tvashtarkatena

I hate when you wake up after a bender to discover that a pit bull has gnawed off most of your foot.

Actually, human rights are self evident. It's government that earns the right to restrict them, not the other way around.

Not to ruin anyone's miracle, but Jesus was a Mickey's man:

I hate it when you're on a remote desert highway minding your own business and a shadowy figure in an aging tanker truck tries to run you down.

I like Vector, a canuck-only cereal. Pisses me off that you can't get it down here. It's just the Man tryin to keep us down.

People who feel the need to think outside the box or take it to the next level should be re-trained with a 2x4.

Nauh, you kin look at it dis way: Da prez'den uv da YOU-nitit Statez'z jis sumbudday that kin git use ta not bein' listen'd to. Take Gowage W, fo zample. Ain' nobudday listnin' to dat crazy mothafuckah any mo, butt he still injoyin' da job, ain' he? Way Ah see it, da bitches gottan 'vantage, cuz dey awlreaday use't ta not bein' listen'd to.

If women could communicate through their breasts, you know, like a beluga or dolphin sends sonar through the fatty tissue in it's forehead, we'd probably pick up a lot more of what they say. A few simple sounds would suffice to cover key ideas, such as the frequently required "You suck" or the much preferred "I suck".

Self-accelerated recovery. Sweetheart deal.

Clone him.

Timez up. Your IQ is "Low Batt", which qualifies you for handicapped parking and a free subscription to Special People magazine. And a date with Seahawks.

Didja have the date, yet?

Another hate-filled, atheistic 'pedofile'.

I've heard that all the baby killer comments aimed at soldiers returning from Vietnam were the result of rumor mongering on the part of some supporters of the war. It never really happened in earnest. Discuss. My dad did two tours as well, 68 and 70. Mom still has the Sat Cong plaque on display, just above the big green porcelain elephants.

G-spotter, quit snoring. I'm trying get some sleep over here.

Perhaps the 71 million pounds was placed one micron from the base of the cantilever. Ever think about that? Huh? Didn't think so.

Sorry, I didn't catch that.

You've dated yourself TTK. Tron is too a video game....circa omega race et al Oh, right. Next you're going to try to tell me that Tron was a movie. Video games. Ugh. I never played them.

I've got Baby Jebus swaddled in the back seat of the trick '68 Impala I jacked from an 80 year old lady just before running her over.

What denomination is the preacher??? I need to know if I can leave him with a sleeping child. Did I say there was a sleeping child? Stick to the facts, ADD Boy. Thirty seconds.

I am well aware that was Tron, youngster. But Tron isn't a video game, is it, so it wouldn't have fit the analogy, would it? Huh? Cat got yer tongue? Am I right? I am, aren't I? Huh? What was that? Don't you have a snafflecow to deliver?

Don't bust my ballz on spelling. Two minutes left.

You've got a boat, an astronaut, a preacher, a snafflecow, and a pitbull. All need to be ferried across the Grand Canyon. You can only take one at a time, but you can't leave the snafflecow with a Canadian, the preacher with an atheist, the pitbull with a sleeping child, or the astronaut with another astronaut. Furthermore the snafflecow always lies. You have only one diaper between you. Go. You have five minutes.

You've got a boat, an astronaut, a preacher, a snafflecow, and a pitbull. All need to be ferried across the Grand Canyon. You can only take one at a time, but you can't leave the snafflecow with a Canadian, the preacher with an atheist, the pitbull with a sleeping child, or the astronaut with another astronaut. Furthermore the snafflecow always lies. You have only one diaper between you. Go. You have five minutes.

Well, not quite all.