allthumbs Posted March 7, 2002 Share Posted March 7, 2002 After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one handy. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches setting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. ...Naturally, he began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?!" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysticNacho Posted March 7, 2002 Share Posted March 7, 2002 Thats just downright disgusting. Why? Why Trask why? My position on the ladder of humanity has been lowered just by reading that. I am now something less of a human being. Thank you Trask, for this wonderful little story. Heres a cleaner joke instead: A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other." The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely." The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..." hehe this joke gets me everytime. Laterz! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted March 7, 2002 Share Posted March 7, 2002 It's Weekly Bath Time HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper accordingto lights and darks.2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husbandalong the way, cover up any exposed areas.3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note - mustdo more sit-ups.4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced withnatural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes untilred.9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all comeoff).11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide toget it waxed instead.12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose thewater pressure.13. Turn off the shower.14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wraphair in super absorbent second towel.16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areasand then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed. HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave themin a pile.2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shakewiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound.3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut tosee if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirrorand scratch your ass.4. Get in the shower.5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).6. Wash your face.7. Wash your armpits.8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.15. Pee (in the shower).16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on thefloor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.17. Partially dry off.18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire wiener sizeagain.19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass yourwife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo"sound again. outtrasking trask! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allthumbs Posted March 7, 2002 Author Share Posted March 7, 2002 Dru, that's fuckin hilarious. Good one! You truly are the master of disaster. And no, I don't want to hump your leg like a dog. outtrasked again [ 03-07-2002: Message edited by: trask ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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