JGowans

He bores me. I'd indolently saunter around the cage as he tried to pick up his belly from the sawdust caked floor and rush towards me as his gold medallions bounced from his chest to his face and slapped him silly. Meanwhile, his buxom bleach blond girlfriend would be rapping on the bars, threatening all kinds of bodily harm against me in between swigs of MD 20-20. No thanks. I think I'll watch him on Tough Guy on FX.

I know. Austin Powers calls it his "Inner Monologue"

Nevermind. Just found it! /gwee'do/ or /khwee'do/ Without qualification, Guido van Rossum (author of Python). Note that Guido answers to English /gwee'do/ but in Dutch it's /khwee'do/. Stellar! I've been called a lot worse in my day.

Can someone please explain to me the derogatory nature of Guido? I suspect it's some bigoted reference along the lines of spick and the dreaded "n" word but am not sure. Is it an outdated '70s colloquial term still in use in the mid-West primarily by mullet museum contenders and founding members of the Camaro fan club? Alas, I am not privy to such terminology.

One that you managed quite successfully to mis-spell. You bore me now because your well of wit dried up long ago, and your brain is more arid than the Gobi desert. Hence, you have tried to bridge the gap from mono-syllabic usage to multi-syllabic usage and have failed miserably. Some might say that's game set and match...guido.

I'll save the typing for you... Hey guido, you're a homo blah blah blah. Hey guido your life is shitty blah blah blah. Hey guido, my chick does triathletes, oops, triathlons blah blah blah. Hey guido, I have 3 planes and have made numerous guest appearances in porn movies blah blah blah. Hey guido, in my little mid-western town, they call me the BSD (Big Swinging Dick) blah blah blah. Hey guido, my life's so good I spray about it all over the Internet blah blah blah and on and on and on. I'm bored. You ceased to amuse me long ago. I believe someone is hailing a cab and you need the fare. I understand.

I can handle it fine kitty. I just think some things are better left unsaid. Just thinking about yer feelings that's all.

1. You already tried to justify your pitiful existance to me. It's pitiful and completely without justification. John Denver should be your role model. 2. I am without peers. 3. Life is not shitty. A shitty life is having a butterface for a girlfriend, being a glorified cabbie, and living in the mid-west.

I think the boundaries of acceptability have long since changed. Move with the times CBS. Society has moved on to a seedier and shadier epoch

Haha!!! Nice one! That was last year at U.S. v Honduras at Safeco. Not only am I a skirt wearer, you can see I went a bit heavy on the makeup too. Damn.

You are clearly not the man. Here you are trying to justify yourself to an anonymous user that lives halfway across the country. That tells me you really aren't that secure and no amount of Jerry Springer-esque success can convince me otherwise. Nor can you convince me that your wonderful girlfriend is anything but a fucking BUTTERFACE. Incidentally, regarding homosexuality...nothing wrong with it in my book. The fact that you ask me to kiss your ass does suggest some latent desires on your part though. I suggest you take care of those desires sooner rather than later lest you turn into one of those gay-hating closet homosexuals. Also, why don't you buy the same model of plane as John Denver and be done with it?

Um, can i suggest you guys take this to PM mode? I don't really want to have people air their dirty laundry for us voyeurs to prod, poke and rummage through it. Having said that though, I find that drinking bouts make for excellent crutches. Do I hear a Kitten Benefit Pub Club coming on?

That's very very fucking cool!!! I'd love to do that too one year! Have fun man!

I hear you kitten. however, i am living [with] my fantasy and loving it baby!!!

Ahhhhh...that was very therapeutic. I feel all calm and relaxed all of a sudden.

My thoughts are very coherent thank you very much. I clearly believe that you're a cocksucker. You mid-West ball lickers have it so shit out there that you have to post to a West coast bulletin board. As for the obscenities, you're a fucking twat and deserve nothing less than a barrage. Regarding the extent of my vocabulary...fuck you you fucking fuck. As you write, you are sitting in a not so ergonomic chair in your cube with beige fake walls that rise up 5 ft or so. You've got a picture of your FUGLY wife up there with a few quotes that you think are ever so clever, and can't wait for opportunity to use them. You're trying to make it and get by in life but you'll only ever be a pawn because you really don't have the mental capacity nor the drive to make much of anything in your life. Not to worry though because every Saturday, you get to visit Home Depot and walk hand in hand with your ugly wife at the local white trash mall anxiously eyeing things you can't afford, and all the while wishing that Discover would approve that damned platinum card with the $500 credit limit. As a way to provide the outlet for the “real” you, you end up posting to a climbing web site on the West coast, and pretend that you’re a real climber when the reality is that you have trouble getting out of your car and up the stairs to the local Krispy Kremes. Nevermind though, because you have your wife believing that you’re a tough guy climber and she whispers “Be careful” each time you go out for a 2 mile round-trip hike that takes your lard ass 5 ½ hours to complete. When you go back to the anonymous mid-West peasant village that you grew up in, you once again feel like the Big Man on Campus but little do they know that you’re just a fucking anonymous soul in Chicago with no prospects and an ability to write banal, poorly constructed pseudo-humorous statements on afore-mentioned web site. You get your rocks off writing on this site because your wife is too fat to shag, you’re too poor to pay for it, and you’re too ugly to have an illicit affair. How’s that for vocabulary? Now do me a favor and climb to the pinnacle of the Sears Tower and jump. I fucking dare you.

Mullet Sightings On The Rise "This could Be a Case For Mulder and Scully" - Catatonia [international Velvet]

At college in Louisiana, there was this total psycho on my track team. He had a brown one from md-80s. It had grafitti all over it. Whenever he went out, he'd be coming back from the bars and intentionally side-swipe parked cars. Total nutjob. He lasted about 2 semesters. It would have been 1 if it were anywhere other than Louisiana. I think his name was Brad. Here's to brad and his likely 8'x6' domicile

http://www.theonion.com/onion3922/troubled_teens.html

I am scared now Guido!!! You need directions you limp cheese dick or can your homies figure that out. Guido??? I'll bet you jerked off after you wrote that cos you thought it was just so damn funny. You're such a fucking ball sucking tosser that you've clearly got a gonad lodged somewhere in your cranium and it's affecting your fucking thought process. Don't fuck with the Scots you mid-west cock sucking shithead. Now get back to the kitchen before your boss fires you for not serving enough Big Macs in the past hour.

queen anne. i could meet you lot if it were close by. i have some dinner thing, but could easily duck out. i've been doing the interview thing most of the day and could use a pint.

looks polish to me?

A Scottish buddy of mine living in Chicago lives by the following motto. Can't get much simpler than this, and it works for him. Anyone care to try it? "No sex on the first date. No second date."

bbq on the 12th sounds good. me and anna will bring some polish HC and sausage. what time?