Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Posted

From Craigslist:

I had no intention of killing you - m4w - 24

This is my first time posting one of these things. First of all, please let me start by saying that I'm a really normal guy. I've never been, like, a stalker or anything, and I'm a pacifist by nature. I've actually only gotten in one fight ever, and that was in the 9th grade with a guy named Dave over a girl. But that's not the point. The reason I'm writing is because, believe it or not, I had no intention of killing you last night. Oh, I have to do the description thing first, right? Let's get that out of the way.

 

You: Very attractive hipster girl. Shoulder length red hair that you were wearing up. You were also wearing a green sweater, and a skirt. Oh, and you had on pretty hot boots. I feel weird typing that, because I'm not a shoe person by any means, and I'm definitely not a foot person. Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a foot person. In fact, I wish I was into feet. I mean, how exciting would that be? I have feet. If I were into feet, all I would have to do is look down at my feet and pretend that they were somebody else's, and that would probably do it for me. But unfortunately, it does not. I've been trying to get into feet, but it's not working. If I'm on the subway or something, I'll stare at a girl's feet, but the whole time I feel like I'm watching a Clay Aiken video or something. I'm just thinking, "I don't get it. What's the appeal here? Who could possibly like this?" But in the end, I'm going to try to masturbate to it. Like the Clay Aiken video. Sorry, I'm getting sidetracked. You were wearing boots.

 

Me: White sweater, curly hair. I was wearing glasses, but I usually wear contacts. I was tired, and emotionally drained from the amazing 12 inning Yankees game that I was heading home from. And unfortunately, I was also sober. Had I not been sober, perhaps I would've tried to make drunken small talk. Actually, I wouldn't have. I've never talked to a girl on the subway before because I don't want to be creepy. Which leads me to the title of the post...

 

Okay, so we both got on the D train at Bleecker at around 12:30. You caught me catching a couple of quick glances your way, which I hope you interpreted as "flattering" rather than "terrifying." When the train stopped at Atlantic Ave in Brooklyn, we both got off. You kind of walked up next to me, so I began thinking about saying something. You know, like "Man, the R train never comes at night" or something amazingly clever and humorous like that. But I didn't. When the R pulled up and we both boarded, I made it a point to sit on the opposite side of the train, just to make sure you wouldn't think I was creepy. But then, coincidentally, we both got off the same stop AGAIN.

 

Walking towards the exit, I'm sure it didn't help matters that we were the only people in the subway station and I was a few feet behind you. When you turned around to see who was behind you, I'd like to think that you were checking me out, but I know in reality it was because you were scared for your life. I'm pretty sure you even grabbed something in your purse, probably mase. Since I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, I picked up my pace and walked past you. Of couse, when we got to the turnstiles my gentleman's instinct took over, and I allowed you to go first. That was probably scary. I thought about saying something like, "Don't worry, I'm a normal guy, I'm not going to kill you," but I decided that that is even creepier than not saying anything at all.

 

Leaving the station, I ran ahead of you up the stairs and immediately crossed the street, with nary a look back. So see, I had no intention of killing you. I'm a good guy. I've only killed once before, but he was a hobo so it doesn't count. C'mon, we all remember that little rhyme we learned as kids: "Killing a Hobo isn't a No-no." Remember?

 

But anyway, I hope I didn't accidentally make you uncomfortable last night, and I also hope that you didn't think that I was socially inept and scared of girls. Or gay. I was just scared of making you scared, because I'm a nice guy, that's all. So we should get a drink at The Gate sometime, and I promise that I won't kill you.

  • Replies 42
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted

I knew it! It's all because I wasn't breastfed. I'd better catch up.

 

Of course, I'm not so sure that empathy (vis-a-vis being aware of fear in others and taking steps to mitigate it) is typical behavior for a sociopath off their meds.

Posted (edited)
How's that for being pussy whipped by someone you don't know!

This may be a stretch for some members of this board, but that's not being pussywhipped. It's being a good citizen. Showing a combination of social awareness and compassion does not equate with weakness.

 

Flame away, boys.

Edited by Norman_Clyde
Posted

Prolly not.

 

Oxycontin=narcotic

Oxytocin=hormone related to breast feeding letdown, etc. and is believed to have a role in socialization and the interactions being discussed.

Posted
Whatever you do, don't say "Howeryourdoing."

It can be fun to reply to this with "shitty", 'cause it's not at all what they're expecting you to say. laugh.gif

Posted

Wow..I gotta say I never really thought this much about this topic since I was in 7th grade and had a crush on a dude that I passed between 3rd and 4th period!!

 

K. so maybe I'm the freak...I always make eye contact, always smile, and usually do the "hey" "whats up" "how ya do'in" kinda conversation....

Posted
The post makes me want to kill that guy then go inhale oxywhateva

 

you'll save a lot of money on legal bills if you inhale the oxystuff first.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.




×
×
  • Create New...