midafternoon joke break

[knotzen]

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?

 

The cold shoulder. With a side of .

[Ireneo_Funes]

So what happened with the skeleton and his beer?

[TREETOAD]

I love those whateveritis walks into a bar jokes.

..so finish your joke now...

[TREETOAD]

A girafe walks into a bar and says "The highballs are on me"

[catbirdseat]

Duck walks into a bar, jumps up on the barstool and says, "got any duck food?".

 

Bartender says, "no we don't have any duck food. We don't serve your kind. We have beer, wine and whiskey. Now get out of here, before I nail your bill to the bar!"

 

The duck waddles out.

 

Next day the duck comes back in, jumps up on the barstool and says, "got any nails?".

 

Bartender says, "no we ain't got any nails".

 

Duck says, "Got any duck food?"

[TREETOAD]

Did you here about the cannibal that passed his friend in the desert?

[TREETOAD]

How about the russian that went off in the woods with a couple of yanks?

[knotzen]

So what happened with the skeleton and his beer?

That was the joke, in its entirety. C'est tout, c'est fini!

 

The thought of a skeleton drinking a beer was supposed to be funny. I guess.

 

Anyway, next?

[knotzen]

Reasons to Allow Drinking at Work

 

The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol.

 

1. It's an incentive to show up.

 

2. It reduces stress.

 

3. It leads to more honest communications.

 

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

 

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

 

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

 

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

 

8. It encourages carpooling.

 

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.

 

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

 

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

 

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

 

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

 

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

 

15. If something does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.

[knotzen]

A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint of beer please."

 

The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I can't serve you."

 

"Why not?" askes the brain.

 

"You're already out of your head."

[knotzen]

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here."

 

One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

[Ireneo_Funes]

Unbelievably, my boss has been bringing in beer (and popsicles?!?) for the office every Friday for the last few weeks.

[tomtom]

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

 

 

 

 

Beer nuts are $1.69.

 

Deer nuts are under a buck.

[catbirdseat]

Unbelievably, my boss has been bringing in beer (and popsicles?!?) for the office every Friday for the last few weeks.

My boss used to let us keep a sixer in the walk-in cold room in the lab. At 4:30 pm, three of four of us would proceed to his office for some "juice".

[TREETOAD]

A guy walks into his bedroom one night with a goose under his arm and looks at his wife lying in bed and says "This is the pig I F**k when you have a headache. The wife looks at the man with disdain and says, "You idiot thats not a pig that is a goose". The man replies "I am talking to the goose"

[dkemp]

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "Hey pal, why the long face?"

[dkemp]

A grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender pours him a beer and says "You know, we have a drink named after you." Grasshopper says, (jewish accent is best here) "You have a drink named Irving?"

Edited September 28, 2005 by dkemp

[dkemp]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender pours him a beer and says, "Here ya go pal, and for you (everybody say it with me) no charge."

Edited September 28, 2005 by dkemp

[dkemp]

Uh, yeah, thats all I got.

[Dru]

lol

[nonanon]

A snowboarder, an AT skier and a telemarker all walk into a bar.

The bartender sez: "What is this, a joke?"

[knelson]

So what happened with the skeleton and his beer?

That was the joke, in its entirety. C'est tout, c'est fini!

 

The thought of a skeleton drinking a beer was supposed to be funny. I guess.

 

Anyway, next?

 

Wait wait wait... let's not move on so quickly here. So you repeat a joke here - that's not funny - that you don't really get yourself - and try to pawn it off as a "joke?" What is this, a joke? Oh.... I get it now.

 

Very subtle. I have underestimated you...

[TREETOAD]

A blind guy walks into a bar and starts knocking stuff off of tables with his cane. The bartender asks him if he can help him and the blind guys replies, "Na I'm just looking around"

[knotzen]

Very subtle. I have underestimated you...

 

Are you saying I'm a better sprayer than you thought I was?

 

Yipppeeee!

 

And BTW, no bones about it, the joke *was* sort of funny. It just needed to be fleshed out a bit.

[knotzen]

A blind guy walks into a bar and starts knocking stuff off of tables with his cane. The bartender asks him if he can help him and the blind guys replies, "Na I'm just looking around"

That reminds me of cemeteries--where dead people live.