeclimbers.com for "rooney" so you wouldnt create a duplicate thread in spray? Â sorry for the cornfusion, carry on. Mea Culpa, I am a sick bastard. Now Dru has done the same with the Wet T-Shirt Thread that was dead for three months. That thread was never dead. Simply drying out. Quote
Dru Posted March 26, 2003 Posted March 26, 2003 i kept seeing "anonymous" browsing the wet t shirt thread in the Who's Online and figured I'd give'm something new to look at! Quote
allthumbs Posted March 26, 2003 Posted March 26, 2003 Dru said: i kept seeing "anonymous" browsing the wet t shirt thread in the Who's Online and figured I'd give'm something new to look at! Dru, your choice of pictures has me worried about you. Something you'd like to share? Quote
Dru Posted March 26, 2003 Posted March 26, 2003 if you follow that link back to the "north west rhinos mtneering & climbing club" website you should find plenty of pics of British girls flashing their pierced tits to keep you happy. but i didnt figure the moderators would be happy if i posted em! Â crazy Brits. their pub clubs make cc.com ones look weak. lots of pictures of puking posted online. why did no one with a camera follow erik last week! Quote
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