A LONG list of why the Navy is so cool

[Dutch]

 

>REASONS WHY: "I AM STAYING NAVY:

>1. Yesterday sucked, today sucked, tomorrow is going to suck, and

>this

>seems to be a pretty solid forecast for the rest of my enlistment.

>2. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year training

>for

>something that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never do.

>3. WWWDWOA? (what would we do without acronyms?)

>4. Taking simple daily tasks and breaking them down into nuclear

>physics before doing them.

>5. Having to attend a brief prior to carrying out any task more

>complicated than picking my nose.

>6. Being a personal servant (that's basically all I am) to any one of

>the 300 thousand people in the navy who out-rank me.

>7. Being a grown man and having somebody inspecting me everyday to

>make

>sure I shaved, put my clothes on properly, and put my shoes on the right

>feet.

>8. Where else would I have the chance to be stuck on a ship with a

>couple hundred people in the middle of nowhere for six months at a time?

>9. Standing "watch."

>10. Being guaranteed at least two hours of sleep for every 24 hour period

>of time.

>11. Getting relieved late after standing watch for four hours with a

>bullet-proof vest on, a 20lb helmet, and a 20lb rifle in the middle of a

>typical Floridian summer day.

>12. Having to wear a "cover," or hat, every time I want to go outside.

>13. I love cleaning the same places over and over and over until either

>the

>paint comes off or my hands are bleeding.

>14. I couldn't live without having to write a "request-chit" to do

>anything

>other than breathe or wipe my ass, only to have it disapproved and turned

>down with a lame ass reason as to why they turned it down.

>15. Where else do you get the chance to spend every night in a bed the

>size

>of a shelf in a typical closet?

>16. Without the navy's influence and good teaching, I would never have

>realized that you can sweep water with a broom for hours every time it

>rains.

>17. There just isn't that many jobs out there where you can rest assured

>that everyone you work for is just waiting to screw you over any way they

>possibly can.

>18. If I got out, I would surely miss the idea of waking up every morning

>for "muster."

>19. Standing duty.

>20. If you really want to have fun in life the best way is to go live on a

>ship all year round even when it is in port, and only go visit your

>relatives and friends back home once or twice a year, after begging for

>three months for your boss to let you go and rescheduling your trip 3 times

>to fit the ship's schedule.

>21. Knowing what words like "scuttlebutt" and "bulkhead" actually mean.

>22. Getting to wear civilian clothes whenever I am not on the ship.

>23. Getting to eat meat that comes in boxes labeled " not fit for human

>consumption" and "for institutional use only."

>24. Where else would you have the chance to be out at sea for 38 days

>straight, about ten miles off the coast of the Virgin Islands and not pull

>into a port once? What really made that great was that the captain told us

>we were going to pull in every week, then we never did. It is really good

>for your mental health to be strung-along like that.

>25. Getting "random" drug tests every couple of weeks. I was "randomly"

>picked for every test for almost two years straight. Not many people can

>testify to taking about 50 drug tests in the past two years without having

>ever been caught doing drugs in my life.

>26. Waking up every morning and going to "quarters" where a piece of paper

>is read to me even though it is posted on the wall and on the ships

>internet, both of which I have access to. I guess I can't read.

>27. Blowing compressed air throughout every crack and

>dust/dirt/asbestos/germ filled crevice in a space with no ventilation and

>spending the rest of the day in that space. Preferably, the space would be

>filled with dust and dirt that has been building up for at least 20 years.

>28. Going to medical complaining of severe heart and chest pain after

>completing REASON #27, and being told to come back during "sick-call" the

>next day.

>29. Wearing the same uniform as an auto-mechanic and having to iron it

>everyday and get a new one every time it gets a stain on it so that you are

>inspection-ready.

>30. I love the fact that my opinion has about as much influence as my

>sister's pet iguana's. The only opinions that matter come from people

>wearing khakis.

>31. Because no matter how much I hate my job, I have to respectfully

>request to get a different one. Even then it is only if my "chain of

>command" permits.

>32. You do not have to respect the person, you have to respect what they

>wear on their collar.

>33. I love living in a room with 180 other guys; half of which cannot lift

>a toilet seat to piss and don't have a clue what a shower is for.

>34. Having the bedroom, showers, and toilettes for the above listed 180

>guys in one stinky room.

>35. I hate sleeping. Go Navy ! Yeah f*cking right.

>36. I love the fact that the military wonders why we have so many people

>around the world that hate our country. I am sure that us being bullies

>and

>telling the world what they can and cannot do, then ignoring those rules

>ourselves has nothing to do with it

>37. I hate good food.

>38. I love the " you are U.S. ambassadors" speech.

>39. I hate spending time with my family.

>40. Not only getting to do my own job, but getting stuck with as many

>collateral duties as my chain of command wants to give me.

