sobo Posted June 4, 2003 Posted June 4, 2003 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! How I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!" Quote
MysticNacho Posted June 4, 2003 Posted June 4, 2003 Questions Not To Ask In Foreign Lands By Gerhard Reinke IRELAND “Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?” FRANCE “Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren’t the French just Germans who can make sauces?” ITALY “Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ” POLAND “Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?” GERMANY “Is this bratwurst kosher?” TURKEY “Where’s the hash at? It’s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?” KOREA “Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?” CHINA “This wall isn’t so great.” ENGLAND “Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?” SWEDEN “Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?” YEMEN “Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean -- ‘Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?” INDIA “You don’t live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?” ETHIOPIA “After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!” CANADA “You’re like Americans without money.” SPAIN “So, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?” SOUTH AFRICA “I liked it better the other way.” MEXICO “What's that smell?” SAUDI ARABIA “Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?” RUSSIA “Is it always this cold and economically devastated?” UZBEKISTAN “Can you spell Uzbekistan?” GREECE “I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy." AFGHANISTAN “Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?” JAPAN “What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?” AUSTRALIA “How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?” AMERICA “Was John Wayne gay?” Quote
sobo Posted June 4, 2003 Author Posted June 4, 2003 thelawgoddess said: umm. yeah. cute. I figger'd I might hear from you, TLG. Sorry, but I couldn't resist it. And where's the "chime in" from that "sleazeball attorney wannabe"? Quote
thelawgoddess Posted June 4, 2003 Posted June 4, 2003 specialed's just a wannabe. and i'm a don't-really-wanna-be who just happens to have a jd. but what about mattp? he's the real deal ... Quote
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