[TR] Zieg-ion! - TouchMyStones Wall 4/4/2012

ivan · April 11, 2012

Trip: Zieg-ion! - TouchMyStones Wall

Date: 4/4/2012

Trip Report:

so jesus-fuck, there we were, smack-the-fawk-dab in u-tard, one qualified success under our belt after space-splooge , and my lawyer n' me still w/ a good 3 days or so of fine weather and fuck-all to do but drink small-beer and oggle mushroom-white honkazoids amidst the yuppie-coffee bars of...uh...uh...that 'daletardia just outside the zion park gates - seemed only right to get after it a bit more before crawling back to vantucky in a beer-frenzy

we'd slept poorly that last night on the earth orbit ledge, had suffered cruelly at the thorn-points of many a cacti on the descent, eaten big at the drunken monkey, drunk deep from the Keg of Glory soon thereafter, and howled at the moon whilst chain-smoking in the deep desert of the coal wash pit, all of which conspired to have us waking up a good bit late on wendsday morning - i managed to rise early enough, sans brain-ache, to read "the proud tower" in my fart-sack, fist-deep in red-powder, amidst the roar of roadies and the omnipresent breeze - geoff tarried, so i went off to birth a brown-baby boy in the nearby brush, then breakfasted on stale, yet soggy, pizza bread and watered-down burgundy, craw full of camels throughout

anyone who know's geoff n' his swank house-in-the-hillz (w/ the neverending knock-list of needy engineers) knows his Deep Need for regular lawya-work, so i couldn't hardly complain when he called a Work-Morning - i satisfied myself w/ sangria, packing for our next wall, 'whilst he Set To It in the Enlightened Citadel of the Mind - i especially liked how he didnt' switch out of his painter-pants nor his aid-nerd knee pads 'forehand:)

managing not to get pinched by the po-po for a peck of social improprieties in the parking lot as geoff served the Greater Good, we were ready to get started soon thereafter- had to settle for the Proletariat's Propane-Powered Purveyor as we'd passed April Fools Day, so ended up at the touchstone wall well afternoon, figuring to be behind a herd of whoever-s, but still able to fix up 3 pitches for a 1-day ascent the day after

that's about what we got - fear-frenzy, free-radical inspired on the free-taxi, gear gripped n' tight-lipped word free-for-all - the angel's landing, tongue-numb w/ intoxicant, the Hard Approach - heeeeeeaaaat in the sun - not hard at all to talk geoff into the bolt-ladder bit so i could blaze my way to glory on the p2 pitch

2 ruskaya devushkas were well up the route already, at the end of 2 it looked like, as geoff set off

i hid in the shade w/ my smokes and iced-sangria, wilting in the strong heat, but soon enough a Mighty Wind sprung up, and geoff finished, and i stashed of all in the stuff sacks, and started up - at the belay, i gibbered in goobly-gook for the gear, got my goods, and gamboled off - a bolt ladder to to bolt traverse to funky overhanging pin w/ a good cam to back it up

the c2 crux of the cookie, i glared at it for a bit until i Saw it Clearly, then w/ a funky face-nut i stepped high and Had My Way W/ It - from there it was a quick bit of crack-jugging to an intermediate belay - the belorussian beyotches still hadn't cleared the belay above, despite our desperately retarded speed, so i figured to short-fix from here

short fixing as the femmes fire up the first bit of p3

at the top of 2, we still had plenty of time and space enough it looked to continue - geoff setout, a 1/2 pitch behind, figuring we'd just end up fixing from the top of 3

as the heliod heeled over in its drunken fall from far-heaven, i gazed upwards w/ wonder at the white throne, cumdraggled in cream and crimson streaks

while waiting i wore away at my lungs, laughing, lounging about sans bosun's chair, lashing my 3rd etrier to my hindquarters to hold me up and spare me heels - the russkiyas precipated their aptly named aiders, and geoff an unneeded tricam in a c1 crack, giving us treasure to try for after the down-turn

eventually we fixed to the top of 3, and the chix to 3.5 - we shared Strong Drink and Strange Smoke and eventually were back on the big bus, spellbound and smiling - the scene of moon-up in the visitor center a nice touch

that night we sampled on grocery-store gorditas and turned in early, set on skunking the 'skayas by catching hte first shuttle

said plan met a simple fate, us up in the predawn by the purity of geoff's good sense, me sleep-wracked and simple at the First-Set hour, but still those good girls up somehow far earlier, and they at the base well before us - wierder still was the 2 miller lights on the ledge, left by intrepid explorers who'd mysteriously showed up unexplainable hours earlier, jugged the lines, and sampled the fine fare of the upper wall well in advance of us

ultimately we figured maybe we'd only made it to p2.5, so geoff got to get after it as i tried to warm up in the thin sun, puzzled by the lack of power it held in the presence of a pouring breeze

a good chance to take in the descent - from the obvious pedestal w/ the fixed line it's 2 full lenght 30 meter raps

