WANTED: HOT Rock Climbing Girlfriend

[WhippersAndTears]

Ladies, may I have your attention please! I am looking for a hot rock climbing girlfriend. But I do have some requirements. You have to be vegan and at least 73.52% raw. You must trad climb 5.11b, sport climb 5.12c and boulder v5. But you must never outclimb me, EVER! I mean it, I will dump you like a hot potato. You must be cool with living in a dirty van more or less for the rest of your life while we roadtrip around Canada, the USA and the world. You must not wear fancy clothes or makeup because that’s not what dirtbags do – unless of course it’s REST DAY, DRESS DAY. You must not flirt with crushers, ever! You must think I’m way, way cooler than Alex Honnold. Or at least say so. You must not work a dumb job or any job so we can climb basically all the time. You must be able to hand jam, fingerlock, ring lock, kneebar, knee jam, arm bar and butterfly stack. If you can’t butterfly stack, sorry, you’re not my soul mate! You must be able to pull a roof or wiggle up an offwidth with dignity and grace. You must give me an equal amount of belay time on projects – I do carry a stopwatch. You must climb hard all the time, and keep the psych high, even when you’re on the rag. And most importantly, you must never drop me off the end of the rope when you’re pissed at having to live up to all this dumb shit!

 

Jesse James

http://WhippersAndTears.com

[ivan]

i'll take any runners-up, if you please

[obwan]

Now you are sounding like Adam, when god told him I can make you a woman that can do it all and still be beautiful. And Adam said, man - what's that going to cost me? And god said, probably an Arm and a Leg. And Adam said, Jesus! That's a lot - what can I get for a Rib?

[olyclimber]