A Saudi's Thoughts on French Riots

[JayB]

The Religious Policeman Blog

[Stonehead]

The caption in this photo gets me.

 

 

But seriously, you'd have to chalk up this mayhem under the anarchy category rather than coordinated Islamic insurrection or related rubric.

[AlpineK]

I hear the unemployment rate for Muslims living in France is around 60%. They aren't helping themselves by rioting, and it isn't right, but it's not suprising that they riot.

 

France needs to put them down and then try and do something about their unemployment problem.

[Dave_Schuldt]

Great blog, bookmarked and link emailed to friends.

[JayB]

Yeah - I didn't read much beyond the first page, but there's some hillarious stuff in there.

 

"A Hadith is a reported saying of Mohammad, and they vary in their status, depending on who did the reporting, and who was a witness. For example, Bush's reported comments...God would tell me, George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan. And I did...is like a Hadith. The fact that it is reported by a negotiator for the notoriously corrupt and inept Palestinian Authority, with no witnesses, makes it a very dodgy Hadith indeed. But that's what a Hadith is. And I never did find the "72 beautiful virgins" Hadith.

 

I have, however, wondered long and hard about those virgins. Let me share some of my theological speculation with you.

 

Firstly, are there 72 virgins for each male, or 72 virgins, period? You see, if it's the latter, it sounds like a lot, but then there an awful lot of men in Paradise, and the number is rising all the time. And if there are only 72 to go round everyone, then we're going to need some sort of queueing system, which we're not very good at. But let's say we're better at queueing in Paradise, and we all take a numbered ticket, and wait in line. Our ticket says 18 billion and something, and the display says 3 billion and change, but not to worry, we've got eternity to play with. Eventually, we're near the head of the line. The thing is, though, some of us are going to be more attractive to the virgins than others. For example, Salah Ad Din here on the left, perhaps known to you as Saladin, was a mighty Middle Eastern warrior at the time of the Crusades, and by all accounts was also sophisticated, civilized, learned and very charming. So when he appears at the head of the line, I'm sure our young virgin will experience a shiver of anticipation. But if it's our young Jihadi on the right, it could be a different story. You see, he's probably been blown up by a bomb, which tends to make a bit of a mess. Sure, they'll do some basic surgery to sew the various bits together, but materials are limited up there, and there are limits to what you can do with a silken thread and the beak of a Humming Bird. When his number finally gets called, he's going to be standing there, trying to look his best. For most men, they'll check their tie, and perhaps quietly make sure that their fly is zipped up. On the other hand, our unfortunate Jihadi is going to be trying to hold his intestines in with the burnt-off stump of what was his hand. So that's the night that our virgin suddenly remembers that she needs to wash her hair. Luck of the draw, my friend, take another ticket, go to the back of the queue.

 

Alternatively, there could be 72 virgins for every male. Sounds better? Think about it. There are 72 of them and just one of you. They all have their needs and desires, both emotional and physical. So how are you going to satisfy them? Well, "one at at a time" is part of the answer. And you'll need a rota system. Plus you'll need a bit of rest and recreation yourself. Let's say you spend a night with each? It's going to take about 80 days before the virgin at the back of the queue gets to the front. So let's guess what sort of mood she is going to be in, after nearly three months of waiting for some attention. Ever kept your "significant other" waiting just 20 minutes? At a rough guess, she'll be somewhere on the scale between homicidal and genocidal. Not a good start to a relationship. Next night, it's the same, she's been waiting 80 days as well. And so on. And don't even think about limiting your favors to a select few. Maybe "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", but don't imagine it'll be any better in Heaven either if you miss some of them out. You could of course declare that all relationships will be purely platonic, all that you want is company and conversation. Now all you need to do is find the one who's equally interested in taking motor bikes to bits. Or the one who'll enjoy watching Sumo Wrestling with you. Or the one who's any good at Darts.

 

To be honest, I've never really believed in the virgins. I think it's just a myth invented by unscrupulous Imams, in order to persuade gullible young men to kill innocent people and themselves. Not that our Jihadis won't meet someone. But do you expect that a Good and Just God is going to reward a terrorist bomber with some sort of sexual Disneyworld? Instead, I rather think that one second after he says "One second to the beautiful maidens", he'll discover that the number is correct, but the description was a tiny bit misleading. The shaven heads and gaolhouse tattoos could be a bit of a give-away. 72 ex-convicts, just released after doing hard time for a variety of sex and violence offenses, and he's all theirs. They aren't gay, so there won't be any affectionate banter or camp and witty humor, but as our Jihadi is their only available option, they are going to make do with what they've got. In fact, they are so excited, they've rather neglected their personal hygiene for the last three months. Better get a rota drawn up as soon as you can. Just don't necessarily assume that it'll be "one at a time"."

[Dechristo]

"72 virgins" does not specify species or gender.

[cj001f]

[Stonehead]

I love humor. Sometimes it's the only response, though anemic at times, to a situation out of your hands. And, religion is often a target. Point out the absurdities inherent in all religions. Maybe that approximates the truth better than all the literal readings you can muster.

 

This blogster is using humor to critique Islam, not necessarily Islamists. Is there a difference? Yes.

 

Ok, I'm not taking sides but this website smacks of all those generalizations such as "Zionism is inherent in Judaism" or, let's see, what's similar in Fundamentalist Christianity--"Kill'em all, let God sort them out!"

 

The goal of these generalizations is to 'poison the well' so to speak. Yes, there are sects within major religions and often it is these sects that grab the headlines.

 

But yeah, I love humor.