JGowans Posted May 15, 2003 Share Posted May 15, 2003 Ok folks, I know you sprayers have bugger all to do. DFA's an aspiring wordsmith, and I'm sure that there's loads of potential entertainment locked up inside every noggin. How about an informal writing contest? Here's my contribution. It's the intro to a book I started to write about a crazy fella who had slit his wrists, is lying on the floor bleeding, and was about to recollect his life with each pulsing spurt. The effort is called "The Veneer of Sanity" ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Have known that the madness always lurked within just below the surface. My veneer of sanity fools everyone but a few. She was mad too. My mother. Liked the booze as well as the men. I’m much the same, but substitute the females for the males. Don’t misunderstand. I see beauty in the masculine form, but I have no interest in sex or love beyond females. The booze scares me as much as the insanity. The insanity of booze. The booziness of insanity. Two dormant diseases that have been my guests, and I the obliging, yet somewhat unsuspecting host for most of my life. I’ve harnessed them well, but now the yoke is loose, the plan askew, and the paranoia rampant. They’re lurking with intent. Yes! An intent to be most efficacious. Me they must mortally attack. I am what? Nothing! Ha! Not worth a pursuit. That’s what I say now, but for all my life, I’ve known that to be very much not the case. You see, I’m possessed. A veritable possession of genius no less. I whisper it to myself lest either affliction declares my self primed for retribution. I don’t deserve it. But actually, I do! I know I do. Callous, uncaring, and cold am I. No! Say not those words unto me. Be gone with your scythe and leave you sickle for it is now time to harvest the contents of my mind. Submerged among the shattered dreams and haggard hopes lies my last chance. Staggering and sloping in a bar. Leave that saloon for you are my last gasp of air. Not putrid at all. Afford me that last brilliant conscious stream of thought. Afford me nothing more than that for it is I who will not succumb to the daily blah of mortality. I refuse. I defy the piddling, pompous, passive predicament referred to as a successful life. Who has the bloody right to tell me what it is anyway? Life! I am the alarm clock that will sound every day for the rest of your life. My bell shall strike every continent and the thundering boom shall reverberate within your soul and serve as a constant reminder of who you are. Forget never what it is that makes you you. I’m forgetting, but only because I’ve slipped too far. My money will soon dry up, but my liver will never know the aridity of sobriety. Dance little grape. Skip daintily from your bottle to this dreg… of society. I know who I am today, but tomorrow my spots will be squares. All the while, the squares sit blindly at their desks, watch the tick tick ticking and wish that they were me. Whoa! Who’d want that? Please say that it’s not true. You don’t even know me. Sleep on it. Take whatever you need to drain it from your system, but just let it go. Let me go. Snap the string and watch this kite go go go! Zippa, zoop, zwang. I’m gone, and you didn’t even miss me. One day I’ll let you in on a little secret. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted May 15, 2003 Share Posted May 15, 2003 You should enter the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGowans Posted May 15, 2003 Author Share Posted May 15, 2003 bastard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gregm Posted May 15, 2003 Share Posted May 15, 2003 speaking of literature CBS, my recollection is the term "cat bird seat" comes from a james thurber story, or rather, a fictional or real (i don't know) baseball commentator who used the term. what's the lowdown? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Flash_Amazing Posted May 15, 2003 Share Posted May 15, 2003 Isn't "in the catbird seat" just a colloquialism for being in a good position? e.g. "Bush is in the catbird seat now that Jeb successfully rigged Florida." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul_K Posted May 15, 2003 Share Posted May 15, 2003 cat bird seat However, I for one don't see the resemblance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted May 15, 2003 Share Posted May 15, 2003 gregm said: speaking of literature CBS, my recollection is the term "cat bird seat" comes from a james thurber story, or rather, a fictional or real (i don't know) baseball commentator who used the term. what's the lowdown? Yeah, that's right. Baseball commentators are fond of the term, especially when referring to pitchers who are ahead in the count. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted May 15, 2003 Share Posted May 15, 2003 Paul_K said: cat bird seat However, I for one don't see the resemblance. Hey, that artist really does some fine work! I'd love to put one of those in the garden. Somehow I don't think the wife would approve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Flash_Amazing Posted May 15, 2003 Share Posted May 15, 2003 JGowans said: Ok folks, I know you sprayers have bugger all to do. DFA's an aspiring wordsmith, and I'm sure that there's loads of potential entertainment locked up inside every noggin. "Aspiring wordsmith," eh? Got any more condescending pseudocompliments up your plaid sleeve, Scotchgard? Go gag on a haggis, mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGowans Posted May 15, 2003 Author Share Posted May 15, 2003 Dr_Flash_Amazing said: "Aspiring wordsmith," eh? Got any more condescending pseudocompliments up your plaid sleeve, Scotchgard? Go gag on a haggis, mate. Not intended to be condescending mate. Do you consider yourself to be an accomplished wordsmith as opposed to aspiring? Is that the gist of your vexation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Flash_Amazing Posted May 15, 2003 Share Posted May 15, 2003 Nah, just fucking with you. It's one of those boring days where a little chain yanking goes a long way (not that chain or that yank, sicko). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allthumbs Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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