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layton

best of cc.com Cuthroat E.Coulior Drunken TR

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Well I'm totally wasted on tequilla from Casa Que Pasa from a despair/celebration of a succesful ascent of that E.Face Coulior on Cuthroat. I think it's called the Cauthorn Wilson or something. Since I'm totally fucking drunk, I'll give this TR from the perspective of my feces which I horded througout the day...

 

...I forced my master to awaken at 2am and hypnotically sugested that he quaff his regurgitated coffe vile that he brewed to coax me out of my early alpine start slumber.

 

Cuthroat E.Face Coulior WI4 X, Alpine Slush 6, 4th. Car to car 10 hours (less if neve). This could be it for the season, cuz it was thin thin thin, and it got wicked hot.

Each cruch of hard snow from the hard snow sent parastalisis waves of anger through me. I knew my time was near...

 

...Unforetunately as dawn broke below the route, my arch nemisis "Pinchy" kept me at bay as my master haphazardly climbed well above Necronomican, his so called "partner". Sending showeres of ice and snow onto his cursing belay bitch Pinchy held me from my destiny...

 

...Alas! My master hast forsaken me!! WI? XXX and thoughts of imentent death were all my master could think of as he manged to live through the crux pitch. Where was I during this insane fight with potential energy? Lurking in the bowels, biding my time...

 

...Master's so called "partner" Necronomican led a easy WI-4 pitch and belayed me and my carried from a shrub and sunken tool. I was begining to force my way into the concsciousness, but master's next lead all but destoyed my will...

 

...Master was looking at a 400' whipper as the sun's pulsing rays oscillated down upon the ever-softening snow pack. My master prayed to his god as he pinched Pinchy tighter and tighter as his death fall potential increased with ever hyper-Pan Dome step, slipping, gaining ground...60, 70, 80 degree slush and powder snow barely held his feet, nary his useless tools. Every inch was a mile, every step was a step toward the grave...

 

...At last, a cam, a pin! Such relaxation caused my power to become almost overwhelming as my noxios gas escaped from his churning bowels... The oppresive heat almost overcame, as master looked toward Colonial, and the sure death that would have taken us if we had huberusly decided to do that mountain today...

 

"Fools!" my master thought as he saw climbers approaching the entrance gully. This late in the day would be foolish, even to a turd worming his way to freedom. He hoped they would turn around or perish.

 

On the summit my master wondered about the 5.7 pitch, and where that was supposed to be since we were already on the summit. My will way strong. I will have my victory.

 

Many horrid, stupid rappels led master to a 1,000' long down climb which he though he downclimbed just fine. His partner however, took about 45 minutes longer while cursing masters good name!!!!

 

Master squatted and looked upon his downclimbing partner. The sun was blazing. The time was at HAND!!!

 

I leaped from the little brown star from which my tribal leaders has told of in my rite of passages through the G.I. tract. I steams and coiled upon the snow, all the while Necronomicon downclimbed...

 

I was buried this day upon the flanks of Cuthroat peak. I write through the drunkeness of the ages, and of the battles of man vs. mountain and my kin vs. Pinchy, gatekeeper of the underworld.

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O yeah one more thing. It took 10 hours car to car, less if you've got neve. It may have been the last day to do it, since it was thin thin thin and it got hot and it's getting hotter. I'd rate it WI4 X, Alpine Slush 6, 5.0.

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Nice TR Michael.

 

A bit on the crude side but very entertaining.

 

Nice to know I'm not the only one to pack a "load" to the summit. [laf]

 

Smoker

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"Toooooo Sofffftt!!!!"

 

That's what we heard as they crested onto the col.

 

Still, we ventured up the couloir to the base of the slush, er, ice.

 

Damn. A couple hours too late. Fearing for our lives in the cornice-threatened death-gully, and getting pummeled frequently by falling ice, we agreed that they were right and retreated.

 

Damn.

 

Nice go guys, I wish we'd been just a bit earlier.

 

Which way did you descend?

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I am God. Please grovel prostrate at my boot-clad feet. Additionally, since I am perhaps one of only two people to climb the route this year, please plead extra fealty, as the benevolence of such a supreme and humble diety can quickly turn to anger and wrath directed towards such pitiful animals.

 

Mike got all the hard pitches, lucky guy. My favorite was the "Hyper-Pan Dome" slush/mung grovel pitch, PD1 3BBH (broken broom handles)on the Pan Dome/Abner Louima rating system that Mike, God of Reckless Self-Abandon, and I employ. It had a Squishy-like consistancy that wouldn't have made Apu very happy.

 

Watch Mike grovel, look at the "anchor" (a tiny sappling equalized to an ice tool pounded into quickly melting neve), watch Mike grovel some more, simul-climb when the rope runs out, watch Mike continue to grovel. A ski buried as a deadman would have been the only viable form of protection, if that. Finally, the triumphant shout of "I've got gear!", a funky cam stuck sideways in bad granite. What fun!

 

The summit views were deemed worthy, so I was not forced to smote the mountain beneath my feet, although it would have saved the hassle of the descent rappels. The final 900' foot downclimb of rotting, sun-blasted snow was a cheerfully hideous blow to the crotch. The sun beating down on my head and up my nostrils sounded like the opening throbbing of "Welcome to the Machine."

Finally, the car, a beer, and home to the Ham for an afternoon nap.

 

When we saw the folks starting up at 8am(!!!!!) I had to laugh. Hint: When the weather squids are calling for the freezing level to be at 7000' and high temps in the sixties, you can logically postulate that an East facing alpine ice climb will require an early start to be completed successfully. Just a thought, no hard feelings, I am simply a God who cannot tolerate such mortal behavior in my Alpine Hardmen brethren. (BTY, we descended a gully that drops off the summit to the west for four 200'+ rappels. We fixed a pin at the top of the last one.)

 

Oh yeah, I almost forgot all of you gapers out there. Cheers.

[big Drink][Moon][Mad][Embarrassed][Wazzup][hell no][geek][sleep]

 

-God

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Thanks, it was pretty hairy, especially on the upper slopes. I guess those "belays" were buried since I was vertical groveling w/at 400' fall potential.

 

We descended the west coulior from the summit. It's really obvious. We didn't head back south, opting instead to just follow the gully all the way down. It went well, downclimbable in better snow. The last 1000' of downclimbing was extemely tedious.

 

That was a beautiful ski you did from atop the cornices. WOW!

 

As for the party that bailed...good choice. How did the "ice" look when you got there. Much thinner that the pic in the guidebook, eh? Did you find the pin I dropped? I feel sorry for anyone that attemped Greybeard this weekend. I can only imagine the wallowing...

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There wasn't anyone on Greybeard this weekend... at least, not on Saturday. I think the FL today was supposed to be ~10000ft, so you'd have be seriously nuts to try it today.

 

The skiing was incredible though. Some spring "powder", and superb silky-smooth corn (even on south-facing slopes in the late afternoon).

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The cornice skiers were another party. We skied up one of the nearby peaks from the other side and could see them from the top.

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Nice climb guys.

 

cascadeclimber and I were the dudes that turned around. We were stupid by sleeping at home and getting a late start. I guess when I was sunbathing shirtless on the way up, it should have given me a clue.

 

We were postholing on the approach where we saw your crisp crampon tracks- (Grade 8 monos?)

 

I clung to the fixed anchor with my hands below the crux pitch for dear life as I was nearly scoured from the route. I din't have any way to clip in as cascade climber had the rack and rope and was still coming up the lower stuff. I thought I was toast.

 

Next year we'll start ealier.

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Hee hee. Yeah, it was battle stations in that gully. Here is a pic I took while Book of the Dead (circled in red) was yelling down to us:

 

Cutthroat_Peak_East_Face_Ice_route_1_05-

 

Was that ice pitch really a 'full rope length' like the book says? Sure didn't look that way from below. You guys survived that, I think that's worth two more of those stickers on your helmet Necro.

 

More here:

Cutthroat and SEWS

 

[ 05-12-2002, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: CascadeClimber ]

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Jens and Cascadeclimber (whoever you are), you're the two guys topping out on Synchronicity this Feb. I met you at the belay after I led the last pilar pitch. Small world in the retared "sport" that we do. Maybe we'll be cursin' each other on another route someday in our selfishness to be the only ones on a route?

 

The pitch isn't a full 60m. 40 meters maybe? I made it to that litte tail of rock coming down about 1/8 of an inch above the ice in your photo. I think in your photo I'm above the cornices trying not to puke. I just reread my original post. Man I must've been drunk to write that.

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Congrats. Glad you made it safely.

 

It was a great morning for spring skiing, if a bit warm for ice climbing. We saw you guys on the summit. I figured you might have climbed the east couloir, since you were on top by 9 am.

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Jens and CascadeClimber, I'm using 2 of your lovely photos in my slideshow. Hope that's cool.

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