[TR] Far & Wide - Hood Rain-Wracked & Beacon Besodden 11/29/2008

[ivan]

Trip: Far & Wide - Hood Rain-Wracked & Beacon Besodden

 

Date: 11/29/2008

 

Trip Report:

5 days off for thanksgiving - sure as fuck'n'puking on st. paddy's day there had to some adventure to be had? but what? n face of hood? some other hood tomfoolery? christ, if i do another beacon tr some one'll have my balls for it! but then again, i DO want to spend another night portaledging it

 

faint memories of merry machinations the anniversary passing hard upon the very day the furies fastened this wonder upon us, 1 year ago today

 

so fate played out as it must - we are all sinners in the hands of an angry god - mike got sick, no doubt from our damp hide n' seek adventure tuesday when we, as good pilgrims must from time 2 time, circumambulated our Holy Monolith in the drizzle - billbob was keen for a hood jaunt though, and the forecast was, at least a few days off, quite positive

 

but meteorologists were all abused as children and they have their vengeance on us cruelly - saturday faded from fabled hero conditions to clouds and crap, but the holiday dying, we had to at least have a go at her corpse

 

so...the reid then...fuck camping, no time...christ the high for saturday is to be high - freezing level at 10k during the day - we'll have to hit illumination at daylight's taint

 

these plans seemed vouchsafed by the Blessed Virgin as we laid them in the skanktacular bar called charlies at govie's camp - coulda stayed awhile and had my way w/ any number of poster-pinups on the wall and whanot - ordered a rueben for later and a jubalale for now - billbob story-told over tall whiskeys - tales of cocaine and goomahs and godlessness - juvenile high-jinxes - lonesome valley - guns - jesus-fuck, how about this ocean of life, deep w/ bullshit, we all swim in!

 

at timberline at the witching hour - where the hell is the weather we were promised by that prim-faced phuck on the tellie? strong wind, lashing rain licked the carpace of that monstrousity billbob calls car - a mighty fine camp of itself on such a night i must admit - alarms set for 130 for a 230 start if we are to have non-suicide temps on the west side

 

things were no different 2 1/2 hours later - i had little interest in waking - racked out w/ my rucksack cuddled in my arms - called her sally, called her betty, shit, called her a lot of things and didn't mean a word of it - things were no better out, but dammit, here we are and let no man say we weren't equal to the task

 

how i hate to harp on my poverty, but night's like these lay it bare - my goretex garments long ago gave up the ghost, and i've figured how to get by on the volcanoes w/ soft-shells - i go ghetto-style as i must, and flourish despite it, but this was a morning that showed some serious limitations

 

by the time we'd reached silcox's altitude i was properly done in - the sole memory my brain will allow me now, just 24 hours later, is of the waterfall that ran w/o letup off my hood, my whole left-side wind-numbed, my plastic boots' burgeoning puddles, the coursing water down my long underwear, like an old man gone wrong

 

so little snow up there now - the lift station has a door in the bottom usually obscured - we stopped to take snuff - i could have been no wetter if i jumped in the ocean w/ all my clothes on - i set them up on the protruding rebar and wrung buckets of brown water out of them

that cheeky bastard billbob has the proper toys though, and had every reason to laugh at my sodden state - i would have challenged him to a duel w/ pistols at dawn, but the fact that i had to take off my shoes to get at my soaked socks, combined w/ the fear that i might damage his cigarettes in the contest, kept me from it

in such moments there is really only one thing to do

so we tarried for awhile - waiting to see what would develop - the clock was ticking on when we'd need to be at the gap by, and the unceasing tumout outside boded quite poorly - worse, soaked as i was, i would not warm w/ walking and in the wind soon those delicious tendrils of hypothermy would take hold - the slack jaw, the fumbling, the idiocy so easily missed amidst the background mumblings of my garbled conciousness - with no reason to expect things to improve, we went down - i am humbled - after maybe a 100 climbs on that mountain, a new lesson - dont' leave the timberline parking lot if its fucking raining

 

so, what now? well, the forecast was for things to be dry and good back home, so shit, maybe this tempest was the beacon-wand's holy-fury at my neglecting here? rumors had run rampant along the gorge wind the previous night of a great gathering of The Brethern in the offing at the Land of the Little Peope - billbob has been turned off to rock-climbing since some churlish baffoon ruined him on it last winter solstice, but i thought i could make up for my poor performance a few hours earlier by taking him on the adventure-raps down the n face, then join da crew at the ledge - shit, its 7 a.m. and we've been awake 6 hours, but let's make it happen!