"this shit is serious, son"

i'd paid my dues, and got-the-goods pretty much from there on out as geoff faded in the fury of a full-on gale that grew up in leaps and gusts, goaded on by a furious fire-in-the-sky, filtered by a fine-milk of moody cloud-murk

hard to state how hard-on holy-shit-pile powerful that pitch was - crack-fucking for fuck's sake - set 2 cams, a .75 and a #1 to each of your ladders n' jug away! a perfect uniformity that finds you, every 5 minutes, looking down a holy-fuck fall, finding a simple piece of pro to protect it all and power-on - geoff quickly followed

i was strictly stoked to get the rest from here - slapped on my free shoes and set out, intent to scramble fair up fuck-all that i could - hoot-hoot!!!

great pitch - simple as hell - mostly free, w/ some aid where i felt like keeping it simple - geoff was up right soon, and at this point a nice routine set in, w/ me making savage small talk w/ the russian left behind as my boy followed, and her girl galloped up

oh-me-forking-god, you think american white-bitches are crazy, check out how these girls lead only w/ 3 pieces, which must never be more than 5 feet from the first'un!

geoff cleanign up as i perched upon a pile of stacking piss

fine view, waiting for the route to clear up

you might notice i put a bit more by way of pro in this pitch great one though, right easy freeing w/ some mixed aid-moves to keep it reggae-friendly

the "5.8, no fun, squeeze" - bullshit, plenty of fun!

jumping jesus in a sequined-jumpsuit, from here on the howling wind whaled on us! a plateau and giant tree greets you at the top of this, the last serious ptich, w/ a simple sport bit above you, but the goddamn godawful gale had gathered its grandest power, and wind-blown grit and grisly cold hammered on me as i suffered, waiting to clear the girls and greet my lawya-boy - i set off lickety-split on maybe the funnest pitch, a buncha bolts up a steep-wall, smiff-like, w/ fine sand powder holding up the holy-shitiest thin patina making for holds on the outside

geoff aiding up as i hid in the full-sun, honkered down against the howling gale

not much time to sample the savage fruits of an alpinesque summit, 'specially seeing as how there were a bevy of friendly slavic chicks to cheer us up - no time to titter, i tumbled up quickly to reach the knife-ridge and rumble along to the first rap

big old bitch'n view of the eager space-shot wand a wee bit east

jesus christ, the whole view east a bit hard to hate on...

good girls on the throne

i thoroughly thrilled meself on the hoe-down - w/ 4 ropes between us, we rapped in sequences, me generally grabbing the free-cord and setting off on the sharp-end - good fun in the full-red powder, coating down the occasional free-scrambling bits between stations

just whatcha want on a way-down - fine female companionship of a curious sort - the conversations where you have barely half a clue if what's said is received - a stuck rope - paradise in a parched-gulf -ruminations on putin - privileged small-talk of the petty bourgeoisie - the last fumbled fuck-all rap - explosion into prickly darkness - a run to rack all up - the darkness upon us - the bus n' bottles of burgundy - pictures - part-truths - a zion symphony of sweet mental music

mexican food that night in the nocturnal desert - bullshit bathrooms - half-beer bullshit - bearish predictions of a friday, likely our last day before the big launch

we woke late again - coffeed n' alcoholed up, then crawled up to the slick-rock reign to have a go at ares butte - me on p3

wonderous rock after you've raped your cuticles good n' cluelessly!

keyhole canyon, whence we crawled after completing our summit, to complete our ambitious cirmcumnav...

amazing walk down - here me's below the last amazing bit, steep but set in ball-bearings, leading to low angle amble-fucking, in the right amazing sight of blasted bitter blocks, dessicated and dead, awaiting a dandy of an intellect to fit it all back together

i built us a cairn to creativity, cultivated by the alcohol of the common man

a fine walk back to captivity - fuck it, let's get the head down and heave back - i drink heavily as the good lawyer heals us westward and sets the spurs to her - we wax and wane, me waving weakly near night, waking in the icy dark - a savage sleep, chair-bound - iceclad windows at dawn - bunnies beware on the long road home - paranoia and pretensions - oregon pierced - the 26 temptation indulged from ontario on - brain candy and culture defined - death can not touch us, for we live like kings!!!

Gear Notes:

a bit more mayhap than needed - a single 5, 2 4 n' 3s, 3 2s-.5s, then 3 each of the small size cams plus a couple off-sets, a double-set of offset nuts, and a single set of small brass offsets - seem to recall could leave a half-set of nuts at home

brain-candy for the climbers soul

had feared this book for years but in the end think it buried "the guns of august" - who can't get excited about a history of anarchism? the dreyfusards? thomas reed? richard fucking strauss?!?

did you know even jesus was a free-thinker?!? :grin: