TR: Minneapolis first hand

[tvashtarkatena]

I thought when I went to Minnesota to visit my relatives by marriage that I’d be taking a few days off from the indeterminate complexities of coastal life to commingle with simple flatlanders, free from irony and paradox. Gosh, was I ever wrong!

 

When I first landed, the first thing I noticed was that the entire airport janitorial staff was white. White people doing jobs meant for blacks and Mexicans? Man, oh man, I sure wasn’t in Kansas anymore!

 

Then I got to my siblings-in-laws. Even the squirrels were white!

 

 

Great White Snaffle

 

But then, it all started to unravel. What does the squirrel have in its mouth? A BLACK walnut! Yo, whassup, squirrel-friend?!

 

 

 

Even the cats are kinna different lookin’.

 

 

Most people in Minneapolis get around on these weird two wheeled machines that seem to get great gas mileage. Even weirder; no cars are allowed on these special roads.

 

 

Johnny Quest bikes Minneapolis

 

 

 

From what I could tell, quite of few of these special roads pass through downtown Mogadishu. An’ I’ll tell ‘ya, I didn’t even know that was anywhere near Minneapolis!

 

 

Uptown women

 

 

One place you can’t bike anymore is across the I35E bridge.

 

 

Collapsed Bridge

 

 

Governor Pawlenty, a Republican who got elected because he vowed never to raise taxes, is now leading the fight to pass an emergency tax bill to fix Minnesota’s bridges. It seems that the I35E bridge has been known to be structurally deficient for quite some time, but gosh and golly, are those things ever expensive! Come on state legislature, get with the governor's program! Have some VISION, will ya, for cryin’ out loud?

 

Don’t even think about taking the train to get out of town. The Mississippi barge operators are none too happy, either.

 

 

Crushed train

 

 

So my brother in law asks this FOX reporter, on camera no less, if this could be the result of so many tax cuts that we’re no longer taking care of our infrastructure, and you know what the guy says? He says YEAH, we’ve forgotten to take care of our infrastructure! Oh boy, THAT was some surprise!

 

Lemme tell ya, that bridge was too much, especially when President Bush showed up with a five million dollar security detail to spend a few minutes talkin’ ta ona the survivors. Talk about excitement!

 

We needed a break from all the action, so we headed downtown to the Loring Park art fair.

 

This was more like it. Hey, don’t throw away that old toaster!

 

 

Toaster Trailer: $95

 

 

Here’s some irony for ya:

 

 

Bug sprayer dragonfly: $75

 

 

Then we took a drive outta town to my sister-law’s place for supper. When we got inta town, we started to notice all these white bears….

 

 

First sighting

 

 

Pretty soon they were everywhere!

 

 

Stoned bears

 

 

 

Gay bears

 

 

 

White trash plywood bears

 

 

 

Tweaker bears

 

 

 

Woah! This bear thing was really gettin’ official!

 

 

 

Don’t think for a minute that there weren’t any individualists in town, however

 

Then I found out the town's name is White Bear Lake. Well, why didncha tell me in the first place? I wonder what'd happen if towns in other places, like Cock n Balls, PA, for example, decided ta display their town's theme so proudly?

 

So I came away from Minnesota thinkin’, by golly, the place is just as complicated as out here, only a whole lot flatter! An’ there bratwursts sure taste better. 'specially those organic, grass fed one's with the wild rice in em. How they feed grass to a sausage is anybody's guess. Inneresting experience, that’s for sure!

 

 

 

Edited August 6, 2007 by tvashtarkatena

[ericb]

Yep....It's Bush's fault....a shocking allegation coming from TTK

 

I would expect much better leadership in a state that was progressive enough to elect "Jessie the Body" as their chief exec...

[carolyn]

Well hey, thanks for visiting!

[XXX]

Yep....It's Bush's fault....a shocking allegation coming from TTK

 

I would expect much better leadership in a state that was progressive enough to elect "Jessie the Body" as their chief exec...

 

I went to grad school in minnesotaaaaaaaaa. is it progressive? HAHA. They need to get rid of those crack stacks near downtown.

 

And that soul sucking thing called mall of america needs to be torn down and replaced by real retail downtown.

 

Otherwise it has some cool clubs downtown, and some cute chicks =)

Edited August 6, 2007 by XXX

[Cobra_Commander]

some cute chicks =)

 

are you referring to prince?

 

The mall of america is a disgrace. What's unbelievable is how much money they make off packaged fly-in vacation tours to the mall.

[XXX]

some cute chicks =)

 

are you referring to prince?

 

The mall of america is a disgrace. What's unbelievable is how much money they make off packaged fly-in vacation tours to the mall.

 

haha no, I meant the cute blondes except for the short haird ones. .....Oh I forgot to mention everyone in Minnesotaaaa has a cabin up north. Every single lake within a 100 mile radius of minneapolis is ringed with cabins.

 

And yes the mall of america is a disgrace.

[Cobra_Commander]

Funny how I live in the land of great beer but would love to have a cold pig's eye every once in awhile.

[spicoli11]

From what I can gather....one could make a lucrative career out of making concrete cast animals there.

[Cobra_Commander]

if garrison keillor can make money there anyone can.

[olyclimber]

Lawn art is one of the number one reasons to visit the whole midwest. For example, rural Indiana features an incredible display of fine art. If you have the time, I highly suggest a tour.

