schlangeschmecker

I'VE ALWAYS LIKED THAT ONE. HEY TRASK, DO YOU REMEMBER BLOWING BUBBLES AS A CHILD?

Ooooh! Dat funny. Dat kind of predictable too. As if you don't remember signing the register. Flirt.

Seriously, back in college I had to install a revolving door to facilitate all of the traffic in and out of my dorm. This little trick cut my date budget by a third.

Here's the problem. You've got three babes to satisfy but only two "raincoats". How can you "meat" their needs in such a way that each of the four of you can be certain not to catch anything he/she doesn't already have?

Herzliche Grusse zum Geburtstag! Hoch soll er leben!

Yeah, and what is it, like $5 for a box of 20 "coughin' nails"?

To be fair, I should have asked you whether you thought that would be funny before I posted. But I was in a hurry. WTF. Crazy....I'm going to make a NW legend out of you. That's right! You heard right! I already know a bit about you....in fact, I even climbed with you once. Folks on this board don't even know what a badass MoFo you be, and with your permission, I'm going to clue them in. I'm just itching to write part II (in which Crazy miraculously reforms his sow-sodding ways and becomes a big-wall ball breaker) but I'll need your blessing.

Just in case anybody gets offended, I should mention that the story is my attempt to write historical fiction. Hopefully this is fairly obvious.

That ain't the way I heard it. See, from what I heard, ol' CrazyJZ had a pig fetish. His buddies all knew about it. In fact, Crazy was livin' in his mom's basement and employed as a sausage inspector at the rendering plant in Sultan. He had access to as many pigs as he could romance, but he didn't have health insurance, and so his buddies had to finance Crazy's visits to the clinic after he contracted Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus from one of the more promiscuous piggies. When Crazy got fired (for porking the pork on his coffee break), he used his severance pay to rescue his saucy sow, to which he had by now become a little attached (or so it appeared when his buddies tried to cop a show by peeking through the Index step-van window). Anyway, he was spending way too much time with Miss Piggy, and his core of buddies got a little jealous. While Crazy's climbing game had gone from bad to pathetic, he was still the only guy in the drunken group who could lead 5.8 A2, and without their rope gun, they just weren't knockin' out the pitches. They had to act, and their solution was to murder the pig. This provided only a temporary fix as Crazy found it within himself to love her despite her lack of response to his skilled advances. Crazy's buddies finally figured out that the only way to put an end to this was to hang the damn thing high on a 5.11 climb where she'd be out of ol' Crazy's reach. But who did they know who could climb a 5.11 and help haul the carcass? Don't you want to know? Stay tuned.

Enough already, little lady. I must to bed. But for one moment, I thought you might know more than you should.

You aren't really THAT clueless, are you?

That explains your level of intrigue. But send a PM to der Schlangeschmecker and reveal what you believe to be his/her true identity.

I was expecting a snappy rejoinder.

I have ambiguous genitalia.

Muffy, I'll show you meine Fickwurst if you show me your Liebesenf!

You assume I am male.

Ya, but let's alzo include ze brothers!

quote: Originally posted by Figger Eight: I hear they might have Sauna Sausage Dwayner and Pope style on the main stage... Ya, und I tink vee haf in Leavenworth no stage large enough for such "sausages".

Ya, Herr Pope, I sink you are, how dos vun say in Amerika, a big hypocrite. You should probably not bitch so much about bolts if you are going to use ze 2-ply paper in ze mountains, ya?

"You guarantee satisfaction? That's what your sign says anyway," asked the customer. The clerk promised that if their product didn't satisfy, she could return it. "In that case, I'll try that green one, behind you there on the shelf." The very next day she returned with a dissatisfied look on her face, and before she could even speak, the clerk promised that if the green one hadn't done the trick, then the red one was certain to please. She observed its noticeably larger girth, then agreed to the exchange and departed. She returned the following day, but the clerk informed her that if the red one hadn't met her expectations, he didn't have any further suggestions. "What about that plaid one, by the sink?" The clerk hesitated but eventually sold the item. The lady never returned. At the end of the week, the manager dropped by to ask how sales had gone. The clerk informed him that he hadn't sold any vibrators (except for two which were promptly returned), but that he had managed to sell his thermos.

check your PM's

Herr RURP, I began to thinking you haf disappeared, ya? I dink your big vall spray is, how does von say, now only a big vall dribble, now dat you no longer haf Schlangeschmecker to haul you up difficult nailing pitches (und keeep you warm in your portalege). Remember? Vee used to refer to such as a hanging Palais de Amour. Anyvay, ya, I miss you alzo. Und, sometimes I vunder, doss Herr RURP still desire to be fed a few links from der Sausagemeister, Herr Schlangeschmecker? Tschuss.

quote: Originally posted by johnny: And the enhanced sexual experience part is oh so very true!!!!!! Ya, keep it in your Lederhosen already, OK buddy? Und by de vay, how do you spark that bowl und milk your vorm at ze same time, huh?

Get high on mountains with John Denver at 9 p.m. this evening on KBTC.

Ya, Vhat's dee difference between a whore in church und a housevife in ze tub? Vell, ze whore in church has got HOPE in her SOUL. Und....