Bulwer-Lytton Winners

[catbirdseat]

"They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white ... Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently," -- Mariann Simms

 

"Bill shifted uncomfortably on his stool looking at the topless blonde bombshell on the bar, but the first thing that struck him was the pulchritude of the exotic dancer's lips, which glowed like maraschino cherries, that is, pitted cherries macerated in an almond-flavored syrup then heated to boiling in an alum-containing brine full of carcinogenic red dyes," --Albert T. Keyack .

 

"It was almost a dark and stormy night — not dark or stormy enough to be called that but just the kind of sweaty night that makes your shirt stick to your back and make you wish you were still at home with the air conditioning and eating pig skins and watching the Martha Stewart (news - web sites) trial on TV." -- Sarah Harris

 

[Ratboy]

catbirdseat said:...watching the Martha Stewart (news - web sites) trial on TV."

 

Is that "(news - web sites)" part of the actual quote, or from a cut-and-paste from Yahoo News? If that's part of the actual quote, it's classic!

[Dru]

Sir Edward Bulwer Lytton was once Colonial Secretary of BC. The town of Lytton was named after him. His career as a gothic novelist did not start until he returned to Britain.

 

This trivial factoid brought to you by ALONE AT WORK ON FRIDAY, inc.

[bunglehead]

Man I love that contest. That is FUNNY!

[Attitude]

"We had but one night together, so we embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white ... Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently," -- Dru from the TR describing his secret bivy tips on cascadeclimbers.com.

I wonder if this will get published in Climbing?

[Dru]

[gregm]

Dru said:

Sir Edward Bulwer Lytton was once Colonial Secretary of BC. The town of Lytton was named after him. His career as a gothic novelist did not start until he returned to Britain.

 

This trivial factoid brought to you by ALONE AT WORK ON FRIDAY, inc.

 

if the town is named after him why isn't it called bulwer-lytton? HUH!? HUH!? HUH!? inquiring minds want to know.

[Dru]

I don't think he was hyphenated yet.

 

There was once a B-L contest winner that finished with the line "And the cows in that field would be happier if the Bulwer-Lytton"

[slothrop]

Attitude said:

"We had but one night together, so we embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white ... Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently," -- Dru from the TR describing his secret bivy tips on cascadeclimbers.com.

I wonder if this will get published in Climbing?

 

I hear Dru's publicist is pushing to get it into Gripped this time around to establish some "indie cred", but is writing flirtatious emails to the Alpinist crew with offhand references to such cc.com spray masterpieces as "Giant Squid" and the "Index is so suck" thread.