>41. "SWEEPERS, SWEEPERS, MAN YOUR BROOMS. GIVE THE SHIPA CLEAN SWEEP DOWN

>FORE AND AFT. SWEEP DOWN ALL LOWER DECKS, LADDER-BACKS AND PASSAGEWAYS.

>TAKE ALL TRASH TO RECEPTICLES PROVIDED ON THE PIER. NOW SWEEPERS"

>42. Having to change your computer password every two weeks to keep

>terrorists from hacking into our email or printing PQS or even playing a

>innocent game of solitaire.

>43. Having a "PQS"(personnel qualification standard) for any job you might

>have to do more complicated than itching your nuts.

>44. I love the fact that you get paid more if you have more kids to take

>care of. I call it the "crack-head reproduction incentive." This

>encourages

>thousands of young sailors less mature than most ten-year olds to have as

>many kids as possible.

>45. There just aren't many fields to work in where adultery is considered

>to be a good thing to put on your eval.

>46. Because no-one outside of the navy speaks our particular brand of

>english. Try explaining how you swabbed the deck on the forecastle(but

>only

>the slick-deck), while field daying. And how the head was OOC so you had

>to

>get water for the cadillac from the scuttlebutt, but seaman Jones was

>sky-larking so you had to put him on report...I mean Whiskey Tango Foxtrot:

>it's enough to make you say FTN.

>47. I want a job that will not allow me to go home and see the birth of my

>child. I think that it would be cool to have four kids and not see any of

>their births.

>48. Hey, at least you can retire from the navy in twenty years. When you

>get out you can go work at a company with a former third class that you

>treated like shit, only difference from then and now is that he will be

>your

>boss.

>49. When you get out you will only be 38-40. You still have your entire

>life ahead of you. Yeah, okay, I want my life to start at 38.

>50. I like to watch the same movies over and over for six months straight

>because that is the only form of entertainment I have.

>51. "Excuse me, I noticed that you have exceptionally large shit-stains on

>your underwear...would you like to do our laundry together?

>52. What? You are going on leave? You better go and shave before you

>leave this ship.

>53. Oh, look...There's the boss. We better all stand at attention until

>he

>tells us we can move. Do they do that in the civilian world too?

>54. Is that local time or Zulu?

>55. I want to work somewhere that has total control of my paycheck so that

>they can take half if I mess up.

>56. If I get in trouble out in town I would like to get woken up the next

>day at 6 am and have to stand in front of my boss, manager, assistant

>manager, and anyone else who has nothing better to do so that they can all

>chew my ass.

>57. Please seclude me from the outside world for six months; I want no

>news, no sports, and no word from home because you cut off my e-mail.

>Thank

>you, may I have another?

>58. Can we be tested to make sure we are physically-fit every six months,

>only please make exceptions to this for enormously fat 30+ year old first

>classes and above.

>59. "Sorry guys, the fog is too heavy for us to pull in. I guess we'll

>have to just anchor out and look and the basin all night.

>60. It's always fun to try and explain what a Petty Officer is to

>civilians(those not affiliated with the military(i.e. 99.5% of the

>population.) The literal meaning: Petty: of small importance or

>consequence; trifling, trivial. Officer: a person appointed to a position

>of authority or command in the armed forces. So someone who commands

>something of small importance? Not only that but you get to have grades of

>Petty Authority. Petty Authority Second Class or Third Class. How much

>importance can that actually have?

>61. Where else can you pay taxes to pay your own paycheck?

>62. You take an oath to support and defend the Constitution, and after

>that

>the Constitution doesn't even apply to you.

>63. We spend weeks honing our skills at making our ship air-tight and then

>when it rains water gets in.

>64. Because only during magic shows and navy working hours are the rules

>of

>logic suspended.

>65. Because no-matter how stupid you are, you will eventually get promoted

>by accumulating points for not getting promoted.

>66. Because where else can you get your teeth drilled and fucked up

>whether

>they need it or not ?

>67. I like constantly fighting the gravitational pull from leaning 10

>degrees one way ALL the time.

>68. I like getting my mail two months late.

>69. Nothing beats being told that you can't email your family and friends,

>unless you wear a tan belt. Again Go Navy...f*ck that too.

>70. Where else can you get given shots by people who claim to practice

>medicine that didn't even graduate from high school, and can't even

>pronounce the name of the drug that they are injecting you with?

>71. Because if you've had enough military bullshit for one lifetime and

>you

>want to quit, you can rest assured that the navy will do everything it can

>to fuck you over for the rest of your life.

>72. Because it's fun to go to medical to get your eye checked out and have

>the corpsman point a light in your eye for ten minutes until you are blind

>and then to hear them say, "that was cool, let's try the other one."

>73. Why did our parents even bother giving us first names?

>74. IN what other job can you do things NOT the RIGHT WAY, but the NAVY

>WAY?

