Mariners Hot Stove

[prole]

It's a good thing this team doesn't really need to make any major moves (guh.) because the Zurd is looking less like a major league GM than a member of Obama's economic team.

[prole]

So, Jose Lopez is gone. Opposing catchers will miss the cool breezes generated by his bat. Also, we got somebody named Erik Bedard. Yay? Sources at the winter meetings are reporting that Zurd is wandering around the convention in a beanie with a propeller on it looking for MLB schwag. That and ogling Ken Williams big black butt. Question: Does the Seattle Mariners Baseball Club actually exist? Call fucking Leonard Nimoy, maybe he can relaunch "In Search Of..." to find out. Apparently, the M's are looking to deal Aaardsmegma. Thats a bummer, because I always look forward to leaving the park 100%-deaf from his theme music whether or not he gets the save or not. The big news is that they'll be adding a fourth speedboat for the hydro race. That and the possibility of seeing a healthy Milton Bradley tased by Safeco Security during a game should keep Mariners fans packing the ballpark for the rest of Zurd's tenure. The speedboat is teal, by the way.

[prole]

While wandering the winter meetings agog with a pinwheel and a bag of popcorn, Zurd managed to find what he was looking for. A first baseman? No, a company that's willing to produce a Milton Bradley bobble bubble-butt for 2011. The team should move to Las Vegas, keep the name "Mariners", and play in a ballpark shaped like a giant boat set in real water paid for by taxpayers. Safeco can then be used to house political prisoners and miscreants in the coming GOP administration. Poor Ichiro, I'd feel sorry for him having spent his whole Hall of Fame career here if I thought he gave two shits about it or anything else. He doesn't. He's still awesome though. The 1969 Seattle Pilots had a better record than last year's Mariners. Isn't that just fucking crazy? What does that even mean? Wouldn't it be cool if the Tacoma Rainiers played the Seattle Mariners in an exhibition game? No. It's a bummer about Niehaus though. He's in a better place now...literally. I am looking forward to Rick Rizz taking over more of the broadcasting duties though. He's the only one that can make a routine foul ball into the seats along the first base line sound like Bobby Thompson's shot-heard-round-the-world. WTF?

[olyclimber]

this shtick you got going isn't working. please go away.

[prole]

Oh, it's working baby.

[olyclimber]

is it supposed to be funny? i recognize what might be an attempt at humor, but i'm not sure.

[olyclimber]

http://www.greggzaun.com/

[prole]

Gregg Zaun is what's known as a "seasoned veteran". As in beef jerky seasoned with novocaine. I've heard they based the Eastbound and Down character on Zaun, the difference is that Zaun is still playing: Link. This guy has "Mariners starting catcher" written all over him.

Edited December 7, 2010 by prole

[olyclimber]

Zaunbie Nation!

 

You're OUT, I'm in.

[Crack]

+1 for some veteran catching...and how about Adam LaRoche at 1st base? Otherwise, I'd be OK with Branyan coming back.

 

Jack's earned a rep -I'm betting he'll make/bring at least one "big" namer between now and then.

[Doug]

Shit, bring back Moyer and between he and Zaun we're looking at a century. I'd be down with signing Kenny Powers, though he wasn't enthralled with Seattle 1st time around (2:00 and on) [video:youtube]8TDFJpRkARA

[ivan]

kenny powers = the ultimate american

[olyclimber]

best part is that he bottoms out as a Mariner.

 

that and the audio book.

[olyclimber]

ok the ecstasy dance was rippin

[ivan]

"you mean jew york?"

 

think you had to be a braves fan in the era of mark wohlers to really appreciate that fucking show...

[olyclimber]

supposedly it is partially based on John Rocker.

 

[video:youtube]TOcQhqrqdpI

 

if you haven't seen this show, don't watch this at work.

 

[olyclimber]

Anyway Zaun has the best website in MLB, complete with Rush and System of Down rocking in the background.

[Peter_Puget]

Welcome to Seattle Mr. Jack Cust

[olyclimber]

I could easily see Cust pushing this teams 10 wins past last year!

[prole]

What's his VOEB (Value Over Eric Byrnes)?

[Peter_Puget]

Welcome back home Miguel Olivo!

 

Dave on USS Mariner is an idiot.

[olyclimber]

You must not like the Lookout Landing either. Hard to find anyone cheering this deal on. But I just found one!

 

 

[Peter_Puget]

Jeeesh Dave actually thought the M would contend lasy year....it was obvious from the start they would never get the run support. I am not excited about this move but I think its overall impact will be minimal and I have never been a big Moore fan. I can say that Olivo has or had a strong arm throwing to 2nd!

 

Go Ms!!!!!

Edited December 9, 2010 by Peter_Puget

[prole]

I am not excited about this move but I think its overall impact will be minimal...Go Ms!!!!!

 

I rest my case.

[Peter_Puget]

Prole - If youre not winning it's still nice to see some good baseball on occasion. Olivo's arm was a pleasure to watch up in Everett.