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[TR] Eagle Crick - Cascade Canyoneering 8/1/2015

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Trip: Eagle Crick - Cascade Canyoneering


Date: 8/1/2015


Trip Report:

take heed,good people and gentle folk true, i purpose not to frame pointless tales or throw around haphazardly high-praise like "truly epic," yet this wet day did reel off so wonderfully i reckon it woeful indeed not to pipe it to the high heavens that is was in fact just that - a sad time now, to think that it, like all days, great and small, must die away into dim memory and slouch off towards Bethlehem to be born w/ the rest of those bitter bastards...


the northwestern highly-evolved hominid must on some occasions make amends with hot days - days when the lack of air conditioning n' urban shade demand out-doors respite, to cool creeks and sunny sea-sides, to places where 17 1/2 years old doff their decent things and frolic freely for all to behold in the buff - fresh off from 3 days drifting about with the family 'twixt rainier and the olympic coast i returned to my teeming home in the late chill of evening to a proper invitation via email - eagle creek w/ them two white-boys, pinner-geoff n' whiskey-drunk bryan




the loves at troutdale at 9 - big-boys of pbr curiously more economical than the pretty little cans i found - the hms revenge soon on the scene, cruising into the shade, the dyanimic duo tucked inside - my new mule, jebediah, packed up in jiffy for the short jaunt out past the dam


a tide of humanity heaving its way into the parking lot, we take our turn, establish our presence and commence with sorting shit out - ropes - wet suits - harnesses - dry bags - beers - smokables - the other other 10 essentials - then we cast out down the trail like a gypsy-carnival cavorting our way up the easy hill, passing parcels of fools n' freaks n' females all rigged up to get their funk on in the pools ahead


after an hour of humping we stumble-slide-fuck ourselves down to the shoreline below a mighty waterfall n' put on our war-suits, pound pabsts, n' push off into the frigid stream w/o a pause - a plethora of river-styles quickly sorted through - you move through this 'mazing universe the way you please: via the crocodile style, piscine paddle, hominid hobble and all the seamless evolutionary shifts that went between over the eons


we peaked early this trip - too soon perhaps, but it gave me time to ponder over glory, and its the turning over of a thing in ones thinking-place that puts the mettle into the meat


we pass a pack and pairs of panties and i prophesize the future - two females we'll find ahead, the augurs are clear - they'll be proud in their birthday suits and doing things upon each other that words will be weak to evince, and soon it was upon us


good, good people - we could have put it to film but that would have poisoned the well and whipped the fates for their freely bestowed good graces - the world throws peaches into our pointless lives so infrequently, we must respect the power of good fortune, and fuck the rest


two nimble and sylvan sylphs, sweet sirens sans wardrobes, playfully prescient and pretending at coyness, we paddle on by and try not to Look into the Light Too Long - 4 lovely tatas, totally exposed to the world with wet drops rolling down their turgid, taut skin - their eyes pass languidly over us, and ours theirs - painful, really, to behold, like jabing a white-hot poker of pleasure into the raw meat of the mind - holy shit leroy, i've seen the rodeo at last and i ain't never leaving :)


time passes as the river itself, purging us of the pain this purgatory puts us to - every day i seem the same - mean and menacing to myself - angry and ambivalent, goaded and anxious in ever-tightening gyres - yet this day was sublime, all that stupid shit set aside me, the savage sun tamed by the sweetness of my fellow mammals n' their fine mammaries - nothing can take this memory from me, and please may it be so :)


and so the day went in a world of wet pleasure - jumping off cliffs, laughing like jumped-up jazz musicians, heavy with head-medicine, making our way down a meandering creek encrusted with shade and light and ferns and drips and pools and boulders and all the bricabrack thrown down the river to collect in this green-tinted basement of time


the rappel below the punchbowl like punching into the jurasic from just above - hooting like hopped-up monkeys, we make our barbaric yawps from the great gutter of the gorge - my brain filled with balming influences, stripped of suffering and pointless pretension, set free, free, free, free.....


too soon these things pass, and soon then geoff come to grips with his dinner-plan in peril, infecting the crew with crude purpose - we've finished the last of the beers, so no reason not to put the whole thing behind us and rush to the exits - we regain the trail and pad down slowly behind a prancing pair of lovely ladies - too soon it's the car and the scorching heat and the godawful-grim consequences passed down to us by those cluster-fucked ancient ancestors who so unwisely left the sea


stay in the water, sweet people, and you will see too in short order i promise :)




geoff goes huge


bastards on the beach


punch drunk luv




he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man :)


straight to grinder, ye ghey-love child concocted of the love-slurry of marvin gaye, john denver, evil keenivil n' neil diamond :)




Gear Notes:

2 8 mm 60s

life jacket


72 ounces of pbr


Approach Notes:

up eagle creek w/ the cousins about an hour or so with plenty of pinners n' talk about our native heritage

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Pics coming soon! Can't upload from my phone. Still can't believe those tatas and that flaming van.


pix in - couldn't bring meself to describe the on-the-way-home horror of a family van burnt to the waterline setting the whole i84 roadside alight :noway:

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not quite so hot nor the water so high as it twas near 2 years ago today - not nearly so many naked nipples neither, n' that was the biggest shame of all :(


still, a decent descent w/ the ever-bickering silverman boys, poor kyle i'm afeared mighta thought he was sold a bill of goods, but there were some good laughs too to go w/ all the half-assed lurching 'n crocodile stumbling that this sort of canyoneering seems to consist of :)


one of them white boys left his last can of beer up the crick there, should you wanna wander back up it to work on your hawkeye drunk, maybe talk about your aquatic heritage? :P

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