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My Dog is Trying to Kill Me


tvashtarkatena

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Woke up yesterday and headed downstairs to the kitchen. About 10 feet from the entrance I began to smell natural gas. By the time I reached the kitchen, my eyes were burning it was so thick. One of the burner controls was on medium high, unlit. I don't know how long it had been on, perhaps most of the night.

 

After ventilating the place I reasoned that the dog must have jumped up on the stove to get a whiff of frying pan or something, and turned the knob in the process.

 

One strike against pilotless stoves...and homicidal dogs.

 

It would have sucked to wake up 60 feet in the air and on fire.

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Woke up yesterday and headed downstairs to the kitchen. About 10 feet from the entrance I began to smell natural gas. By the time I reached the kitchen, my eyes were burning it was so thick. One of the burner controls was on medium high, unlit. I don't know how long it had been on, perhaps most of the night.

 

After ventilating the place I reasoned that the dog must have jumped up on the stove to get a whiff of frying pan or something, and turned the knob in the process.

 

One strike against pilotless stoves...and homicidal dogs.

 

It would have sucked to wake up 60 feet in the air and on fire.

 

Maybe God turned it on. lol

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Dude, you must have really pissed off Willie to have him try to kill you. When I've temporarily had masterly dog responsibility of him, all he does is try to kiss me to death.

 

He must have thought that, since I use the stove a lot, turning it on for me would please me. Kind of like when he chewed my headlamp, altimeter watch, Chacos, sunglasses....

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Got two. Want one?

 

One takes my socks from the laundry and deposits them in the street. I've had to resort to buying all one color/brand sock to reduce the mismatch pair count.

 

Check out the last line for release method.

 

Dog eats owner's $5,000 wedding ring

 

RAISINVILLE TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) -- Tina Burlett thought someone had broken into her house and stolen her custom-made, $5,000 wedding ring, so she called the police, who filed a report. But Burlett's grandmother already had a suspect in mind: the family pooch.

 

X-rays proved the grandmother right. The valuable bauble was inside the belly of Burlett's pit bull, Missy, who has a taste for diamonds.

 

"I couldn't believe it," Burlett told The Monroe Evening News for a story Thursday. "I didn't think so at the time, but it's funny now."

 

It made sense since Missy has been caught gnawing on VCRs, electric blankets and even Burlett's diamond earring.

 

Dr. Linda Fung of the Country Creek Animal Hospital said she wasn't surprised to learn that Missy swallowed jewelry.

 

"I did have a dog eat a watch once," Fung said. "Animals swallow a lot of stuff. It's not an unusual thing. We just made her throw it up."

 

Fung gave Missy some peroxide and out came the ring intact.

 

 

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Got two. Want one?

 

One takes my socks from the laundry and deposits them in the street. I've had to resort to buying all one color/brand sock to reduce the mismatch pair count.

 

Check out the last line for release method.

 

Dog eats owner's $5,000 wedding ring

 

RAISINVILLE TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) -- Tina Burlett thought someone had broken into her house and stolen her custom-made, $5,000 wedding ring, so she called the police, who filed a report. But Burlett's grandmother already had a suspect in mind: the family pooch.

 

X-rays proved the grandmother right. The valuable bauble was inside the belly of Burlett's pit bull, Missy, who has a taste for diamonds.

 

"I couldn't believe it," Burlett told The Monroe Evening News for a story Thursday. "I didn't think so at the time, but it's funny now."

 

It made sense since Missy has been caught gnawing on VCRs, electric blankets and even Burlett's diamond earring.

 

Dr. Linda Fung of the Country Creek Animal Hospital said she wasn't surprised to learn that Missy swallowed jewelry.

 

"I did have a dog eat a watch once," Fung said. "Animals swallow a lot of stuff. It's not an unusual thing. We just made her throw it up."

 

Fung gave Missy some peroxide and out came the ring intact.

 

Reminds me of the Cheech and Chong bit.

 

Pedro: Man, what is in this shit, man?

Man Stoner: Mostly Maui Waui man, but it's got some Labrador in it.

Pedro: What's Labrador?

Man Stoner: It's dog shit.

Pedro: What?

Man Stoner: Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man.

Pedro: Yeah?

Man Stoner: I had it on the table and the little motherfucker ate it, man. Then I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days, man, before I got it back. Really blew the dog's mind, ya know?

Pedro: You mean we're smokin' dog shit, man?

Man Stoner: Gets ya high, don't it?

[song, "Rockin' Robin" plays... ]

Man Stoner: I think it's even better than before, you know?

Pedro: Uhhh, I wonder what Great Dane tastes like, man.

 

 

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