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Ahoy LandLubbers!


Captain_Black_Bart

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Fer all ye lookin' for a buxom beauty:

 

Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

Come on up and see me urchins.

Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you. wave.gif

I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole? the_finger.gif

How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

Well blow me down? HCL.gif

Prepare to be boarded.

They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.

You’re drinking a Salty Dog? How’d you like to try the real thing? hahaha.gif

Wanna shiver me timbers?

I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.

Brwaack! Polly want a cracker?

That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on. fruit.gif

Let's get together and haul some keel.

That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there. wazzup.gif

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HARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

 

 

 

Girl: Hi

Captain Black Bart: hello

Captain Black Bart: who is this?

Girl: just a someone?

Captain Black Bart: A someone I know?

Girl: nope

Captain Black Bart: Then why the hell are you bothering me?

Girl: well sorrrrrry

Girl: I just wanted to chat with you

Captain Black Bart: why?

Girl: nevermind your an asshole

Captain Black Bart: Hey wait a minute

Girl: yes?

Captain Black Bart: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid

Girl: paranoid?

Captain Black Bart: yes

Girl: of what?

Girl: me?

Captain Black Bart: No. I'm in hiding.

Girl: LOL

Captain Black Bart: Don't fucking laugh at me!

Captain Black Bart: This shit is serious!

Girl: What are you hiding from?

Captain Black Bart: The cops.

Girl: gimme a fucking break

Captain Black Bart: I'm serious.

Girl: I don't get it

Captain Black Bart: The cops are after me.

Girl: For what?

Captain Black Bart: I'm wanted in three states

Girl: For???

Captain Black Bart: It's kindof embarrasing.

Captain Black Bart: I had sex with a turkey.

Captain Black Bart: Hello?

Girl: You are fucking sick.

Captain Black Bart: Send me your picture.

Girl: why?

Captain Black Bart: so I know you aren't one of them.

Girl: One of what?

Captain Black Bart: The cops.

Girl: I'm not a cop i told you

Captain Black Bart: Then send me your picture.

Girl: hold on

Captain Black Bart: Hurry up.

Captain Black Bart: Are you there?

Captain Black Bart: fuck you, cop!

Girl: Hey sorry

Girl: I had to do something for my mom.

Captain Black Bart: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.

Captain Black Bart: When really you were notifying the authorities.

Captain Black Bart: Weren't you!?

Girl: thats not it

Captain Black Bart: Then what?

Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty

Captain Black Bart: Most cops aren't

Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!

Captain Black Bart: Then send me the picture.

Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?

Captain Black Bart: Just send it through here.

Girl: alright *PIC*

Girl: Did you get it?

Captain Black Bart: Hold on. I'm looking.

Girl: That was me back in may

Girl: I've lost weight since then.

Captain Black Bart: I hope so

Girl: what?!?

Girl: that hurt my feelings.

Captain Black Bart: Did it?

Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.

Captain Black Bart: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?

Girl: yes

Captain Black Bart: Alright let me find it.

Girl: kks

Captain Black Bart: Okay here it is. *PIC*

Girl: this isn't you.

Captain Black Bart: I'll be damned if it ain't!

Girl: You don't look like that.

Captain Black Bart: How the hell do you know?

Girl: cause your profile has another picture.

Captain Black Bart: The profile pic is a fake.

Captain Black Bart: I use it to hide from the cops.

Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol

Captain Black Bart: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....

Captain Black Bart: Not to mention all the groceries.

Girl: Go fuck yourself

Captain Black Bart: I was going to until I saw that picture

Captain Black Bart: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.

Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.

Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.

Girl: you hurt me.

Captain Black Bart: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?

Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!

Captain Black Bart: Why would I do that?

Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you

Captain Black Bart: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..

Girl: FUC YOU!!!

Captain Black Bart: You'd break both of his legs.

Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole.

Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight

Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me

Captain Black Bart: Ok. I'm sorry.

Girl: No you aren't

Captain Black Bart: You're right. I'm not.

Captain Black Bart: HAARRRRR!

Girl: I'm done with you

Captain Black Bart: Aww. I'm sorry.

Girl: I'm putting you on ignore

Captain Black Bart: Wait a sec

Captain Black Bart: We got off on the wrong foot.

Captain Black Bart: Wanna start over?

Girl: No

Captain Black Bart: I'll eat your pussy

Girl: You'll what?

Captain Black Bart: You heard me.

Captain Black Bart: I said I'd eat your pussy.

Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture

Captain Black Bart: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?

Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes

Captain Black Bart: Well I'm not like most men.

Captain Black Bart: I get excited in different ways.

Girl: Like what?

Captain Black Bart: Do you really wanna know?

Girl: I don't know

Captain Black Bart: You have to tell me yes or no.

Girl: I'm afraid to

Captain Black Bart: Why?

Girl: cause

Captain Black Bart: cause why?

Girl: well lets see

Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat

me out

Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?

Captain Black Bart: Nope

Girl: well its strange to me

Captain Black Bart: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to

Girl: I didn't say that

Captain Black Bart: So is that a yes?

Girl: I guess so.

Captain Black Bart: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.

Captain Black Bart: Are you willing?

Girl: What do you need me to do?

Captain Black Bart: I need you talk like a pirate.

Girl: ???

Captain Black Bart: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"

Captain Black Bart: ok?

Captain Black Bart: Hello?

Girl: You can't be serious

Captain Black Bart: Oh yes I am!

Captain Black Bart: It's my fantasy.

Girl: this is retarded

Captain Black Bart: Do you want it or not?

Girl: Yes I want it.

Captain Black Bart: Then you'll do it for me?

Girl: sure

Captain Black Bart: Ok. Here we go.

Captain Black Bart: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.

Captain Black Bart: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them

Captain Black Bart: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.

Captain Black Bart: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.

Girl: mmmm yeah

Captain Black Bart: uh oh ...going limp.

Girl: Har

Captain Black Bart: You gotta do better than that!

Captain Black Bart: Your picture was really bad.

Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR

Captain Black Bart: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.

Captain Black Bart: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.

Captain Black Bart: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.

Captain Black Bart: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.

Girl: mmmmmm you are good

Captain Black Bart: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder

Captain Black Bart: going limp

Girl: HARRRRRRR

Captain Black Bart: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.

Captain Black Bart: You begin to sway back and forth.

Captain Black Bart: going limp

Girl: this is stupid

Captain Black Bart: ...still limp

Captain Black Bart: Do it!

Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR

Captain Black Bart: I turn you around to lick your asshole.

Captain Black Bart: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.

Captain Black Bart: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.

Girl: WTF?!?!?

Captain Black Bart: They stink really bad.

Girl: OMG STOP!!!

Captain Black Bart: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass

Captain Black Bart: I tear off your wooden peg leg.

Captain Black Bart: I ram it up your ass.

Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!

Captain Black Bart: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.

Captain Black Bart: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...

Captain Black Bart: I kick you in the face!

Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!

Captain Black Bart: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...

Captain Black Bart: Your parrot flys away.

Captain Black Bart: ...going limp again.

Captain Black Bart: Hello?

Captain Black Bart: Say it!

Captain Black Bart: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

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