DIRTBAG 
It's hard to be coiffed when I climb; 
I broke seven nails on that last 5.9! 
  
But don't pity me, it's not too bad: 
The next day I lost 
My fingerpads. 
  
My shoes are a shade of dirty beige, 
My Thai wrap leaked on them. 
Who smells satay? 
  
Now my toes are curled, instead of my hair, 
And there's no deodorant like "Mountain Air." 
  
The make-up's gone--chalk works just fine!--  
What's more beautiful 
Than being  
Alpine!