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trask said:

Hey DFA, I was banging your wife the other night and she told me you had lost a testicle in a sledding accident when you were a kid. Is that true?

 

*engaging the Trasktronix Soberizer Translatotron 5000*

 

"Hey DFA, I was jerking it into a sock the other night when my dog bit me on the ass and I fell off the toilet and bonked my head on the tub. While I was out, I dreamed that you had won the Nobel Prize for both peace and literature. Is that true?"

 

Sorry, Trask, it's not true, although, incidentally, DFA is on the Nobel Economics Prize committee. You ought to submit an entry this year, maybe the Doctor can pull some strings, get you that fame and recognition you've been desperately pining for. 'Til then, keep in mind that diazepam and oxycodone are a potentially dangerous combination, especially on a quart of gin!

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