For Sale - First Ascent

[hoppity]

Have you always wanted a FA of a great route but don't have time to scope, scrub, bolt etc...?

 

Now you can have those bragging rights more efficiently through The ROUTE GUYS Inc.

 

We'll do the background work, give you the beta and all you gotta do is climb it, name it and smile.

 

We offer:

your medium of choice: trad, sport, alpine.

choose conservatively protected or spicy runouts

single or multipitch

slab? face? crack? - we got it all (off-widths extra)

 

for a small additional fee you could:

specify star-rating of route.

choose your aspect, sunny south or brooding north walls

 

Think of the fame you'll receive, the admiration of your family and friends.

 

It's easier than you think. routes starting from $400.

 

Contact the ROUTE GUYS Inc. today.

[Mos_Chillin]

 

I'll take the siiiick 11+ trad for $400, Bob!

 

Please include preplaced and tested climb topo of placemenents on route, as well as any key beta.

You better have a guy to help me with the name too, for that price!

 

Hey, wait! Have you already climbed this?

[hoppity]

nope, u get to climb it first, we just hang on top rope. guaranteeed!

 

can even take close-up pics of the crux holds for ya!

 

:-)

[dt_3pin]

Have you found yourself so busy spraying about bolting ethics that you don't have the time to rap in, chop dem fuckers, fill holes, etc.?

 

Now you can have the bragging rights more efficiently through THE CHOPPER GUYS, INC.

 

We'll do all the hard work, you bask in the glow of your superior ethics.

 

We chop:

Sport, retro-bolted trad, and alpine clip ups.

We can yank specific bolts, or we can fuck them all up.

Choose your style: rock-damaging rage, smashed hanger, or our uber-heady "leave no trace" hole-fill.

 

For an extra fee we will beat up retro-bolters, take your lumps if we accidentally chop a legit rig, or lay the blame on an innocent party.

 

Recieve a 10% discount when chopping The ROUTE GUYS' crap jobs.

 

Also, check out our "Infinite Blisscount" for those (((special))) routes.

 

Think of the infamy and spraydoration you'll recieve.

 

It's easier than you think. Chopping starts at $420.

 

Chop Less, Spray More with THE CHOPPER GUYS

Edited August 31, 2006 by dt_3pin

[Mos_Chillin]

I got your rep:

[hoppity]

 

hmmm, special routes...

[cstemley]

If you could just leave a little tat someplace obscure, with my name on it, and a fake date would that be full price? and what about a few rusty button heads? with a little bivy site? OH DON'T TELL ANYONE !!!!

[G-spotter]

I'll pay $400 if you guys bolt and prep the Zorro Wall on Hozameen for me

[DirtyHarry]

Have you always wanted a FA of a great route but don't have time to scope, scrub, bolt etc...?

 

Now you can have those bragging rights more efficiently through The ROUTE GUYS Inc.

 

We'll do the background work, give you the beta and all you gotta do is climb it, name it and smile.

 

We offer:

your medium of choice: trad, sport, alpine.

choose conservatively protected or spicy runouts

single or multipitch

slab? face? crack? - we got it all (off-widths extra)

 

for a small additional fee you could:

specify star-rating of route.

choose your aspect, sunny south or brooding north walls

 

Think of the fame you'll receive, the admiration of your family and friends.

 

It's easier than you think. routes starting from $400.

 

Contact the ROUTE GUYS Inc. today.

 

That's funny and all but there's some dude in Ontario or some shit that actually has a business like this.