The cc.com of....

[tomtom]

This reminds me that I should check snopes.com to see if there is or ever was a company selling rapture insurance..

 

 

Company Offers Rapture Insurance for Nervous Christians

 

ARMAGEDDON, GA- By now everyone has surely seen this bumper sticker. That's some clever stuff. It's not just roll-on-the-floor, so-funny-'cause-it's-true, Calvin-peeing-on-a-Toyota-logo sort of funny, either. It brings up an important issue that many Christian-Americans are blithely ignoring. According to evangelical scholars, the end times are fast approaching, even faster than they were fifty years ago, and that means that a roadway filled with hundreds of driverless cars careening across lanes of traffic at 70 miles per hour could soon be a very bloody [and costly] reality.

 

In the aftermath of the Great Ascension, the unclean sinners who remain will be keen to place liability squarely on the shoulders of the righteous, bleeding their wayward loved ones dry of what fortunes remain.

 

That's where rapture insurance comes in.

 

Mammon Enterprises, providers of fundamentalist financial products as well as Christian-themed bumper stickers, has branched out once again into the area of personal liability. Rapture insurance compensates policy holders for damages caused by Rapture-related disappearances, dissipations, and heavenly ascensions.

 

"For traditional conservative Christians, this new insurance product is a load off their minds," said Mammon president Jerry B. Jenkins. "Once you no longer have to worry about your coverage, you can concentrate on the true purpose of the rapture- looking down from heaven on your horrified neighbors as they scramble to atone for their sins."

 

Many people who bear this delightfully mirthful sticker on their bumper already believe that they are covered in such an event. However industry experts say that this confidence is not only baseless but dangerous as well.

 

"Traditional insurance does not cover vehicular liability in case of Rapture just as homeowners policies usually omit coverage of flood damage," said Althea Thoon, spokesperson for the Insurance Association of America.

 

"A quick check of your policy will confirm this," said Thoon. "But it's highly likely that the second coming of Jesus Christ and the divine judgment of all mankind would probably fall under the category of 'act of God' and therefore be uncovered."

 

In much the same way that misinformed families lost their homes and savings to raging flood waters each spring, the Rapture could bring posthumous financial ruin for millions of the faithful.

 

In another boon for the company, several Southern states have begun considering new public safety legislation to make rapture insurance mandatory for all drivers in addition to the minimal vehicle insurance they are already required to carry.

 

In such a scenario, Jenkin's company could grow at close to one million percent in the next six to twelve months. Even though that could mean trillions of dollars in claims on a single day, Jenkins says the company has every intention of making good on its commitments to its departing clientele.

 

As innovative as the idea may be, some potential customers have balked at the idea, concerned that the company's church-going adjusters will be taken up on the Gospel Ship along with them and won't be around to handle their claim.

 

However, Jenkins insists that there is nothing to worry about. All insurance is a matter of faith, he contents, and therefor subject to strict literal interpretation. "How do we know for sure that our agents will be available when the Lord comes to take us home? They're all jews."

 

[lizard_brain]

[minx]

ummm i don't have words for that. you are scaring me

 

You are scaring me!

 

you're both scarring me...emotionally. make the yucky religion discussion stop.

[Bug]

 

No.

Jesus loves you.

It's the rest of us that think you're an asshole.