Memories: Air Aaron OR How route names are bestowed

[mikeadam]

Hey Rocky watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat...

Ahhhhh nostalgia began to sink in this dreary evening and I decided to start a topic of no particular value. Aren't they all?

Aaron takes a grounder:

About 6 years ago the ambivalent Captain Caveman, this New Jersey spud named Carlos Toastie, and myself went climbing at Fossil Rock AKA- Chossil Rockfall. Toastie was a young soldier who asked us if we would teach him how to climb. Being somewhat mean spirited we agreed to take him, promising him that climbing was absolutely safe, and that he would have the time of his life. I think the real goal was to get Toastie wicked scared- trembling with Elvis leg while we kicked back and laughed our asses off at his expense. You see, even back then something was not quite right with us.

As a sort of disclaimer let me mention also that climbing at Fossil was about our only choice. Mainly because we were all stationed at Ft Lewis, partially because our transpo situation was a serious bummer. Cavie had a broken down VW camper bus (which he later traded for a beer--but that's another story) I had a working Datsun POS for short range travel. Unless my then *boss* Rebecca gave me the Honda we had to settle for short range objectives. This was one of those days.

 

We alternately loathed and praised Fossil. Loathed it when we could climb somewhere else. Praised it when we could get there for 3 hours of isolated cragging after last formation. We did in fact sense that at any moment huge chunks of rock would peel off that slag heap, cold shuts would fail, and we would all end up maimed for life. RMI guides who fearlessly scaled Little Tahoma came to Fossil and spoke in hushed and reverent tones under the decaying crags. According to Curt Gibson, who we knew only as Lucky, biting black flies and crumbly holds were all part of the adventure. Also if Jim Y put the routes up they had to be good right? RIGHT???

Anyway back to the story...

As we were gearing up for another run up Tomahawk tower via the then overgraded route "Mr Meanie AKA Mrs. Weanie" two other climbers arrived. I can't remember the girls name, but I think she was the girlfriend of one of the Backslackers Supply guys and the guys name I never remembered until I looked in the Fossil Rock guidebook years later.

When they stopped to talk we gave them our traditional sprayfest of unclear and contradictory "beta", designed to create hysteria and consternation in our fellow *Fossilites*. I clearly remember the guy saying he was going to lead "WC Crack" which was graded 5 easy, had bolts, and swallowed cams that even a gumby like me could slam in with no problem. So they headed off while we began the Toastie torture session.

So anyway, as it turns out Toastie is actually not half bad, exhibited little fear but a little Elvis leg, and before we knew it all 3 of us were standing around on the top of the tower wishing we had some endo to pass around like "normal" climbers.

When lo and behold we see homie walking down from the top of the the crag to the undeveloped section immediately above the climb he was going to lead. Not only was that slope steep and grass covered (read slick as snot), but the runout was like a 120 foot vertical grounder. It sort of got our attention that sliceage would be strolling over there with the rope coiled around his not too buff chest.

Well, for my part I'm thinking out loud something along the lines of "What's that retard doing?" Cavies sort of getting this feeding frenzy look on his face, and Toastie is acting like we just scaled the fricking Eiger or something.

About 1 minute later as we blankly stared off at Rainier we heard this tremendously interesting sound. Sort of like someone riding their bike full speed into a brick wall and then bouncing around on the ground a few times. There were a few "Ughs! and Whoofs! thrown in for good measure. Then dead silence for about 5 Veeeeeerrrryyyyy long seconds.

"Guys! OH GUYS!@!!!" the girls panicked voice wafted over from around the other side of the crag. "Can you come over here QUICK?!!!!" Ah fuck I thought...rescue...now we won't have time to climb Maple Pro!!

Nonetheless we instantly started rigging the rap station and shifted into military mode with everyone preassigned a job once we came upon the carnage we felt we were sure to find. I assigned myself body recovery although everyone else seemed really keen to do it themselves. Infantry life does wierd things to people. We rapped off in quicktime and soon found ourselves padding along the trail to the other side of the crag.

I was expecting to see a mangled body laying at the bottom of the face, but instead found Homie sitting in the bush at the base of the route in the Indian position holding his side. He seemed alright! What the hell I'm thinking as I glanced up to the top of the cliff.

So just as Toastie and Cavey come hustling around the corner the dude begins to explain that he was going to DOWNCLIMB loose chossy 5th class to set a toprope instead of leading the climb itself. I sort of scrunched up my forehead at that point as I began to have visions of the real meaning of the word "GENE POOL".

Guy explains that he was in the middle of downclimbing when the handhold he was on broke off. He tried to grab another, but it too came off in his hand in a sort of ridiculous comic book sort of way. He said something about gravity and acceleration, but then the girl broke in saying he bounced off the lower angle section of the cliff twice and then came to a *sudden* halt right at her feet. All without rolling down the disturbingly steep slope below.

I asked if he was OK and he said he was fine. Not a scratch on him, just a little freaked was all. The fall he took was at LEAST an 80 footer.

Before anyone else could get another word out Captain Cavey said the best one liner I've ever heard.

CAVEY: "Dude, you should play the lottery RIGHT NOW"

And that was that. Toastie NEVER climbed again, and we eventually moved on to bigger and better things never returning to Fossil again.

Years later I noted in the revised Fossil guidebook that there was a climb directly to the right of WC Crack called Air Aaron. Took me a second, but then I realized that Aaron was the guys name, and he had bolted a new line there in rememberence of his lottery day at Fossil Rock.

Some people have all the luck.

Mike Adamson

[This message has been edited by mikeadam (edited 05-28-2001).]

[Lambone]

Nice story.

It scares me that anyone dumb enough to fall off a cliff setting up a toprope can use a bosch.

[Retrosaurus]

You just figuring that out? The truth is that only some one dumb enough to fall off setting up a toprope would bosch a route.

[Cpt.Caveman]

The killer memories of a shitty place. Aaron if you are out there let me know how that lottery ticket did you?? IS that how you got your bosch??

[pope]

Great story Mike. Fossil is where I learned that my Honda Civic was capable of rally-style driving, when I used to follow Mike Massey's Suzuki Samari through the brush and around that gate. I pushed it too far when I tried to get a run for a gravel run-off diversion bar on the way to Twin Sisters. Stupid kids.

[Cpt.Caveman]

I read about the naming of the Konehead route in the newest Nelson book. Now that is pretty classic too Bummer the guy never did attempt Willis Wall....