z Posted June 2, 2001 Share Posted June 2, 2001 This site reminds me of you Poop...I mean Pope sorry... http://doodie.com/index.php?date=05312001&dir=b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted June 2, 2001 Share Posted June 2, 2001 You know, there's this route just around the corner (west) of the Tooth's South Face that I climbed once. It's got a piton in a little dihedral...felt like about 5.9 or so. Anyway, I was on a training hike in the area and decided I'd check out this climb, see what it was all about. I got up to this ledge somewhere below the piton and I was touching cloth...no, I had to crap so bad I was pushing cloth! I figured not many people climb the route and I had to get rid of this monster, so I sat it down nice and neat on this ledge, then wiped with an old hanky. I tied the soiled hanky around a stone and, after checking for climbers below, threw it off, then soloed the route. On the way out, I ran into some guys I knew from Tacoma who were on there way to do the S. Face. I didn't mention what route I'd done because I didn't want them to go over there. Sure enough, the guy called me that evening to say that he'd found this hanky tied around a rock down near the woods at the base of this dihedral climb. Then, he said that when he climbed that pitch, he looked down to see his rope snaking it's way through the biggest brown-bear of a turd he'd ever seen. The End. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeadam Posted June 2, 2001 Share Posted June 2, 2001 A riddle!! This used to be on my website. Can anyone explain why this man is only wearing one sock? If you already know the answer then you can't reply. Ahem! Jim... BONUS! Can anyone identify this man (Besides the FBI that is?) [This message has been edited by mikeadam (edited 06-01-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwayner Posted June 2, 2001 Share Posted June 2, 2001 Hey Mike: Given the theme of this particular thread, I would surmise that the pictured gentleman in question crapped in the missing sock. And Mr. Pope, according to the various things I've read by you and by Donna, you've crapped in your own sleeping bag, wore (or perhaps are still wearing) some sort of Gore-Tex jump-suit which some Rainier-gaper crapped in, crapped all over The Tooth, and leave racing-stripes in your underwear. Man oh man! Dude! Get a hold of yourself! That's sort of like what cats and dogs do when they're not feeling well. By the way, Mike, that individual in the picture wouldn't happen to be Donna Top-Step on a bad (and short!) hair day, would it? Pope: perhaps you could answer that question. your ppppppppppppppppppppppal, - Dwayner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeadam Posted June 2, 2001 Share Posted June 2, 2001 You can exchange the words for: "Walmart Desecrates the Happy Face or Too Happy" FOR Pope desecrates the Tooth South Face or Too Crappy" on this one! http://doodie.com/index.php?date=05302001&dir=b Dwayner YO! That is in fact the correct answer! Alas that is not Donna to the best of my knowledge...hmmmmm...maybe it is Donna though...who knows... [This message has been edited by mikeadam (edited 06-01-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted June 2, 2001 Share Posted June 2, 2001 Dateline: Joshua Tree National Monument. A young pope gets his first taste of whiskey after drinking beers with a crowd of celebrities: A high school soccer coach who dated a porn star from L.A.(used to be a local girl!), an art director from Hollyweird, Dick Cilley, and a super-jock-college-football-womanizer type. Anyway, beer than liquor, never sicker. Pope goes to bed, but before he can pass out the stars start spinning, and pope knows he's gotta purge the poison. Out in the desert, leaning on a Joshua tree, pants down, pope's so sick he can't even pee. He falls over, passes out, but remembers football guy yelling from camp, "You OK?" Next morn', pope is roused from his slumber by the high desert sun beating on his bare ass. Back in camp, football guy says he was worried 'cause the pope was out in the night and a pack of coyotes was not far...but not that worried. Next day, pope develops the symptoms of an STD and spends the rest of the trip in agony. Back in Seattle, he grabs his girly friend by the scruff of the neck and drags her down to the clinic where she is examined and described as "clean as a whistle". Pope endures the pipe cleaner test and is told he is suffering from something which couldn't be identified. Rumors about coyotes and experimentation ensue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted June 4, 2001 Share Posted June 4, 2001 you got std's from being raped by a gay coyote?? or was it dick cilley?? that's an objective hazard all the helmets in the world ain't gonna fix... