Son_of_Caveman

quote: Originally posted by sk: stalker groopie

A Scots tale One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful -- slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham. ''Right, you Jimmy,'' he shouts, ''Ah want you to masturbate!'' ''But......'' stammers the driver. ''Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!'' So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn't take him long. ''Right!'' snarls the Highlander ''Du it agin, now!'' So the driver does it again. ''Right laddie, du it agin!'' demands the Highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, has violent knob-ache, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. ''Du it again!'' says the Highlander. ''I can't do it any more - you'll just have to kill me!'' whimpers the man. The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, ''All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?''

What a tool you be... Trollin' for some Caveluv are ya?? Schlong beater!!

long live my keyboard and bad 'tude

quote: Originally posted by b-rock: Whatever. Notice your post was edited? Your first response was particulary caustic. Anger management, prozac, heavy sedatives, a group hug? Try something... Try something like what, b-rock. Like being the WAD you are...yeah that's right bonehead, judging from your signature portrait, you've got issues yourself.. b-rock

Yur my hero Cpt.

sk- i am a doctor, thus would be interested in examining your breasts to discuss the possibility of breast reduction. pm me for address to my home, oops, i mean office.

quote: Originally posted by MysticNacho: People are having entirely way too much fun here. Something needs to be done.

A Sweet Ass Story It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?” Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream “Oh Henry, Oh Henry!” Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, “Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.” I said, “Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?” (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, “Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth!

I'll never tell

pope's new website: popesleavins@scat.com

you've been off your meds again, haven't you Mr. Pope??

Scaling new heights Perhaps an "executive parachute" — now being marketed for businesspeople in the wake of Sept. 11's terrorist attacks — doesn't appeal for last-minute building escapes. Or maybe your job just makes you feel like climbing the walls. Whatever the case, the German makers of the gekkomat (in German, the name means "automatic lizard-climber") could be onto something. The gekkomat sticks to walls thanks to suction nozzles powered by compressed air from a tank on the climber's back. And quite a lizard it is — its creators say it can hold a ton. Did anyone say "Godzilla"?

Mountain Climber Reports Seeing Two Yeti on Mt. Everest On Thursday, September 17, 1998, Craig Calonica, a mountain climber from the USA, was descending from a high-altitude campsite on Mount Everest in the Himalayas when he spotted two Yeti lumbering through the snow. On Tuesday, October 13, "the 45-year-old skier and mountain climber" told Reuters that he "was on his way down to base camp at 17,000 feet (5,200 meters) from a camp at 21,300 feet (6,500 meters) when he saw the creatures." "He said they had thick, shiny, black fur and walked like humans except a little hunched over at the shoulders." "'My point was that I saw something and what I saw was not human, that was not a gorilla, not a bear, not a goat, and it was not a deer,' Calonica told Reuters. 'Their arms were very long, and their heads were very big.'" Calonica was with his Nepali cook when the Yeti passed them by. The sighting took place on the north face of Mount Everest, about 56 kilometers (35 miles) southeast of Dinggye, Tibet. (Many thanks to Erik Beckjord of the Sasquatch Research Project for forwarding the Reuters article.) (ParaScope Editor's Note: Another mountain climber, Reinhold Messner, recently authored a book in which he argues that the Yeti is actually a Tibetan bear; see related article for more info.)

yea, right...why didn't i think of that??

quote: Originally posted by ruddersbox: Those "hard men" ain't bitchin that there is no guide book. Go find the problems for your self, take some time, and emmulate those pictured men and bring an f'n keg of Rouge Smoke to keep the Miller lite dbags away.

what the hell are you talking about rudder?? if she was truly a goddess, she'd bless us with a self-portrait of adaquate size and quality to make our own appraisal.

i'm not talking about picking up climber chicks. i only climb roadside to impress the hotties driving by on their way to WSU.

i'm diggin' that idea. heh, boy george is my 2nd. cousin, can i bring him for some campfire singalong action?? "do you really want to luv me??"

to pick up chicks they dig our mojo

I've recently gone on a crusade to save all the ounces possible in my ruck. Here's a few weight saving tips that worked for me, and one that didn't: 1. I shaved my balls to save weight, but the stubble in my shorts irritated me to no end. When I visited the Swedish Massage Parlors (read Korean) and had the obligatory "body bath" the gurlz all thought I was gay. 2. I'm currently in the process of removing every other bristle on my tooth brush. Using my leatherman pliers, this takes awhile, but the potential for weight saving cannot be overlooked. 3. I'm also separating the plys on my t.p. I roll the extra ply on a short pencil. Write a note...wipe yur ass. I have other ideas, but I must go have a Martini and ponder the meaning of it all. [ 05-01-2002, 06:43 PM: Message edited by: Son of Caveman ]

quote: Originally posted by mattp: Oplopanax horridum gets a bad rap. Closely related to ginseng (which is in the panax genus), it was considered one of if not the most powerful healing herb by Northwest natives. ...quite true, weedwacker. The proper dosage for using Devil’s Club for ferrets is 5 drops, twice a day, 12 hours apart. Add it to a 50:50 mixture of A/D and water, slightly warmed. Most ferrets dive right in, and look for more. You hear that, Cpt.?? [ 05-01-2002, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: Son of Caveman ]

While I'm a firm believer in using poles these days, I find the prices a nuisance. To combat this retail bloodletting I've been using just the snow baskets attached to a nice, straight piece of Devil's Club. Not only is it inexpensive (read free) and strong, but it also gives me a nice, non-slip grip. ...one other note; there's a high concentration of alcohol in Devil's Club. If pressed, one may make an incision and party down.

I've found that drinking excessively and walking on hot beds of coals, contribute mightily to foot toughness. I'm now able to run barefoot across scree and talus, no problemo. So much for the shoe debate.