pope

A monkey happened across an elephant stuck in a pit. He assured the elephant he could help, then returned twenty minutes later with a Ferrari and a rope. After the rescue, the elephant promised to return the favor one day. One day, while walking through the jungle, the elephant happened across the monkey who, as you can imagine, was stuck in a pit. The elephant wasn't sure how to help, as he did not own a Ferrari. The monkey suggested that the elephant could lower his trunk into the pit, and when it failed to reach, the monkey encouraged the elephant to try lowering his tool. Sure enough, the monkey could just reach the elephants dangling schlanger and he was rescued. Is there a moral here? I think there is: YOU DON'T NEED A FERRARI WHEN YOU'VE GOT AN ELEPHANT-SIZED SCHLANGER.

Poor advice, Dru. She's only going to get really excited and say something like, "Pope? You know that guy?" Then you can forget about a one-night stand. She's going to follow you around like stink on a shit-heel, asking for my phone number. (Of course, she's only trying to get Pope's number 'cause she knows Pope knows Dwayner).

quote: Originally posted by pope: Here's a conspiracy theory I thought about the other day..I'm certain it's wrong, but it makes a certain amount of evil sense (when you consider other examples of just how corrupt powerful people can be, as in the Enron collapse, BJ's in the Oval Office, etc.). Imagine what it would take to unite the American people in such a way that anybody questioning the leadership would popularly be considered unpatriotic. Imagine what event would justify an enormous expansion of our military budget in these post-cold-war days. Imagine what event could convince Americans that we need to drastically reduce our dependence on Middle East oil, regardless of the impact on environmentally sensitive areas. Imagine what event would distract Americans to the point that environmental policy advanced by the previous, liberal administration could be reversed without notice. What enemy act against the US could be recognized as so terrible that we could deploy full-scale retaliation missions while economically powerful adversaries tacitly approve without losing face? What single event could accomplsih these objectives? What price would our leadership be willing to pay? Am I onto something here? If I disappear in the middle of the night.....wait, somebody's at the door.....Oh shit, the guys...the guys in black are.....must.....hit.....RETURN!....

[ 02-13-2002: Message edited by: pope ]

Also passing today: Waylon Jennings and Hitler's secretary.

Mt. Wizbang.

What a bunch of sophomoric nerds. Titties and farts, that's your level of humor. Why don't we knock off the womanizing already? Plastic vs. natural..it's a big decision, with big consequences (plural). I mean, how do you keep your toes tan and fungus free when they have to live in perennial shade?

Allow me to expand the arsenal of ice-breakin'-meetin'-the-babes-type pick-em-up lines (Dwayner and I don't actually employ these tactics...as he just mentioned, the action we see is already excessive). Ever notice that women are thrilled to let you drag 'em up the big climb, but when you come out of the cold and it's time to seal the deal, you don't know how to put the question? Try this one: "Let's slip out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini!" If it's meal time, you might try: "What do you say we get a pizza and then go screw....Ouch!... Hey!....What, you don't like pizza?" Or, if you're going to get together Saturday for your first big climbing date (not recommended), you could suggest: "Let's start the day off right tomorrow with breakfast before we climb. Uhhh, should I call you or nudge you?" Don't forget to compliment her sexy little Bobby-Girl sports bra: "I approve of the way that sports bra enhances your already ample rackage. What a great item...no chance of me talking you out of it?" Finally, keep her in suspense on the way back to the tent with: "Hey, would you like to see something swell?" [ 02-13-2002: Message edited by: pope ]

Matt, very inspirational, my friend. I'd love to hear 'bout your adventure on that wicked looking tower. Would you recommend?

Straight up your ass is Where I'll shove this ice axe if You smoke in Lou's hut!

SHE'S GONNA BLOW! THE MOUNTAIN'S GONNA BLOW....ME!

quote: Originally posted by Recriminator: Eric think it could be karma ?Blasting sport routes at vantage than getting on one .Mike Massy and Matt kerns put up that route and it never was a trad route.I have done that route and unless there is slack in your system there are no bad falls . Nice shot, man. Way to punch a guy when he's down. Certainly was a display of class on your part......low class, that is. I've never done the route, but I just looked it up in Smoot's Falcon guide, and what do you know: the route's got an additional bucket carved into it since Mike/Matt put it up! Just makes me curious about what the hell is going on over there these days. Does anybody think anymore?

We decided to climb Lane Peak on Thanksgiving Day one year. When we asked the ranger at the park entrance about conditions, we got a funny reply: Conditions? You boys are going to do a little snowshoeing I can see. Well, it's been raining recently, and although the freezing level is at about 1500 feet today, it's still warm down low. What we've got is high avalanche danger down low and "fifty mile-pern-hour" winds whippin' in your face up above. I suggest you boys do an about-face and make for turkey dinner right now. Or, I can take your ten bucks now what's it going to be? We got a kick out of that one. Also, I had a buddy who worked as a seasonal ranger each summer, and I went out to visit him at Devil's Tower in 1987. He used to find the tourists' questions to be pretty ridiculous, and he'd occasionally give ridiculous answers. One of the more hilarious conversations went something like this: Why climb the tower? Well, the fishing is superb up there. Yes, there's a little tarn with some great walleye. Almost ran dry one year when the pond mysteriously developed a leak. Turns out that climbers' use of pitons was causing the leaks and that's why pitons are no longer allowed. [ 02-10-2002: Message edited by: pope ]

quote: Originally posted by mr. happy: how in the world did dwayner happen across the "breasts o'mystery"?? I know Dwayner, and I know his habits. Let's just say it was bound to happen, sooner or later.

quote: Originally posted by Charlie: yeah, she's still got that bag- it works pretty nice Dat some funny shit. [ 02-09-2002: Message edited by: pope ]

quote: Originally posted by crazyjz: Germans and rules, that has really helped the world huh? German style "rule" following won't go as smoothly in a land of iconoclastic individuals like us in Freedom(Snohomish) County. God Bless me , Bronco, and rat (temporary resident of Freedom County). Actually, it has. Having a little self-discipline in your culture can produce excellent results. Witness the origin of the world's finest automobiles, beers, and leather shorts. We live in the Wild West, where just about anybody can live freely, and I wouldn't have it any other way. We don't need rules; but we do need a little pride and self-discipline. Increasingly, people are attracted to our sport because of its sexy image. Instead of appreciating that mountaineering is supposed to offer many kinds of challenges in a wilderness setting, instead of appreciating that skill and experience (not just athleltic ability) are required for excellence, it seems that many climbers today have the attitude that they should climb the hardest routes and even establish new routes within six months of starting. Many are willing to take short cuts (hang dogging and "red pointing" at a certain grade (say, 5.12), then announcing, "I climb 5.12." What seems to be genuinely missing is a sense of style and a commitment to not littering the rock. What seems to be present is a sense that anybody and everybody should be able to purchase a drill, charge it up all night, then head out to Vantage to push the envelope, to define the cutting edge of mountaineering. Too often, the result is an instultingly over-bolted 5.9 route that could easily be TR'd. For the record, I ain't never chopped a bolt. And if I were to propose a solution to all the acrimony over bolting, I'd say places at which sport-climbing is well established should be left alone by old farts like me who are offended by the place. But at the same time, I think other cliffs should be left alone by the bolt slingers. This would require self-discipline on everybody's part, a willingness to respect what the other guy does, even if we don't like it. Not to be unpatriotic, but I think other cultures might be more capable of this. Yes, the biggest problem at Vantage is the enormous popularity of the place. Is it the sun? Is it the bolts? What makes it so popular? It is my observation that the crowds and the bolts seem to arrive together. The development of a cliff like Vantage is supposed to help spread everybody out and take pressure off of other areas, and I think we've seen this happen. On the other hand, sport cliffs seem to attract a lot of new climbers since clipping bolts is as much fun (and almost as challenging) as goofin' around at Ronald McDonald Playland. I don't think anybody needs to circle the sport climbin' wagons. I don't have any first-hand information, but from what I've read on this post it seems obvious that what you've got is a cheap bastard trying to score some hardware. Don't worry, those hangers will probably reappear 3 or 4 feet to the left or right from their original line.

En route to freshies, Stinky hippie oil offends nasal passages.

I suppose not too many guys would want to admit to believing in the double-biv-sac system....but I'm serious, it's supposed to be lighter than two singles and a little more secure than a tarp. The guy I'm thinking of ain't the least bit fruity. He's a real man's man, with the wife and kids and the whole nine yards. Technically he's Joe Average, handling 5.10 on a good day, but he's used this system on some fast ascents (fast for an average guy, like a carry-over on Chouinard/Beckey on South Howser in two days, car-to-car).

Feel free to move this out of "SPRAY" Mr. Moderator. Oooops.

Got a friend who likes alpine rock routes (who doesn't?). Anyway, he's got a weight-saving system for bivies, in which he and his buddy use a 2-man bivouac sack (spooning, no forking), which is significantly lighter than two singles. I don't know what else he does to save weight, but he's had success with the system. Anybody else tried it? Do you have any other hot tips for saving weight, especially for climbs that require a bivouac (for average climbers, anyway)?

For three years I tried to get my wife pregnant. My doctor finally said, "Turn on the lights, and try a different hole." [ 02-08-2002: Message edited by: pope ]

I love my little Ice Sac by Wild Things. It's built like a brick shit house; you could probably drag it home behind your car if you didn't have room for it in the cab. But when it comes to the tool-tubes, I think they mostly just add weight. I find it difficult to reach back and work the fastex snap-buckle while I'm in the middle of a M8 figure-four move...especially with gloves or mittens. But that is supposed to be a bonus of the feature (easy access to the tools). Perhaps the only advantage that I could see, that I haven't yet heard mentioned, is that when you're hauling a pack with tools (especially if they're 50cm or longer), you want them to be secure, not flopping around or tennuously attached. The tubes keep them very secure, even if the point catches under a little overlap as the pack's being hauled.

Dru is Icegirl. Icegirl is Mystic Nacho. Mystic Nacho is Peter Puget, and Peter Puget is (transitive property of an equivalence relation) Dru. Pope has burped.

Pope and Dwayner have appeared at Club Pub together. Erik's got photos. And if I may, Club Pub sounds a little more hip than Pub Club. Maybe you'll get more ladies to attend if you go with Club Pub. [ 02-07-2002: Message edited by: pope ]

I ain't that smart, clowns.