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted June 4, 2001 Share Posted June 4, 2001 Not to mention, my helmet needed fixing. Heh heh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronco Posted June 4, 2001 Share Posted June 4, 2001 That is none other than ole' Captain Cave Man. BTW if you cut/tear your sock into pieces, you get a few more wipes, several of my old huntin buddies have pairs of socks without the top 6". That way you still have socks to wear and satisfy the other project. Bronco Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gapertimmy Posted June 4, 2001 Share Posted June 4, 2001 Speaking of turds, I've been meaning to bring up an important topic that concerns all cascadeclimbers: Fecal Accumulation on Trade Routes Mr. Pope's story reminds myself and I'm sure many others of the countless brown ones we encounter while in the backcountry. Poop happens, and it is evident by the piles of mr hankey's that pop up in the least expected corner of the backcountry. I swear that I would be able to easily navigate my way up routes such as the DC, emmons, and Adams S spur, soley using my nose and its built in turd sensory equipment. I have spent many nights in my sack, considering ways to encourage people to pack out their turds, or somehow remove these greasers from our alpine playgrounds.... I thought that "poop tubes" used by some people in yosemite (PVC pipe) may be the answer, but in our ounce shaving hobby, this is not an option... and then one night it hit me! The Means to Removing the shit from our Ends chubnook, man's best feces removing friend I was eating dinner at my folks house in suburbia, and i gazed into the backyard to see my girlfriends dog foraging around. He looked up at me, and to my dismay, he had a fresh brown one hanging out of his mouth. It wasn't his, rather it was a landmine left by my parents dog sophie. I was delighted with amusment, and my mom was really bummed out. At first, I thought it might have just been a phase... but then came the evening when chinook came in from the back yard, and Becky said "Chinook has yellow stuff all over his coat" too our dismay, he had been shit wrastlin with himself in the backyard, that sucked. Then I thought it was a curse when I was crashing at a snow park in southern WA, and chinook found some truckers churned chilli behind a tree and had a feast... the feces chub fest continued... in the olympics... on south sister... his appetite could NOT BE QUENCHED. Thus I have in a cage at home, the answer to all backcountry terd related problems, that answer is Chinook. I am going to make chinook available to rent on climbing trips. Not only will he remove all your fecal matter, but he also can carry a 35lb pack (eg case of keystone light). Act now, weekend reservations are filling up quickly! the master of the turd chubber- timmy [This message has been edited by tim (edited 06-04-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nolanr Posted June 5, 2001 Share Posted June 5, 2001 Damn, that's brilliant Tim. I was going to suggest "holding it," but we all know that can lead to impaction, which requires the "fecal finger of death" to remove. Well, you'd know about it if you've taken a Wilderness First Aid course. Causes one to shudder just thinking about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted June 5, 2001 Share Posted June 5, 2001 I think they make special pliers for the EMT's so they don't have to use the finger of death. But you can probably only use them if "the head of the turtle is out of the shell" to quote Eric Hutton. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doug Posted June 5, 2001 Share Posted June 5, 2001 actually they are not pliers, they are forceps and they do work (with the right muscle relaxent. but what i really wanted to say is, say is that a mountaineers sticker in the window of the truck? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblakley Posted June 5, 2001 Share Posted June 5, 2001 Oh my god Doug your right. Burn the infidel!! <lots of chuckling> This should stir up a few turtle heads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted June 5, 2001 Share Posted June 5, 2001 Mentioning turtle-heads, I know why Dwayner's helmet is purple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted June 5, 2001 Share Posted June 5, 2001 Famous British climbing story: Johnny Dawes: "Oh gosh this new E8 is rather difficult and dangerous. I do believe I should wear a helmet. Who has a helmet?" Nearby Scottish Climber: "I've got a purple helmet, mate." Johnny (ingenuously): "Oh super! Can I borrow it?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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