SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE

[scott_harpell]

eat me pie

[EWolfe]

More Tom Lehrer:

 

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.

Life is skittles and life is beer.

I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.

I do, don't you? 'Course you do.

But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,

And makes every Sunday a treat for me.

 

All the world seems in tune

On a spring afternoon,

When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

Every Sunday you'll see

My sweetheart and me,

As we poison the pigeons in the park.

 

When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,

But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.

The sun's shining bright,

Everything seems all right,

When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

 

We've gained notoriety,

And caused much anxiety

In the Audubon Society

With our games.

They call it impiety

And lack of propriety,

And quite a variety

Of unpleasant names.

But it's not against any religion

To want to dispose of a pigeon.

 

So if Sunday you're free,

Why don't you come with me,

And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.

And maybe we'll do

In a squirrel or two,

While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

 

We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment,

Except for the few we take home to experiment.

My pulse will be quickenin'

With each drop of strych'nine

We feed to a pigeon.

(It just takes a smidgin!)

To poison a pigeon in the park.

[Scott_J]

A New Gender of Pilots

 

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the

passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she

said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith

Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."

 

Joe sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right?

Is the captain a woman?" When the attendants came by with the drink

cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

 

"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."

 

"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't

know

what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."

 

"That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call

it

the cock pit, it's now called the box office."

 

 

 

[catbirdseat]

That's a sisu joke, alright. Uggghhhh.

[cracked]

[Dru]

offensive

[Dutch]

Wopper said:

Ahhh the old cadence tunes:

 

Going to the school where the hippies all learn

Call in some napalm and watch them all burn

Going to the park where the kiddies all play

Daisy chain some claymores and blow them all away

 

Harry Pi you should change your name to Shaved Pi.

I LOVE IT!!!!

[Dutch]

Red dog leader this is red dog one

request to make just one more run

my primary target lay over the ridge

its a V.C. Orphanage

 

F4 Phantom in a right bank turn

Drop my pay load and watch them all burn

CAUSE NAPALM STICKS TO KIDS

NAPALM STICKS TO LITTLE KIDS!!!

[allthumbs]

"burn them bellies with napalm jelly

diddy wop

 

strafe them gooks in the rice paddy daddy

diddy wop"

[minx]

UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH