Joke for AlpineK (the arborist extraordinaire

[allthumbs]

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them.

 

The beech says to the birch: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

 

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

 

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.

 

He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in!"

[freeclimb9]

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar when a

fellow walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell

sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So he walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

"Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smartass? I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis."

[freeclimb9]

I have a kid now . . . at least until his parents pay the ransom.

[freeclimb9]

As I've Matured...

 

I've learned that you cannot make

someone love you. All you can do is

stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

 

I've learned that no matter how much I care,

some people are just assholes.

 

I've learned that it takes years

to build up trust, and it only takes

suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

 

I've learned that you can get by

on charm for about fifteen minutes.

After that, you'd better have a big willy

or huge boobs.

 

I've learned that you shouldn't

compare yourself to others - they are

more screwed up than you think.

 

I've learned that you can keep vomiting

long after you think you're finished.

 

I've learned that we are responsible

for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

 

I've learned that regardless of

how hot and steamy a relationship is at

first, the passion fades, and there had better

be a lot of money to take its place!

 

I've learned that 99% of the time when

something isn't working in your house, one of our

kids did it

 

I've learned that the people you care most

about in life are taken from you too soon

and all the less important ones just never

go away.

[AlpineK]

Thanks for the joke Trask!

 

I'll see you guys later I'm off for a week in The Ditch.

 

[ 09-20-2002, 05:48 PM: Message edited by: AlpineK ]