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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

 

Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

 

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

 

Kinnay!

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