>75. Sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day long until about 4:00pm,

>even though I finished all of my work by ten in the morning is really fun

>to

>do every FUCKING DAY...it builds character.

>76. Where else does the Super Bowl Halftime Show incorporate five-minute

>long commercials about suicide prevention and "Name that State" trivia?

>77. Who really wants to have any control over their life anyway?

>78. I want to eat nothing but fish and/or chicken and rice as the main

>course of every meal for six months straight.

>79. After I work diligently for twenty years at the same job I want to get

>promoted to the statues of "chief" so that I can share an office with 30

>other people that is called the "goat locker." Preferably, this office will

>not have a view.

>80. Because though the Navy's policy is sought to be followed by all in

>the

>Navy, yet the Spruance policy can overide the Navy's policy at the blink of

>an eye. Example: Milpersman says this, Spruance says that...Lets go with

>the

>Spruance one...

>81.Here's an idea...Lets go to work at 7:00 am, get underway at 4:00pm,

>keep

>working until we have a General Quarters Drill at 1000pm that lasts until

>midnight or 1:00 in the morning. Then we can wait in line to take our

>showers in the nasty ass shower stalls and go to sleep for maybe 3 hours

>just to get up and do the same exact thing the next day.

>82. Lets run a General Quarters Drill and then tell the crew that they

>can't take a shower afterwards...what the fuck is that shit???????

>83.GO NAVY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No Don't....Go To College.....

>84. Flight Quarters for 11 hours straight.

>82.Put some of these reasons in the Navy commercials with the Godsmack

>music

>and see how many people the Navy suckers in then.

>83.Sweating your ass of for 10 hours on a working party, then collapse and

>go to medical and having them tell you your not hydrated enough even though

>all potable water is secured.

>84.

>

[scott_harpell]

shit. that sucks.

[Dutch]

I think that the original author of this is a bit of a whiner....But I thought it brought up alot of good reasons to go to college. Most of it is very true.

[allthumbs]

I'd say the author's a cunt.

[glacierdog]

Ya, that guy whines too much. "If we didn't bully the rest of the world.." Besides, some of us get lucky when we choose orders.... Still don't have a date of departure, brotha.

[Wopper]

No shit. Quit your whining. What did you expect when you signed up?

[Dutch]

I have no doubt that the guy who wrote this is one of my Sickcall Warriors....You know the guy who is sick more than at work....He needs to relize that bullying the rest of the world is what keeps us in buisness....war is a GOOD thing.

Although you cant argue the cleaning statments...when I get out I think I will say fuck the medical field and become a Janitor....I know Glacierdog and I both can strip and wax a floor in record time.

[Scott_J]

[when I get out I think I will say fuck the medical field and become a Janitor....I know Glacierdog and I both can strip and wax a floor in record time.

 

Hell yes, there are certain fields of work that always need a "cleaner" .

[scott_harpell]

Just one more reason:

 

In the Navy

Village People

 

Where can you find pleasure, search the world for treasure,

learn science, technology?

Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true

on the land or on the sea?

Where can you learn to fly, play in sports or skindive,

study oceanography?

Sign up for the big band or sit in the grand stand

when your team and others meet.

 

In the Navy, yes, you can sail the seven seas.

In the Navy, yes, you can put your mind at ease.

In the Navy, come on now people, make a stand.

In the Navy, can't you see we need a hand.

In the Navy, come on, protect the motherland.

In the Navy, come on and join your fellow, man.

In the Navy, come on, people, and make a stand.

In the Navy, in the Navy.

 

They want you! They want you! They want you as a new recruit!

 

If you like adventure don't you wait to enter

the recruiting office fast.

Don't you hesitate, there is no need to wait;

they're signing up new seamen fast.

Maybe you are too young to join up today

but don't you worry 'bout the thing

for I'm sure there will be always the good Navy

protecting the land and sea.

 

In the Navy...

 

They want you! They want you! They want you as a new recruit!

They want you! They want you! They want you as a new recruit!

..But..but..but I'm afraid of water!

..hey..hey..look, men...

I get seasick even watching it on the TV!

They want You! - Oh my goodness!

They want you! - What am I gonna do in a submarine?

They want you! They want you!

In the Navy.

 

In the Navy... (fade out)

[lI1|1!]

the "leather biker dude" from the village people went to my high school (not while i was there).

 

here is his emoticon - >

 

now how many of you have an emoticon from somebody that went to your high school? hmmmm??

 

[Scott_J]

lI1|1! said:

the "leather biker dude" from the village people went to my high school (not while i was there).

 

here is his emoticon - >

 

now how many of you have an emoticon from somebody that went to your high school? hmmmm??

 

Is there one for carnage and cannibalism?

 

[Dutch]

 

Hell yes, there are certain fields of work that always need a "cleaner" .

 

I always said if I wasnt a millionaire by 30 years old... I would become a hitman.... Thats easy cash...