tvashtarkatena

At least your couch doesn't have a psychiatrist sitting on the end of it.

Petzl Aztarex; an 18 oz version of the Quark, with grip rest. Aztarex + Quark for harder stuff Aztarex + Venom for stuff requiring much more shaft plunges. I personally don't much about the Venom other than the straight lower shaft. Not enough knuckle clearance, not very secure placements in general compared to an Aztarex, which is bomb proof. Leaving the grip rest on your Quarks or Aztarex gives you perfect dagger placements and zero knuckle bash.

Well, I'm off to the Frozen North. Feel free to hang on to each other's dicks while sharing your heartfelt outrage until I get back.

Fly to Alaska. See ya, suckahs.

RD need not worry about such things. He has an army of JDF lawyers standing by to spring him from any gentile-initiated legal action.

Sorry, we're fresh out of backstage passes.

You are a very zimple creature.

Ivan's big enough to cut open and crawl inside should conditions require it, but I doubt that would extinguish his singing.

PM sent for pitons.

I am jist hopeeng zat zee new Homeland Security High School vil help us finally resolve our kleine Chewish qvestion.

This is the best (only) shot we got of those routes, taken from the summit of Little Tahoma? (I didn't shoot it). Our camp on the Ingraham is the speck in the lower center. The evening before the mountain was enshrouded.

It's really good practice for, um, climbing in shitty weather.

It's funny, for a guy who grew up in California/Mexico, I've always had an affinity for more northern places. I could easily live in Canada/England.

From rough memory: 5+ hours to camp. I think we started at around 6:30-7:00 am, but I didn't mark the time. Perhaps one of my partners knows. We were down in the parking lot by 2:30 pm.

I'm leaving for Alaska/Russia soon.

That's gonna leave a mark.

Trip: Little Tahoma - Date: 5/6/2008 Trip Report: Little Tahoma, May 5, 6 2008 What to do when you have one good day followed by bad forecasted, and two days planned? Ivan, Fred Barcola and I headed for Little Tahoma, hoping the forecast was overstated. Rock on wicha own bad self. Muir Snowfield. Serac, Ingraham Glacier That evening a lenticular began nesting on Rainier. It settled in, spread, and eventually swallowed our tiny camp on the Ingraham Glacier. Rainier, enshrouded. From camp. The following morning was clear and calm. The snow was hard. Conditions were perfect. We summited just past 9 am. Downclimbing from the summit Summit cheese. Mt. Adams in the distance. Descending Cowlitz Glacier The Muir was slushy corn, which made for a fast descent…for the two of us on skis, anyway. Gear Notes: The crevasses are opening up big time. Approach Notes: Pass through 2 8400' cols from the Muir Snowfield to get across the Cowlitz and Ingraham Glaciers. There is a flat area on the Ingraham. Climb over a 8600' col to gain the next glacier which leads to the Little Tahoma summit.

Trip: Liberty Bell - Date: 5/3/2008 Trip Report: On Saturday Ivan and I drove up to WA Pass to check Liberty Bell out. Weather was coming in, so we opted for a run up the Beckey Route. The weather came in. Wet rock, frozen fingers, big boots = big fun: Looking down at the col Party’s over The next day we climbed on Goat Wall in perfect sunshine. Catkin with ant Gear Notes: My mini ski bindings blew out = posthole descent:(

Mid June, when I'm back from Alaska.

I spotted 14 bears in two days while on the Bath Lakes High Route during berry season. Four in one meadow. Three at point blank range (Hi there!), the largest of which was probably pushing 400 lbs and absolutely the most gigantic black bear I've ever seen. This fall, get on your mountain bike, through some smoked salmon in a pack and go get some of those bear necessities.

Indiscriminate and overly forceful pole thrusts result in rutting and eventual seepage of subsurface moisture.

Trip: Garibaldi Ski Traverse - The Barrier to Elfin Ridge Date: 4/30/2008 Trip Report: Garibaldi Ski Traverse James near the summit of W. Castle “Why are you trying to make our jobs difficult?” “I apologize” That put the ‘Who’s the bigger asshole’ ball back in the U.S. border guard’s court. He would now either have to unilaterally escalate his assholishness, or back down and let me in the country without proof of citizenship…which he had in front of him after 5 seconds of typing ‘asshole who forgot his passport’ into his Big Brother monitor. It was 3 minutes to 11:00, and his shift replacement was already milling around the booth. “Welcome back to the United States.” Note to self: Next time I need to smuggle a vanload of underage Thai sex slaves packing Javanese rhino adrenal glands in various undisclosed locations, I’ll hit the border at exactly 5 minutes to 11:00 pm on a Friday night. Wait. This report isn’t about a once mighty nation that kicked ass in two world wars simultaneously with shitty tanks and even shittier uniforms, now cowed by a tentful of disco-loving A-rabs into blowing our national wad on something as fascist-sans-trains-running-on-time as the Department of Homeland Security. It isn’t about idiots that forgot their passports even though United States federal law has required proof of citizenship to gain entry since July of 2007. It’s about Canada. It’s about a mountain range twice the size of California that doesn’t realize that the Pleistocene is over. It’s about uncountable glacial rolloffs of perfect ankle deep powder on a firm base as pure and white and virginal as an evangelical teenage bride’s quivering rump, waiting to be carved like Butterball turkeys into endlessly repeating Tibetan symbols of Universal Oneness. It’s about getting off your ass, remembering to grab your passport, and going up there and getting some. Specifically, it’s about our brief stay in the Sphinx Hut in Garibaldi Provincial Park, and final day’s traverse out via the Elfin Hut, made possible by a point to point pick up from our comrade Jason, who unfortunately contracted a virus that transformed him into a human fertilizer spreader mid-trip and had to retreat to a Squamish hotel room for recuperation. “Bringing anything back from Canada?” “Other than a population destroying virus, no sir.” Namaste, mofos Sunset over Garibaldi Lake James approaching the E. Castle summit block The author just beneath the E. Castle summit block. Close, but no cigar. Garibaldi from Castle Sastrugi (Sphinx Glacier) E. and W. Castle from the south Monster cornice near the summit of The Sphinx Sisyphus Leaving the Sphinx Hut The Glaciology Hut, near Garibaldi Lake James on the first ascent of the Garibaldi traverse Crevasses on Garibaldi’s E slopes Looking west from Elfin Ridge near the end of the traverse

I'll say. I just got half way through a Hostess Cupcake only to find out I'm out of milk.

I can eat fifty eggs.

I try never to climb hard; it interferes with my belay loop.