Scott_J Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 Mechanical One Judi stopped at the gas station, got out of the car, opened the hood, and checked the engine oil. After a few seconds of what appeared to be intelligent thinking she took the dipstick in her hand and walked over to the attendant. "Excuse me," she said, "but can I buy a longer dipstick?" "Sure, ma'am, of course. Why do you need a longer one?" "Because this one isn't long enough to reach the oil." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scott_harpell Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EWolfe Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 Here's a good one, too: One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon... Demon: Why so glum chum? Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell. Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks. Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! Guy: Gee that sounds great. Demon: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking. Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember? Guy: Wow...that's...awesome! Demon: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling. Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow. Demon: You into drugs? Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean... Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!! Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!! Demon: You gay? Guy: Uh no. Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snoboy Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 sisu MisterE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_average Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 MisterE: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 I liked both jokes. Reminds me of a guy I knew in college. He bought a Mercury Capri with a 100,000 miles on the odometer. Paid $50 for it. The guy who sold it to him said he had never once changed the oil in the entire time he owned the car. So my friend decided he's going to change the oil. He pulls out the oil plug and guess what? Nothing comes out. There's oil in the pan all right, but there is so much sludge it can't come out. So next he has to drop the pan and use a putty knife to scrape the sludge out to uncover the drain hole. Let's just say the car smoked a little bit. But hey, what do you want for fifty bucks? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metalhead_Mojo Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 A group of first-year medical students is gathered around an operating table for their first anatomy lesson with a dead body. "As a doctor, you'll need to develop two key skills" the professor begins. "The first is stoicism. You can't be disgusted by anything involving the human body." The professor then rolls the body over, sticks his finger into the corpse's ass, withdraws it and sticks his finger in his mouth. "Now do the same" he instructs. The horrified students hesitate, but eventually take turns dipping a finger into the cadaver's anus and then sucking on it. When everyone has finished, the professor continues, "The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and then I sucked on my index finger. Pay attention." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EWolfe Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 Mikey's taking note, for sure... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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