 

we got views of the cloud wraiths wriggling over the n side as we drove off toward hood river

at beacon the forecast also was woefully fucked - drizzle and damp and cloud-murk - luckily every stitch of clothing i had was still soaked - ah well, at least its warmer

 

geoff and his bro kyle rolled in first, as i sat smoking and pondering the stimulant-based-blankness rapidly crossing my mind - in the end bill and i hiked up to the summit, but the dampness and cloud and my own miserable conduct seemed to disuade him of our course, so plans changed for the 3rd time that day - he was to walk down while i'd rap down to geoff, get his keys, rap the rest of the way off, meet bill in the lot, move my wet-shit from his rig to geoff's, part ways, then rejoin the boys even as the next round of Big Players rolled in (in the form of jimmy o and old mother-frakking larry)

 

the brothers were already well ensconced in their hobo-camp when i arrived

as i started to rap out w/ the keys, jim peered over from above

i decided to fix my single 60 m alpine rope at the top of the dutchman rather than do the endless trip down jills - scared the holy-hell out of myself though as its pretty thin and the kermantle apparently has been corrupted w/ fabric accumulating in the rap-device in addition to the 3 liters or so of water it shipped over the course of the descent - made many a merry prayer to allah and buddha and every other half-rate-hilly-billy-prophet as the rap proceeded

 

sadness in such sweet parting, but the ever-generous billbob made it easier by handing over a honey-bun, a beer and a half-pack - much appreicated amigo! best of all though was the belay device, as rapping on a munter hitch might have resulted in hersey-squirts in my shorts

 

rejoiningg The Brethern, i encountered geoff already well along on his new aid-line - larry gave me a fireman's belay so i could take this shot, which shows the arboreal nature of the route

for the first time in weeks i was out at beacon and there was no raging breeze - now it was more eerie - steady drizzle - gaint pregant drops from the overhanging wall above banging on the tarp - thick clouds, murky river-views - the air thick and ponderous

eventually geoff grew weary of his adventure and turned the crazy-train over to larry

larry promptly inserted his fine gallic probiscis into the back of nice wide crack to search for his ass

it's a fine line, but i wonder where in the hell it'll end up - it'll be exciting for certain, especially to keep it iron free

excellent times that afternoon - musical chairs under the dripping tarp - bullshitting - but as night approaches, jim gets fired up, and besodden as i was, i was eager to join forces and get ourselves down - jim and i went first - i got this pic of him coming donw to me while larry was still wailing away

jim rushed off - larry remained at the ledge to commune w/ his humors for the night - the brothers came down and kindly conveyed me to gresham - i came home, bathed my kids, ate 10 lbs of mashed potatoes n' gravy, then slept on the hard-floor while my wife killed krauts and japs, called to duty as she was by The Great Gamer in the Sky

 

Gear Notes:

fortitude

ignorance

anger

 

Approach Notes:

vanouver to gresham to gov camp to silcox to hood river to beacon

[WageSlave]

Well that trip report made me stop regretting spending time with the family. Nothing like 35 degree rain to make you happy and numb.

[el jefe]

mt hood and beacon rock in the rain -- time to come up with a new plan, ivan.

[JosephH]

Good one Ivan. I've been so out of it all my fingertips are now peeling off as they've forgotten about climbing. That's the crack off of the left side LoLP I tried to free two years ago and was stymied by a bush in the top of the wide. I believe the last time I checked the piece I'd left was gone, but the bush was still there. Did you guys do it in?

[ivan]

Good one Ivan. I've been so out of it all my fingertips are now peeling off as they've forgotten about climbing. That's the crack off of the left side LoLP I tried to free two years ago and was stymied by a bush in the top of the wide. I believe the last time I checked the piece I'd left was gone, but the bush was still there. Did you guys do it in?

you'd have to ask geoff - he was a good ways up it by the time i made my 2nd rap down - i didn't see one so it probably got pulled - a strange line - looks like it'll have to keep sliding left through a plane of weakness, pass through some choss perhaps, but then end up under a cool set of rooves and god know's what to the top - at any rate, it looks like it'd need another belay station at the top - i for one will love having another option for topping out.

[JosephH]

Steering left as you got higher is what it looked like at the time to me as well...

[kevbone]

That's the crack off of the left side LoLP I tried to free two years ago and was stymied by a bush in the top of the wide.

 

I remember. I was sitting on the ledge watching you climb it. If I recall correctly. You tried climbing it upside down.

[Lucky Larry]

Wankers away with you all. WTF? Will it go? Who cares? I thought that was what an adventure was suppose to be; going into the unknown without knowing the outcome. No disrespect to Geoff but I started the route with him belaying. I put in a couple of J.O.'s pins to rap off (don't trust them).

Edited December 8, 2008 by oldlarry

[pink]

hermp!

[pink]

hermp!