[tvashtarkatena]

Yep....It's Bush's fault....a shocking allegation coming from TTK

 

I would expect much better leadership in a state that was progressive enough to elect "Jessie the Body" as their chief exec...

 

Speakin' of an irony-free zone, we sure gotta few pockets a that right around here, ya know?

 

Funny thing about that Jessie Ventura...he's the main reason why Minneapolis now has a light rail system to help with its new traffic troubles. We took it from the airport inta town; one car was decorated like a corn cob and the other like a stick a butter.

 

The irony, I tell ya!

Edited August 6, 2007 by tvashtarkatena

[carolyn]

Funny thing about that Jessie Ventura...he's the main reason why Minneapolis now has a light rail system to help with its new traffic troubles.

 

Light rail goes from dt to the airport and the mall of america.

Its most convenient for visitors. Pretty much worthless for the average resident. The few miles it runs within the city I could already walk, bike, or bus.

Edited August 6, 2007 by carolyn

[tvashtarkatena]

Funny thing about that Jessie Ventura...he's the main reason why Minneapolis now has a light rail system to help with its new traffic troubles.

 

Light rail goes from dt to the airport and the mall of america.

Its most convenient for visitors. Pretty much worthless for the average resident. The few miles it runs within the city I could already walk, bike, or bus.

 

It sure seemed useful ta all those Twins fans. Man, they packed the darn thing when we were on it! Glad that Safeco traffic ain't a problem here! Plus, howdja like all those Mall of America outtatowners flyin in n cloggin up yer roads. Jeez!

Edited August 6, 2007 by tvashtarkatena

[XXX]

 

Light rail goes from dt to the airport and the mall of america.

Its most convenient for visitors. Pretty much worthless for the average resident. The few miles it runs within the city I could already walk, bike, or bus.

 

However it is key in developing alternate transit for people who do not want to sit in cars all day. When I was at the U of M I used to live right off the light rail stop near the midwest mountaneering store. It enabled me to go to the mall if I needed to, or downtown. Hopefully it extends farther into the burbs to get people out of their cars.

[tvashtarkatena]

Guess they coulda run it across the I35E bridge instead of to the Mall! What were they thinkin? Or maybe right to Carolyn's house. That sure woulda been more useful for the locals!

Edited August 6, 2007 by tvashtarkatena

[olyclimber]

What is it with you liberals and your MASS TRANSIT and CAR POOLS and other Communist ideas? Those things NEVER take me exactly where I want to go exactly when I want to. HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE, and I don't want to rub shoulders with your chahuly stench when I could be in the quiet leather interior of my SUV listening to Kenny G.

 

When they build a train that stops in front of my house and drops me off at work, then picks me up at lunch, takes me to my restaurant of choice, and then takes me home....all at the time of my choosing, and sealed off from all the hippies, then we can talk.

[tvashtarkatena]

Boy, I snap a coupla pichers of lawn bears an all heck breaks loose!

Edited August 6, 2007 by tvashtarkatena

[carolyn]

Right - the Twins fans - outta towners.

 

Indeed it is a start to alternative transportation. And I do think that this accident with the bridge will open up a lot of eyes around the topic.

 

I live uptown area and have a few jobs downtown - First Ave and Midwest Mountaineering. I can bus or bike. cant drive now anyway cause my car wouldnt start this morning. Grrrr!!! My other jobs are outside the city (FAR away from the Mall of America) and far away from any public transportation, even though its only 20 miles out of the city.

 

I know some people who use the light rail, because they are lucky enough for it in their neighborhood. Its pretty limited, though.

 

Ahhhh, I dream of the days in Chicago where I could hop on a train and travel nearly anywhere in the state with ease and convenience.

 

heck, I will be long gone and out of here by the time they develop that plan.

 

Hope you had a good time out here tvash!

 

[carolyn]

Or maybe right to Carolyn's house. That sure woulda been more useful for the locals!

 

Hell ya! and maybe they could run it out to my place of employment as well. Then I could get to work today!

 

 

[tvashtarkatena]

So ya want more light rail, then. Think of how we feel out here, with no light rail and practically no useful bike trails! What about OUR feelings?

 

Still, 2009 isn't too far away. On time and on budget. The Seatac line's foundation is almost done....

Edited August 6, 2007 by tvashtarkatena

[carolyn]

btw...how did ya get such a good photo of the train?

Were you the guy that got arrested yesterday for crossing police tape to go down the enbankment?

Edited August 6, 2007 by carolyn

[No. 13 Baby]

How could you miss:

White Bear Lake (a city in Minnesota), and

White Bear Lake (a lake in White Bear Lake, MN)

[tvashtarkatena]

Hey, I know that sucker runs right past Midwest Mountaineering, cuz I took it there. First Ave, too (well, within a few blocks, anyway).

 

Too bad it doesn't go to the Black Forest, though.

[carolyn]

I know, but it doesnt run from MY HOUSE to those locales! Geeesh! Dont you know its all about me??!?!?!

Really, its fine. I only have a 5 min bikeride to either of those places.

 

Did you go into either the Ave or MWM?

 

[carolyn]

btw, after five, six, whatever years on this site I may finally hit 1000 posts. Maybe instead of sulking because I cant get to work, I will make that a goal for the day.

 

Or maybe I should hop on the light rail and check out the mall of america.