my cat, smokejumper

[marylou]

My cat just came home from *wherever* and almost half of her whiskers on one side are burned off. I can't even begin to imagine how that happened.

 

Icegirl came up with two theories, none of which are super-plausible, but could be correct.

 

1. My cat was hanging out with the bums down by the railroad tracks and she got a little too close to the 55 gallon drum with the fire in it. My problem with this theory is that she did not come home wearing an old wool sportcoat or even a very small set of fingerless gloves.

 

2. She got a ride down to San Diego to be a smokejumper and help out with the fires. This one might hold some water, so to speak, but she does not smell oddly of smoke, as she sometimes does after she's been outside in the winter. That's a topic for another discussion though.

 

So, how the hell did my eight pound female tuxedo cat get half her whiskers burnt off? I'm sure there's a perfectly sound explanation for this, but kitty's not talkin'. Thanks for your help.

[ZimZam]

She got the lighter to close while sparkin' up the doobie.

[lancegranite]

Having been on fire several times,I present some plausable senarios:

 

1. Lighter too close to beard or hair.

The most popular self-inflicted immoliation accident.

Smokers of tobacco products have all done this number at least once.

Not to be confused with pulling a "Marbaro man", the campfire-burning-twig routine.

 

2. "Fireworks accidents"*

Misleadingly named,this baby is a summer favorite.

Perrinially popular with excitable tween kids, staggering drunk guys.

AKA: Pulling a "Saving Private Ryan" or a "Michael Jackson"

*Remember, its always better to drive to the hospital than have the aid car come to the house.

 

3. Sleeping next to steam lines.

Steam lines can keep you warm all night long, but can also create the worst burns, especially if you roll over in your sleep. Beware of lines turned on and off at random.

Cardboard-cardboard-cardboard: still the best found object insulator. It saves lives folks.

 

4. Cooking accidents.

The kitchen is a dangerous place, too many cooks in the kitchen can create a recipe for disaster.

Carefully follow directions and use a measuring cup for best results.

Oven mitts are not just for fancy chefs on TV, use them every time you make meth. Every time.

 

5. Taking it to the streets.

Riots or street fighting can be very rewarding, but don't loose youe head.

Burning police cars, seigeing the TV station, the smell of tear gas and smoke... the memories can last a lifetime.

Even though victory for the people is in the air, prior proper planning can make the difference between a mere public disturbance and a new day for democracy.

Fires are great for CNN footage, but they needlessy destroy private property that might not have been properly looted.

Watch for wind shifts and be ready to fall back to a predetermened safe assembly area.

[rmncwrtr]

Your poor cat got kidnapped by a cult of satanic worshippers trying to get ready for Halloween. Since she's a tuxedo cat and they needed a black cat, they decided to dye her white parts the correct color. They took her down to a dark, candlelit room and put her in a giant tub. Kitty wanted no part of this. She put up quite a fight, screeching, scratching and even drawing blood. Using her feline wit, kitty managed to escape, but in the process got a little too close to one of the candles and burned half her whiskers off.

 

Just to be on the safe side, you may want to keep her inside until after Halloween.

[sobo]

So, how the hell did my eight pound female tuxedo cat get half her whiskers burnt off? I'm sure there's a perfectly sound explanation for this, but kitty's not talkin'.

 

She was visiting her homie Richard Pryor for a free-base hit. Ol' man din't learn nuthin' da last time he blowed his face up. Now he be torchin' up po' kitty faces, too. Da-yamm, Holmes!

[lizard_brain]

Meth lab explosion.

[ericb]

Meth lab explosion.

 

ballard, not Spokanistan

[builder206]

When I was a boy we heated the house with portable natural gas heaters. They connected with a hose to permanent gas plumbing throughout the house. Think faucets mounted at the baseboard except gas came out rather than water. For safety---as if these thinsg were safe at all---the flame was beneath ceramic blocks and the blocks were set well into te heater behind some bump guards. But the heat-loving cats would stand as close as possible...closer...closer still...pushing their faces past the bump guards...until finally whiskers & eyebrows went poof. It must not have been painful because they never stopped.