[kevbone]

Wankers away with you all. WTF? Will it go? Who cares? I thought that was what an adventure was suppose to be; going into the unknown without knowing the outcome. No disrespect to Geoff but I started the route with him belaying. I put in a couple of J.O.'s pins to rap off (don't trust them). J.H. is there anything you haven't done at beacon besides machine gunning bolt's and rap stations everywhere? It's soooo good that you've made Beacon safe. How about belaying leaders off of anchors and using ropes without core shots now?

 

Good of you to join us Lash.

[markd]

larry in the house.

[ivan]

...is there anything you haven't done at beacon besides machine gunning bolt's and rap stations everywhere?

this past summer opening wasn't as good, but the 2 previous ones were a good deal earlier than The Man woulda done w/o the politicking jh's done i'd wager

 

i dig on the adventure there larry/geoff - would be happy to have a hand in on getting it up - looks like it's gonna get real cool near the top - make certain it gets a dirty, dirty moniker, eh?

[geoff]

Cliff is right. I only repeated what he had already done the week before. But, I did do it in the rain for the FWA.

 

Also, will it go without Iron? Um, WTF you think he was wailing on? Maybe it will go w/o SS but the Iron is already in and we all know that the Iron holds the Whale. So, hands off would be snatchers.

 

BTW, go easy on JH. Nothing wrong with rapping off non-museum appropriate artifacts from before my time. I was actually thinking the approach to the FD rap should be upgraded as well as the fixed line on the LOL and the rap to get there and the rap to get to the rap to get to the LOL. A short list.

[MtnHigh]

Saturday was an awesome day to have breakfast in Government Camp.

 

Based on the earlier weather reports Saturday was suppose to be a stellar day. A crew of us from PDX and Bend converged in the wee hours of the morning at T-line. There were sucker holes drifting overhead as we drove up the T-line road springing hopeful comments within the car,

 

'I bet it's clear just above T-line'

'It's only raining here, not further above'

 

We got soaked just walking up to the main lodge from the parking lot. After sitting around the lodge for an hour or so watching the mist roll through better judgement prevailed. We headed down to the Huckleberry Inn for breakfast.

 

[ivan]

nice! was wondering waht happened w/ you n' oleg - so did you salvage anything out of the rest of the day or was i the only one w/ superior vision to see the beauty of sitting round LOL in the drizzle in fashinoably pre-soaked clothes?

[billbob]

Which would you most like to climb with Ivan:

 

This slippery 800' monolith?

 

Or this icy windswept volcano?

 

 

 

 

 

[ivan]

Or this icy windswept volcano?

damn dude - your zoom works much better than mine!

[ivan]

mt hood and beacon rock in the rain -- time to come up with a new plan, ivan.

any ideas that don't involve more than 24 hours and/or getting more than 80 miles or so away from pdx?

[el jefe]

that "24 hours and/or getting more than 80 miles or so away from pdx" is what limits you. for example, i went to smith for the day on saturday and conditions were perfect. drive a little farther and find something dry...

[Mtguide]

Nicely written TR, Ivan-the new Kerouac has appeared. It was indeed foretold that his reincarnation would be revealed in the mountains of the Pac. NW, freely dispensing stream-of counsciousness Crazy Wisdom, Hanshan-like, swinging a mean ice tool (the 21st century Vajra-scepter), showing the youngsters how to laugh at the rain and cold, breaking the slavish bonds of attachment to comfort and warmth, shattering misguided delusions of achievement and success, further deepening North America's own tradition of rollicking, waked-up alpinist-lamas and mountain adepts who have transcended good and bad weather, sleep, and all-the-best-new-gear, to find highest perfect enlightenment on the end of a sodden rappel rope, and then kicked it in the ass and let THAT go sailing off into the void too.

 

Kinda like the old Northern Plains contraries, the Heyokas or "backwards warriors";

 

"Shivering in the white heat of summer

Sweating in the cold

rides his horse backwards

says yes but means no

when arriving, leaves

having departed,

arrives;

Having failed,

succeeds.

 

[el jefe]

ivan as "backwards warrior"? that somehow makes a lot of sense...

[ivan]

ivan as "backwards warrior"? that somehow makes a lot of sense...

my mom would be so proud

 

speaking of which, wasn't kerouac pretty much a fat drunken catholic (failed buddhist) w/ lofty ambitions he could never dedicate himself to that ended up living w/ his mom till he died in middle age of a wasted liver, a joke to everyone he truly liked and a hero to all he despised?

 

not certain if the comparision is so favorable then....

[kevbone]

Good job Geoff and to your brother for getting out alot....you must not have kids....oh wait.

[ivan]

Good job Geoff and to your brother for getting out alot....you must not have kids....oh wait.

i think you bitch more about me being not home than my own family, kev

 

for the record though, over my 5 day t-giving break, i spent all but 23 hours of them w/ my clan